Love: Today, I found my boyfriend's Facebook page. I also found his... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 54

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 142

24/01/2013 02:59

Today, I found my boyfriend's Facebook page. I also found his wife's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 669

You deserved it 5 257

Empathy lives

Walk on the wild side

Stranded

16/02/2015 16:39

Spicy

Today, while talking with my ex, I mentioned I was depressed about turning 40. He said he'd been depressed about turning 40 as well, until he started screwing hot 20-somethings. We were still together when he turned 40. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 971

You deserved it 4 418

17/12/2013 21:17

Today, my husband called me from the store, trying to decide whether or not to buy the new games console he's been wanting. I'd already purchased one and hid it, ready for Christmas Day. I couldn't talk him into not buying himself one. There goes a $500 surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 044

You deserved it 6 988

12/08/2009 04:44

Spicy

Today, I finally told my mom I am a lesbian. She started laughing and said 'Good one honey'. I told her I wasn't joking, and she took my face in her hands and said 'You ARE joking!' Then she left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 312

You deserved it 10 010

12/03/2016 05:29

Today, I was using the urinal at work when an old guy started using the one next to mine. All of a sudden, he used that Ghostbusters' line, "Cross the streams!", and tried to pee into my urinal. I had to wait 4 hours in pee-drenched shoes until my shift was over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 776

You deserved it 1 282

30/07/2017 20:00

Today, after my boyfriend ignored me for hours playing video games, he gave me some attention for a little bit. When I tried to run my fingers through his hair, I missed and punched him in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 870

You deserved it 797

12/07/2019 22:30

Today, a bat flew into my house. We locked it in my brother's room, complete with cats, and just barely got it back outside alive. We later found out it was an endangered species, so we also narrowly avoided arrest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 346

You deserved it 466

10/10/2017 17:15

Today, I was passing a kidney stone. I had to go to the ER but had no one to take me, so I drove myself. They made me wait 3 hours because it was suspicious that someone in "so much pain" could drive. It was the largest stone that doctor had seen in his career. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 534

You deserved it 212

Smells like victory

By Ready to break up - 08/01/2021 05:01

Today, my girlfriend and her best friend have been in a contest to see who can go the longest without showering. They’ve just hit day 22. They smell so bad, I can’t stand to be in the same room with them anymore. I'm really about to dump her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 185

You deserved it 240

Why would I do that to me?

By car keyer - 02/12/2013 06:41

Today, I called the police to report that my car had been keyed. I remember going to a bar last night and getting drunk. A surveillance camera revealed that after my drunken self couldn't unlock the door to my car, I punched the door and hurt my fist so bad that I keyed my own car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 722

You deserved it 54 378

13/01/2010 21:40

Today, I was taking a warm shower when someone in my house flushed the toilet, making the shower extremely hot. In my rush to get out so I wouldn't get burned, I slipped and knocked a tooth out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 216

You deserved it 4 361

25/08/2010 00:48

Today, I swerved off the road and hit a tree in order to avoid hitting a dog that came out of nowhere. Don't worry, I didn't hit him. The person behind me did, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 391

You deserved it 5 103

19/09/2015 18:58

Today, I sneezed so hard that I re-dislocated my shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 832

You deserved it 1 798

15/01/2011 04:24

Today, my boyfriend and I spent 30 minutes listening to my grandmother telling us that my cat is a medium. My boyfriend is totally convinced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 549

You deserved it 3 399

24/06/2013 18:49

Today, I was eating an ice cream cone, when I felt something drop onto my bottom lip. Assuming it was a piece of ice cream, I quickly pulled it into my mouth. After a sharp sting to my tongue, I spat it out. It was a bee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 937

You deserved it 7 577

02/12/2008 08:27

Spicy

Today, I discovered that my 15 year old girl had hidden a disgusting porn film in the "future career" folder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 044

You deserved it 6 932

Pinky

By grandlisleguy - 03/02/2020 21:00

Today, I was at the office making copies for a project. As I left the copy room my dress pants caught a sharp something on the door frame and ripped open my pants. All my co-workers saw my pink boxer briefs. Now I'm called "Pinky" by everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 601

