Today, I'm 8 months pregnant with a horribly sore back and an insensitive husband. I'm so desperate for relief that I'm lying on the couch, using my vibrator to give myself a back massage. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after a 3-month dry spell because I am recovering after having a baby, I was finally in the mood to get intimate with my husband. Foreplay was great, the sex was great until my back gave out right as I was about to cum. I can't move without intense pain. I just wanted to orgasm! FML
Today, I hurt my back, and now I have to lie on my stomach for twenty minutes every hour so I can ice the pain. My boyfriend won't stop using my ass as bongo drums every time. FML
Today, my husband and I are sick. He keeps whining about how bad he feels. I'm just as sick, as well as 7 months pregnant. I've not only been taking care of his whiny ass: I've cooked, cleaned, and gone to the store several times because the tissues we had were too rough on his nose. FML
Today, I finally had sex with my live-in boyfriend after a long dry spell. It was passionate and great, until I hurt my back changing positions. Now he refuses to touch me, going as far as sleeping on the couch to give me "enough space". Hello new dry spell. FML
Today, I'm 8 months pregnant and I went to pee at 2 a.m., with the light off to avoid waking my husband. The wanker had left the seat up, so I fell right into the bowl and got stuck with my cheeks in the water because my belly wouldn’t let me get up. My useless sleeping husband couldn’t hear me yell for help. FML
Today, I’m nine months pregnant and divorcing my husband. He’s been cheating for the past six months and blamed it on me for “lack of intimacy.” I’ve been hospitalized three times for this pregnancy thus far, so I'm sorry I’ve been sick growing a whole ass human! FML
Today, the soon-to-be father of my baby told me he thinks I'm an extremely selfish person, and that I don't love him. His reasoning? I haven't given him a back rub in two weeks, sleep too much, and have a hormonal problem. Once again: I AM PREGNANT! FML
Today, I finished a full marathon and just wanted to relax and get pampered by my husband afterwards. Instead, I spent the evening taking care of him and his back because he had a spasm. Don't worry, he feels much better now. Meanwhile, I can’t move my legs. FML
Today, I am 10 weeks pregnant and my husband says he needs time for himself. This apparently means he will be romancing and sleeping with other women so he can "relax". FML
Today, I'm 3 days post-partum and my husband accidentally jabbed into my side while flopping onto the couch. FML
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Top comments
jem970 19
He should be a good husband and take care of you.
tacojauns 45
Well on the plus side when your kid grows up and ask what that is (vibrator) you can honestly say a back massager
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Comments (110)
thetguy 4
Well this tells me that vibrators are more useful than I thought..
bubble_burst 16
Hmmm.. If you'd used that vibrator properly there would've been no use for that no good boyfriend. You wouldn't have been pregnant or in pain and you'd be changing batteries instead of diapers (which I'm sure you'll have to do considering the "helpful" husband you have. FYL.
perdix 31
Stock up on batteries. Your vibrator can take care of you in many more ways than your limp-dick husband is willing to. In the meantime, suggest your husband take up yoga if he ever wants to get his dick sucked again.
picante72 24
I hope you washed it first.
AssTard 15
Why the **** would that be important or irrelevant right now? Leave my presence!
AssTard 15
*relevant ****, better get the noose...
EpicSquishii 21
Shut up,Asstard
Enslaved 38
I use mine to massage my back too. *trying to keep a straight face*
alfred07 18
Speaking as a guy in a relationship I thought that giving back rubs when needed was one of the things that we are for.
rhysfucker 24
Only the housebroken guys rub backs. Yard guys just shit everywhere and keep trying to lick their own nuts.
whY402Jay 12
I can meet your needs.
anitriarose 5
creeeeeepyyy!!!
princefigs 8
Try doing some little stretching and exercises. Being pregnant doesn't justify laziness
gracehi 33
Punch him on his spine while his back is turned. Your back will still hurt, but a guarantee you'll feel a whole lot better.
gracehi 33
*sigh* Why would you take that comment seriously? I mean, why?
siddin 6
and out on the street.
StanSmith2013 26
Maybe you should talk to him about it and get some back support :)