Intimacy: Today, at a fancy dress party, I got off with Hitler. FML - FML

By SallyGeen - 27/07/2011 07:23 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, at a fancy dress party, I got off with Hitler. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 598

You deserved it 40 279

Best teeth in the game

The smell detective is on the case

Mother of the year

By Wilson - 04/10/2018 22:00

Today, I fractured my tibia, fibula, and tore a tendon in my ankle. How? You might ask. By stepping in a hole at soccer practice. Now I’ll be out for the entire season with months of rehab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 589

You deserved it 196

Going well

By Sam - 25/06/2014 05:10 - United States - San Francisco

Today, as a recruiter, I had an interview with a promising candidate for an open position at my company. The interview was going well until the candidate interrupted me halfway through to take a selfie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 928

You deserved it 4 410

By Out of Ice Cream - 29/09/2015 17:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He did it over Snapchat because he said he didn't want to hear me sad over the phone and wanted to save data. Three years down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 258

You deserved it 2 175

By fedlife - 09/04/2009 04:14 - United States

Today, I was going running. It was an especially windy day and things were flying through the wind. Apparently, bodily fluid can also fly through the wind. Turns out, a women was barfing over a bridge and the wind caught it and it flew through the air. Right into my face and body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 308

You deserved it 3 817

Oh, hello

By kikuhime - 17/01/2021 02:01

Spicy

Today, I came early from my job, just to find my boyfriend in bed, with my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 883

You deserved it 89

By kaybax - 19/11/2011 11:42 - South Africa

Today, I gave my boyfriend the silent treatment. He put his Facebook status as "When your girlfriend finally shuts up for once". FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 059

You deserved it 46 456

By Shelbs - 05/11/2011 23:35 - United States

Today, I went to get the vaccination my college requires of all students. The nurse looked at my charts and told me there was good and bad news. The good news was that I didn't need the shot. The bad news was I needed four others. Now, both of my arms are swollen enough to make Popeye proud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 335

You deserved it 3 787

By AFH2O - 14/07/2014 23:04 - United States - Visalia

Today, I got chewed out by a parent for putting her kid underwater. I teach swim lessons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 462

You deserved it 3 868

By scatter00x - 08/02/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 024

You deserved it 7 049

Let me Slytherin

By Wisconsin love - 13/12/2010 17:35 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 884

You deserved it 10 934

By Fingkids - 25/09/2012 01:51 - United States

Today, I fell asleep at work and woke up with penis sharpied on my face. I'm a kindergarten teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 272

You deserved it 33 784

By Jaime - 31/03/2014 22:05 - United States - New York

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met online. Not only was he boring, he twice excused himself to go to the bathroom and both times he came back smelling of weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 272

You deserved it 6 799

Thanks, I hate it

By I'm Trading Up For A Dog - 14/12/2014 20:28 - Finland - Pori

Today, I finished a painting I'd spent 3 weeks working on for an exhibition. When I came back from lunch, my cat was perched above it on my desk. He looked at me, then down at the painting, then jumped down onto it. He slipped and smeared the wet paint everywhere, ruining the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 617

You deserved it 6 208

By Anonymous - 12/03/2013 18:40 - Canada - London

Today, I told my mom about the rough time I'm having over my recent break-up, and how I can't help thinking about my ex every single day. Her attempt to console me involved saying, "Pft. I bet he doesn't think about you every day" and walking away. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 377

You deserved it 6 240

By hannahg - 24/03/2014 00:44 - United States - Romulus

Today, my dad yelled at me for being irresponsible while he watched me fold his laundry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 355

You deserved it 3 791

By Anonymous - 14/11/2012 21:55 - United States - Scarsdale

Today, knowing that I have been in a lot of stress lately, my friend tried to teach me how to meditate. Eventually, I ended up in a deeply relaxed state in which my mind was completely clear. When I snapped out of it, I realized I'd peed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 752

You deserved it 3 577

By Anonymous - 03/02/2012 22:49 - United States

Today, trying to pocket a little extra cash for himself, my dad responded to multiple babysitting ads on Craigslist, accepting them all on my behalf. I despise children with all my heart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 983

You deserved it 8 799

By Anonymous - 25/10/2014 00:30 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was waiting at a traffic light next to an ice cream van. The man in it turned to me and winked, making sexual hand gestures. I felt my childhood die horribly as I watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 093

You deserved it 2 987

By wowawesome - 18/07/2019 16:00

Today, I got a second piercing in my ear. I needed help cleaning the back, so I asked my dad for help. I told him to careful, but right when I did, he tore the earring out with the cotton swab. Thanks, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 463

