Today, I'm sharing a hotel room with co-workers on a business trip. The walls are paper-thin, you could hear a pin drop, and I'm trying to make my explosive diarrhea as close to silent as possible. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was given a powerful laxative to clear me out. I can't go to the bathroom because the four guests of my sleeping roommate are all sitting in dead silence against the paper-thin bathroom wall. FML
Today, I have to take medicine that gives me painful, violent farts. Tomorrow, I have to either get fired or go work in an office that's dead silent. How silent? Last week I heard my coworker drop a paperclip, three desks away. FML
Today, I requested to have my own room at a hotel instead of sharing with everyone else, and I was called an inconsiderate diva. The reason is that after eating anything, my stomach makes such loud and disgusting noises that no one would be able to sleep, but I’m too embarrassed to say that. FML
Today, the walls in my house are so thin that I heard my roommate yell from the bathroom upstairs, "Hear my butthole roar." Now I’m scared to use the bathroom after him. FML
Today, at work, I had to use the bathroom to urinate. It's basically in an open plan office, so everyone can hear absolutely everything. After successfully and discreetly doing my business, I noticed a bit of dirt on the wall. I gave it a rub with my thumb on the smooth tile. It sounded exactly like a loud fart. FML
Today, I sat in my hotel room bathroom in dead silence for 30 minutes while I waited for the cleaning staff to stop watching TV and drinking beer from the minibar, so that I could finish using the toilet. FML
Today, at work, I realized that not everyone in the office needs to hear my explosive diarrhea through the a/c vents that interconnect through the entire building. I think an email was sent around, describing people's reactions in detail. FML
Today, the landlord of our building constructed a bathroom in the space under the stairs, outside my office, on the other side of a thin wall. He must have some kind of bowel disorder, because now I get to hear the sounds of his loud, wet and gassy pooping several times per day. FML
Today, as any other work day, I sat down for lunch. Unfortunately, the door to the toilet is right next to where I sit. Every time a colleague uses the toilet, I hear everything, which puts me off my lunch. FML
Today, I realized that having the apartment bathroom next to my bedroom space isn't so great and convenient when it's occupied by my evil roommate, Fartzilla. I hear every constipated grunt, despite having music turned up. Worse, it's like living next to a poop-pourri factory. Nose bleach, anyone? FML
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Top comments
LadyClarik 8
Try turning your tv and radio/iPod as loud as they can go to drown out the noise. Also try putting the shower and sink in simultaneously.
anitadoody 7
Oh come on, everybody poops. Let it just go with the flow!
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Comments (63)
sk83r641 4
Dude just let it out
Dracoboxer357 36
52- Was there really a second option? Such as, Dude, just hold it in? ;P
TheWorldGreatest 8
Turn the bathroom water on !
breezyblue33 19
I would run the sink and flush the toilet, and while it's making that loud, flushing noise, LET 'ER RIP! As for the smell, the Japanese have invented some kind of dropper that masks the smell in the bowl. It's something you should look into if you frequently share rooms on business trips. Seriously, though, if I felt an explosive diarrhea attack, I would have headed for the lobby restroom pronto. Hope things weren't too awkward with your coworker after you stepped out, OP.
greekgal44 14
go to the bathroom in the lobby!
darkmis1 18
When I have diarrhea, I make sure to share my pains and sounds with everyone who can hear. I don't feel so alone that way.
_wraith 15
Run a shower the next time OP! Erm... cold shower that is, as humidity makes smells more... potent...
zombiekitten87 12
Turn on the sink
interesting33 37
Play loud music with lots of drumming?? :/ Hope you get better OP!
zequa 14
Turn on the sink
poopshreds 10
just use the lobby bathroom next time!