You deserved it 364

02/08/2013 14:53

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for no real reason via text message. A few hours later, she updated her relationship status on Facebook to "in a relationship." Her new "boyfriend"? Her cat. A mutual friend commented, "Well, he's better than that idiot you had before." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 194

You deserved it 6 127

Priorities

By Anonymous - 31/05/2020 02:03

Today my husband cried tears of joy because we now have dates for : 1 - When our son can go back to school, and 2 - When the pubs will reopen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 166

You deserved it 292

04/06/2011 16:41

Today, I had the misfortune of being left alone with my dad. He took it as an opportunity to tell me in detail all about his recent vasectomy, and the complications the surgeon had due to the scar tissue on my dad's testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 471

You deserved it 2 865

06/12/2011 06:45

Spicy

Today, I found that when a hot girl asks you whether you have a girlfriend, saying, "I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one" is not the best way to proceed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 029

You deserved it 75 774

16/10/2012 17:25

Today, I had a cyst in my butt removed. The doctors had to make a hole, and then fill it with gauze before sending me home. As soon as I got back, my sister decided to kick me in the butt as hard as she could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 029

You deserved it 1 964

05/08/2010 04:38

Today, my boyfriend woke up to the flash of a camera. It was his mother taking pictures of my shoe print on his window sill and night stand. She said she was collecting evidence proving I snuck in through his window last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 726

You deserved it 9 723

26/05/2013 06:46

Today, I changed my teacher's PowerPoint picture to me making a funny face. He saw it and changed it to a picture of him, with a middle finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 143

You deserved it 50 761

Hammocking yourself

By phlox_fml - 30/05/2020 08:00

Today, I fell backwards out of my hammock, busting my shoulder. This weekend, I broke my toe falling out of it. I've used hammocks my entire life, but have become apparently unable to during the lockdown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 241

You deserved it 252

05/03/2012 10:28

Today, I was woken up by my neighbour's dog losing its mind, and I remembered reading a story about someone ignoring a dog and later finding out that their car had been stolen. Paranoid, I went outside to check on mine. Nope. Just the damn dog barking at one thirty in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 432

You deserved it 4 045

04/06/2011 06:00

Today, I almost missed the bus. I grabbed my backpack and ran out the door. It wasn't until after we got to school that I realized I was still in my slippers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 387

You deserved it 9 289

05/07/2011 00:25

Today, I was jamming out in my car, tapping my fingers on the wheel and bobbing my head. At the next stoplight, I happened to look over and the passenger of the car next to me was holding a sign in the window saying, "I bet you don't have a boyfriend, do you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 602

You deserved it 6 359

22/10/2009 04:07

Spicy

Today, I took my first Viagra. It worked great, but "Wally, the one-eyed wonder-weasel" would not return to "hiding". After 4 hours, I was in mortal aching pain, and went to my doctor for a shot and sedative. My wife, the doctor, and the nurse could not stifle their laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 541

You deserved it 6 724

23/12/2015 07:45

Today, my boss thought it would be a great idea to delay paying me until after Christmas. There goes rent, bills, food and of course Christmas presents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 496

You deserved it 1 679

02/01/2013 07:28

Today, I got fired from my job because I "look too grumpy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 446

You deserved it 10 185

30/08/2012 01:33

Today, I purposely misspelled words while texting my boyfriend so he would think I was out partying and having a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 182

You deserved it 29 928

20/03/2009 21:04

Today, as I was getting my mail, I received a free coupon from a baby supply store saying "congratulations on your expectancy." Thinking it was a mistake, I showed my girlfriend, who I am living with. All she had to say was "Surprise!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 956

You deserved it 17 267

23/10/2018 03:00

Today my boyfriend told me that dirty talk with me was like potty training a puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 814

You deserved it 419

13/08/2009 03:13

Spicy

Today, I found out that I was adopted, now my gay brother thinks it's acceptable to tell me that he's always wanted to have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109 272

You deserved it 5 581

04/05/2011 13:47

Today, my garage was flooded. Everything was ruined. My garage also happens to be my study, in which my entire art coursework was drying. My exam is tomorrow and all I have to hand in is a pile of mushy paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 978