You deserved it 338

By ishouldhidethekeys - 04/11/2009 08:44 - United Kingdom

Today, my son thought he'd take my new car for a drive without permission. He accelerated straight into a tree, reversed into a lamppost and then accelerated again into the neighbours car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 870

You deserved it 4 720

By theskippster - 30/05/2009 01:10 - United States

Today, I was in Walmart. I saw a demo for Guitar Hero on the DS so I started playing. I was kicking ass and really feeling great about myself. I then looked away for a second, looked back down, and saw that the notes were still being hit. The demo had been on automatic-player the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 985

You deserved it 65 644

By Anonymous - 24/07/2015 02:13 - United States - San Francisco

Today, over the course of three hours, I was burned by our toaster oven, hit in the head by a fridge door, hit my toes on a chair, clipped my hip on a table edge, and had both the washer and dryer lids slam on the same hand. I'm not sure what hurts more, my body or the shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 195

You deserved it 4 295

By Anonymous - 10/01/2011 17:16 - Australia

Today, an old man started telling me about the high price of meat. I told him I wouldn't know, since I'm a vegetarian. His reply was, "Oh, most vegetarians are slimmer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 859

You deserved it 8 946

By Damn - 06/05/2012 13:53 - Australia

Today, I noticed my nephew has blue eyes, freckles and dimples which don't run in my family or my sister's husband's family, but they do run in my husband's family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 187

You deserved it 4 238

By ihatemyjob - 12/09/2010 07:23 - Canada

Today, at work, an elderly lady came up to the cash register with a flyer in her hand, and asked if we had a certain item. I told her we did not have any left, and we would be getting more next week and if she wanted, I could give her a rain check. She hit me in the face with her purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 098

You deserved it 2 770

By tahneee - 31/05/2019 20:00

Today, I went to a function with my dad for a football team. Handing my dad the camera, I finally worked up the courage to ask for a photo with my favourite player. The guy was looking at my boobs in all three photo attempts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 679

You deserved it 209

Sibling rivalry

By Anonymous - 08/09/2021 08:00

Today, my youngest son got lost while shopping. I was frantic, but my oldest son didn’t care, his opinion seemed to be "Who cares?" and "Quick, let’s leave before he turns up." He didn’t even unplug his earphones or look up from his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 232

It's a learned behavior

By laurilove7 - 27/04/2021 20:01

Today, I got a phone call from my daughter’s school. Turns out, an African-American girl approached her and tried to play with her, but my daughter cut her off and said, "I don’t want to play with a black person." I have no idea where she learned this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 708

You deserved it 1 225

By nichaneely - 21/01/2010 05:29 - United States

Today, I got yelled at by one of my bosses. The reason? I was yawning. I work at Starbucks. Apparently I wasn't 'promoting' correctly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 993

You deserved it 4 673

By minimum wage - 02/04/2012 08:38 - Canada

Today, I walked in on a homeless guy peeing on a turd on the floor of the women's restroom at the park. I'm a janitor for the city. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 259

You deserved it 2 394

By Waiter - 04/07/2010 10:03 - France

Today, the guy I've been dating for 3 years got engaged to a woman I can't stand. I work as a waiter at a catering company, they hired the company and requested me as a server for their engagement party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 083

You deserved it 6 348

By asdfas - 18/09/2009 23:28 - United States

Today, I was at work when my mother texted me, "You take a nice picture." I replied, "What picture?" I then got a reply saying, "The one on your speeding ticket showing you going 73 in a 55 mph zone. You're even smiling." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 883

You deserved it 45 976

By Lies - 19/08/2009 02:44 - United States

Today, I saw the girl I had started dating changed her Facebook relationship status to "In a relationship". Naturally, I changed mine too. The next time I logged on, she had commented, "Really?! Who?!" She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 671

You deserved it 5 932

By Anonymous - 06/08/2011 01:47 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. He was so nervous, he broke down in tears after failing to unclasp my bra after multiple fumbling attempts. Mood? Ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 626

You deserved it 5 952

The single life

By Anonymous - 11/07/2021 00:02

Today, I was invited to my ten year high school reunion. I refuse to go because I’ll stick out like a sore thumb. All the girls I grew up with will be there with their husbands, while I’m a single loser who can’t get a man to save her life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 812

You deserved it 253

By Anizzaf - 27/01/2009 17:44 - United States

Today, I picked up my cat and it went wild because I didn't know he was sleeping. I ended with with several cuts, and one on my wrist. Later a kid in my high school saw my wrist and told my guidance counselor who told my parents. Now everyone thinks I'm either a liar, attention whore, or emo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 193

