Today, I moved into college and met my new roommate. Not fifteen minutes later, she had told me about the fungus on her feet, and what happens when she forgets to take her anti-psychotic medication, all while picking at her nose and eating the spoils. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I got a new roommate in the dorms. When I got back to my room, I could smell her feet before I even opened my door. FML
Today, I found out that my new roommate likes to put candy on the floor, let ants crawl all over it, and eats it. Ants and all. FML
Today, I was at work and a very obese woman came in to get a pedicure. When she took her shoes off I noticed an odd black substance on her feet. I started scrubbing it off and wondered out loud, "What IS this stuff??" As a chunk of it fell onto my lip, she replied, "Girl, that's just the fungus." FML
Today, my new room-mate moved in. She spent over an hour obsessively searching the place for god knows what kind of secret recording devices, and now aggressively demands that I taste-test all of her pre-prepared meals to make sure they're not poisoned. FML
Today, my roommate, who has bipolar disorder and refuses to take his meds, tried to stab me with a kitchen knife because I threw out his moldy cheese. FML
Today, while my friends were over, my mom took too many of her pills and walked around the house nude. She then bit me. FML
Today, I got a new roommate after having a horrible relationship with the previous one. She seemed nice at first, until our first night together. She got completely wasted, spilled beer all over my bed, and blew chunks into my fish tank. FML
Today, my new roommate puked into the sink and all over the bathroom floor, before passing out on her bed. Apparently, she was awake enough to wash her own face but not clean up her vomit. We share the bathroom. This is the second time already. FML
Today, I was walking in my apartment when I felt something stab my foot. Thinking it was a piece of glass, I looked down. It was one of my roommate's toenail clippings. FML
Today, I came home to to find my roommate spinning on a computer chair, shitting everywhere. He'd taken Peyote. Now the whole place smells of poop. FML
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Top comments
AKiDNamedJoHn 12
You should probably try to get a new roommate haha
Danny0522 8
When will I learn to not eat while reading FMLs?
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Comments (128)
kassieleigh 3
Uhh.. EW?
unknowndemon 3
You should inform someone who has a high rank in your college that you want a new room or a new roommate because you can't get along with your current roommate.
buca100 4
Ew omg I could not stand that. Move out! Change room mates or get a room by yourself! What ever it takes to not be murdered by a nose picking psychopath. Get out while you have time, you don't want her to ruin your college experience by killing you.
pikachuthekyd 4
Disgusting!
skyfire21 3
Thats gross! If you cant switch roommates or rooms, I suggest transferring colleges!
dsl1123 8
Sounds like your going to have an interesting year at school. I suggest you ask for a room transfer, my daughter did that one year when she had a room mate similar to yours.
lesha0227 0
switch roommates quick...before you be like the movie the roommate
noisebox 1
You better get a new room mate before it's too late....
ode_2_jessegan 2
Does she look anything at all like Leighton Meester?
Fsvb 32
I feel like I should mention this: The behavior she showed you and the 'what happens if i don't take my anti-psychotic pills', are completely unrelated. I work with people with psychosis and other psychiatric disorders, but they don't freaking pick their nose in public. And having psychosis really doesn't mean you are dangerous. It could be, but I don't think he/she would be out, going into college like that then.