Today, I made a drunken bet with friends that I could pour lighter fluid on my hands, light it, and shake it out before I got burned. I lost. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was refilling my lighter. Afterwards, I gave it a test light. I must've spilled some fluid because my thumb caught on fire. FML
Today, after many hours of practice, I tried to demonstrate my magic tricks to my friends. What wasn't part of the show was accidentally setting my pants on fire and having to put it out with a glass of red wine. FML
Today, while lighting a cigar, I set my beard on fire. FML
Today, my hand is covered in blisters because my boyfriend thought it would be fun to set an old insurance card on fire. Out of panic, he slapped the card against the wall in a failed attempt to put it out. Also out of panic, I slapped the flaming wall with my bare hands. FML
Today, my friend dared me to break a liquor bottle on my head. I slammed it into my head so hard I got dizzy, then did it a SECOND time and knocked myself out so hard that I pissed and shat myself. My head hurts really badly. FML
Today, I was at a fire roasting marshmallows. When mine caught on fire, I pulled it back so I could blow out the flames. It flew off the stick, and, still flaming, landed on my face. FML
Today, I was out having a beer with a few friends. After getting a pint, I slipped in a puddle of beer, fell on top of a stranger on the sofa, and knocked my beer upside down on my head. Then, completely soaked, I realized I'd also knocked over the table, spilling its content on a poor girl across it. FML
Today, my friends showed me a video of me blind drunk last night, getting into a fight with my front door. The door won, unlike my face. FML
Today, at a wild party, I cracked open a few glowsticks and drew patterns on my face and arms with the glowing liquid, then started dancing, hoping to impress some hotties. I was tearing it up until my skin started to burn, really bad. I ended up running out screaming and calling 911. FML
Today, I dislocated my shoulder. How? I went to a party with some friends and they each bet me $20 I couldn't lick my elbow. I guess I proved them wrong. FML
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Top comments
linstar 13
You're a ******* idiot!
kendybendy 6
Haha you totally deserve that! Just be happy you didn't make the bet about it being on your face or your dick
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Comments (156)
jjmiller1001 17
YDI. Your a complete and total dumbass!
illabye 0
You are one complete moron.
haha2230 0
Hahaha dumb ass. I mean I know you were drunk but still come on!
bassoonist527 0
Duh.
jampang6 5
Oh you dumbass
cuddlebunny3548 11
How are you writing this?
hurrican_fml 0
And that's why you should have went to preschool. Dumbass.
thatguyyx 4
I love how all of you seemed to have missed the "drunken" part...
ALQ_fml 13
You, sir, are an example of someone who should never drink again. I hope you didn't damage any nerves too badly. At least you still have the use of your hands (probably), as you managed to type and submit an FML.
AzKoldAzICE 3
Dumb **** doesn't even begin to describe...