You deserved it 3 094

By SherryBaby - 29/12/2009 07:41 - United States

Today, I got a phone call from my cheating ex asking if I would go out with him that night. After 3 years of no contact, I decided to give him another chance and gave him my address for his GPS. I was then told that I lived too far and he didn't want to drive. He cancelled. I live 15 minutes away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 832

You deserved it 28 120

By anon17 - 18/03/2010 13:49 - United States

Today, I discovered that my fiancé had responded to an online missed connection posting. He has been emailing, exchanging pictures and making plans to go out with this girl. We are supposed to be married in the fall and just put down the non-refundable deposit on our reception site. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 546

You deserved it 3 251

By Hotdamnthisismyjam - 16/06/2009 00:32 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I went to the bar with some friends. When we walked in, we picked a table at random in the same area as a bunch of older men. The oldest, fattest ugliest man at the table looks me over then stares at my chest. He then starts to motorboat the air in the direction of my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 045

You deserved it 6 586

Shidding and farding

By Anonymous - 07/09/2021 08:01

Today, I was babysitting my friend's two year-old daughter. Within 15 minutes, she had crawled out of her crib, taken off her diaper, and smooshed her poop in between the cracks in the floor. I put her in the tub, left to get a towel, and came back to her pooping in the tub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 214

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Top comments

TruthBeTold36 3

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 16:46

In your defense, I hear that Hitler can be very persuasive.

perdix 29

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 18:33

Was it the Hitler with boobs that was an offense to the ninja community?

Comments

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 16:38

he still is messing with UK huh?

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 16:47

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Thursday 28 July 2011 14:48

like in Family Guy xD

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Friday 29 July 2011 20:27

Fuck you

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Sunday 31 July 2011 12:38

win^

TheSchizoPsycho 5

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Wednesday 3 August 2011 10:07

Lose^ fail^

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 16:30

first haha jk thts for gays

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 16:30

You made out with Prince Harry? That's not an FML.

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 17:08

I got off with Bin Laden once.. I'm not complaining.

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 16:30

first haha jk thts for gays

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 16:32

Hope you aren't Jewish OP or it's gonna be a short night for you

rattusrattus 18

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 17:59

He was actually very popular with the ladies... o.O For example, Eva Braun, Unity Mitford... I'm wondering about the guy who thought it was a good idea to go to a fancy dress party as Hitler, particulary after how well Prince Harry's SA costume was received.

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Thursday 28 July 2011 13:15

Sometimes depends on where you are. some guy at a superhero / villain costume party won best supervillain costume dressed as Hitler.

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 16:31

that's fancy.

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 18:01

Eva Braun reincarnated! ... wait wouldn't hitler need a dick or some actual balls to get off?

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Thursday 28 July 2011 1:22

this makes no sense...

GrammerNazi1000 8

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Thursday 28 July 2011 15:45

I think it's awesome! :D

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Thursday 28 July 2011 21:54

it doesnt make sense cause you're like what five?

Imgonnahaveabf 9

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Friday 29 July 2011 7:03

FYL for looking like hitler.

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Friday 29 July 2011 11:53

was he any good?

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Friday 12 August 2011 7:56

?

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Monday 21 November 2011 23:16

I did NAZI that one coming...

transilvanianson 3

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Sunday 12 February 2012 14:46

I hear hitler had one testicle..is it true?

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 16:31

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Thursday 28 July 2011 0:06

"Fancy dress party" is a masquerade or costume party. "Got off" means oh, hell, if you don't know and can't be arsed to look it up then piss off.

GrammerNazi1000 8

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Thursday 28 July 2011 15:47

641 thumbs up? Bots anyone?

YoTengoTomatoes 7

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Thursday 28 July 2011 16:44

but why no ratings??!?

a_nutritionist 10

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Friday 29 July 2011 7:32

743 people are complete imbeciles.

manUNITED1878 1

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Friday 29 July 2011 7:42

as a nutritionist u cant call us imbeciles

a_nutritionist 10

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Friday 29 July 2011 10:15

says the dumbfuck who cant decipher a simple 11 word sentence.

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Friday 29 July 2011 21:53

moo!!!

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Saturday 30 July 2011 7:11

I believe number 5 was merely trying to express a, "What the f*** moment?"

cupcakemann95 7

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Wednesday 3 August 2011 4:18

74. They didn't know what he was talking about so they just commented

Monkeymaddie1 1

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Thursday 4 August 2011 4:26

What's it's like being in the army?

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Thursday 11 August 2011 11:58

I've seen you reply on like 10 things?;P ^^^^

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 16:32

lol let keep this at zero

Raori 21

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 16:38

Surely in this day and age, especially in the UK, this sort of dress is unacceptable? YDI space cadet

Friaza 29

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 23:59

I recon it depends on who's wearing the outfit :D

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 5

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 329

You deserved it 84

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 221