Today, I'm sharing a hotel room with co-workers on a business trip. The walls are paper-thin, you could hear a pin drop, and I'm trying to make my explosive diarrhea as close to silent as possible. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was given a powerful laxative to clear me out. I can't go to the bathroom because the four guests of my sleeping roommate are all sitting in dead silence against the paper-thin bathroom wall. FML
Today, I have to take medicine that gives me painful, violent farts. Tomorrow, I have to either get fired or go work in an office that's dead silent. How silent? Last week I heard my coworker drop a paperclip, three desks away. FML
Today, I requested to have my own room at a hotel instead of sharing with everyone else, and I was called an inconsiderate diva. The reason is that after eating anything, my stomach makes such loud and disgusting noises that no one would be able to sleep, but I’m too embarrassed to say that. FML
Today, the walls in my house are so thin that I heard my roommate yell from the bathroom upstairs, "Hear my butthole roar." Now I’m scared to use the bathroom after him. FML
Today, at work, I had to use the bathroom to urinate. It's basically in an open plan office, so everyone can hear absolutely everything. After successfully and discreetly doing my business, I noticed a bit of dirt on the wall. I gave it a rub with my thumb on the smooth tile. It sounded exactly like a loud fart. FML
Today, I sat in my hotel room bathroom in dead silence for 30 minutes while I waited for the cleaning staff to stop watching TV and drinking beer from the minibar, so that I could finish using the toilet. FML
Today, at work, I realized that not everyone in the office needs to hear my explosive diarrhea through the a/c vents that interconnect through the entire building. I think an email was sent around, describing people's reactions in detail. FML
Today, the landlord of our building constructed a bathroom in the space under the stairs, outside my office, on the other side of a thin wall. He must have some kind of bowel disorder, because now I get to hear the sounds of his loud, wet and gassy pooping several times per day. FML
Today, as any other work day, I sat down for lunch. Unfortunately, the door to the toilet is right next to where I sit. Every time a colleague uses the toilet, I hear everything, which puts me off my lunch. FML
Today, I realized that having the apartment bathroom next to my bedroom space isn't so great and convenient when it's occupied by my evil roommate, Fartzilla. I hear every constipated grunt, despite having music turned up. Worse, it's like living next to a poop-pourri factory. Nose bleach, anyone? FML
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Top comments
LadyClarik 8
Try turning your tv and radio/iPod as loud as they can go to drown out the noise. Also try putting the shower and sink in simultaneously.
anitadoody 7
Oh come on, everybody poops. Let it just go with the flow!
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Comments (63)
oj101 33
Paper thin. Are you on a business trip in Japan? Remember to always be cautious, as ninjas are likely to jump through the walls any moment.
SonOfAMitch 14
And scare the ACTUAL shit in one big go.
bwzwally8 15
Lets hope its not smelly.
abceasyas123abc 12
OP should be so lucky. When is diarrhoea ever not smelly?
ApologyKick 25
20- you do realize what we are talking about here right?
Homer1975 14
I have the experience dude, that you need open you asshole by your finger, then it's get quieter
OrangeKnife 10
Thats ******* disgusting.
HannahLouise96 13
I'm sorry, what?
Dracoboxer357 36
48- Unless I'm seriously mistaken, I think in the event of diarrhea, he's advising equalizing the pressure difference between the atmosphere and the inside of your rectum by allowing air to seep by your anus with the assistance of one of your digits, effectively bleeding off your butt's "explosive punch." The fact this man has researched and perfected this technique for exactly this situation, is both astounding, and revolting, all at once. ;P
poccocurantes 7
Disturbing and innovative.
HannahLouise96 13
Emphasis on the 'disturbing'.
nycwrestler 17
You going on a ballet trip?
nickob96 25
Be very quiet I'm hunting rabbits!
OrangeKnife 10
Actually If they laugh just shit on them.
GregoryStalver_fml 6
The first FML is that your company is cheap enough to make you share a room. I've done a lot of business trips in previous jobs, but none of them dared to have me sleep in the same room as coworkers. It's already a pain in the ass to get sent away from your home, but now you have to share the intimacy of the bedroom with your coworkers, that you may not even like ?
Dcm210 19
Just let it rip.
nckjyc 13
Turn your ipod on full volume. find the most loud annoying genre possible. i suggest dubstep.
fyrfyter 4
Run for the lobby bathroom! You can make all the noise you want, or be honest and tell them you don't feel well!