Today, I moved in with my boyfriend because my parents kicked me out. He said that if I ever touch his "fucking apple jacks" he will "chop" my nipples off and feed them to the dog. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I moved in with my boyfriend. I also moved right back out, after I caught him sexting one of his coworkers just a few hours later. FML
Today, my boyfriend moved. He moved from my room... to my housemate's room. FML
Today, my boyfriend kicked me out of bed so the dog could get under the covers. FML
Today, after uprooting my life to help my boyfriend, I realized I receive more affection from my landlord's dog than I have from my boyfriend since I've moved here. FML
Today, I walked into my bedroom to find my boyfriend clipping his toe nails into my pillow case. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I moved into our own house. He proceeded to invite his parents to stay for the week. The same parents we've lived with for the past 5 years. FML
Today, my boyfriend took me home to have dinner with his parents. I couldn’t eat a single bite after watching his mom let her three dogs taste all the food off her hands, while she also licked her own fingers while cooking. Later on, he dumped me for being rude and “too high maintenance." FML
Today, my boyfriend threw a fit because I "still" live with my mother at age 30. I bought her an apartment in my building and hired a live-in nurse because she is senile and permanently bedridden. FML
Today, my boyfriend let me know he wanted me to leave by repeatedly jabbing me with my car keys. FML
Today, my dog carried on with his recent habit of trying to hump me. When I told my mom, she just joked that he's my new boyfriend. Now my whole family is just calling him my boyfriend. FML
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Top comments
naturallyfuck 17
Well I wouldn't let you touch my apple jacks either
nkb94 18
Well shit. I hope he wasn't serious.
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Comments (162)
ohSNAPyall 27
Tell him you eat what you like.
ohSNAPyall 27
Sigh... Go to YouTube and look up Apple Jacks commercials from the 90s.
juanm37 6
I would make up with your parent right about now
mia1764 6
very interesting choice of where to begin and end quotes
slingerslasher 24
FML community, breaking up isn't always the solution.
infinite Secret 3
If they was joking then breaking isn't the solution but if they weren't joking then they need to get some help
bossness061 14
Never touch a niggas apple jacks
werewolf_babe 16
I hope he's as serious about y'all's relationship as he is about his apple jacks ._.
jimmer23 21
That's a really specific threat. Like, far more specific than most sane people can think of.
Pat5519 14
You can always count on a guy named jimmer for an awesome comment!
_Peppermint_ 34
Hopefully you have a different favorite cereal! :)
shandu7 10
Hopefully he was talking about cereal and not his my little pony sex toys.
bossness061 14
Never ever touch a mans Apple jacks