You deserved it 3 743

It never rains, it pours

By samsonity - 15/09/2020 17:02

Today, I woke up knowing I'd done all my homework, so I'd have the day free. My dad calls me into his room to tell me that I have 3 outstanding exam papers to hand in this week. It was summer homework, set by my school's online learning website that I didn’t know it existed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 326

You deserved it 428

04/05/2009 20:15

Today, I decided to modify my resume since I've handed out over 30 of them in the past couple of weeks and I haven't gotten any calls back. As soon as I opened it on word document, I noticed that I had forgotten to include my phone number for employers to contact me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 402

You deserved it 73 967

11/02/2018 15:00

Today, I spent a nice night with the guy I’ve been madly crushing on for the past year. When he went to the bathroom and left his phone unlocked, I looked at his photo album and saw photos of my house, my room, me sleeping, and my naked body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 647

You deserved it 1 238

How the…?

By Tiana - 30/05/2021 22:01

Today, I helped my best friend step out of the friendzone. As a result, I don't have a boyfriend anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 155

09/02/2013 23:26

Today, after much coaxing, I finally got my roommate to loosen up and have a couple of beers with me and my friends. It was only later in the evening that he admitted the real reason he hadn't wanted to drink: he's an alcoholic and had been sober for six months, until now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 803

You deserved it 60 416

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Top comments

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Thursday 24 January 2013 12:21

You should friend Request her! That will burst his cheating bubble.

onedayinamsterda 14

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Thursday 24 January 2013 12:21

Good day it is then! Start the celebrations! You now know him for the ass he is.

Comments

onedayinamsterda 14

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Thursday 24 January 2013 12:21

Good day it is then! Start the celebrations! You now know him for the ass he is.

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Thursday 24 January 2013 12:26

I'm sure the wife doesn't

AbstraktThoughts 13

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Thursday 24 January 2013 12:31

Damn what's up with all the shitty assholes getting the attention? :'( what about the nice guys!

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Thursday 24 January 2013 13:10

#16 - The nice guys honestly do, as long as they're also funny and clever :). Not only the douches

laughtersplay 14

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Thursday 24 January 2013 22:36

Honestly speaking with these type of FMLs, Op should be thankful she's the girlfriend rather than the wife. All she has to do is cut off connection with him, while the wife has a house, possibly kids, and a divorce to deal with.

tararochelle 18

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Friday 25 January 2013 3:02

This is FML!! Why would we post the positive things?? Doesn't mean the good guys done exist. :)

tararochelle 18

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Friday 25 January 2013 3:05

Don't*, sorry about that!!

oj101 33

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Thursday 24 January 2013 12:21

Perhaps it's just a very close friendship/marriage kind of relationship on Facebook, like when two girls who are best friends list that they're in a relationship, even when they're not actually lesbians.

oj101 33

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Thursday 24 January 2013 12:24

Never just assume, or jump the gun, especially when you're getting your "information" from Facebook.

xStaciexLynnx 15

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Thursday 24 January 2013 15:08

Even if it was a very close friend, I don't think I'd like my boyfriend to have someone else listed as a wife.

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Thursday 24 January 2013 15:20

My girlfriend has her BFF as her girlfriend. Because I don't have Facebook.

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Thursday 24 January 2013 23:12

People do this? But... why?

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Friday 25 January 2013 1:17

I did it with my best friend, but if I get a boyfriend or him a girlfriend we get divorced, don't know how it started, but he even got me a wife birthday card. Everyone knows if I'm classed as married to him it means I'm single.

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Friday 25 January 2013 4:14

74- perhaps this is why you're single. If I met someone and they were listed as "married" on Facebook I would lose interest.

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Friday 25 January 2013 7:57

I did it as a joke when I was single and my best friends husband wouldn't add her back on after she had a tantrum and fb dumped him (lol). She facebook dumped me awhile later for her real husband. Sad.

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Saturday 26 January 2013 10:58

84, I'm actually in a long-term relationship and have a daughter.

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Thursday 24 January 2013 12:21

I think somebody's got something to explain.

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Thursday 24 January 2013 12:21

You should friend Request her! That will burst his cheating bubble.

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Thursday 24 January 2013 12:24

Then they would gang up on him and kick him in his two timing nutsack!

Goldenberry_fml 14

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Thursday 24 January 2013 12:22

Haha your name is funny :)

BlowinChronic 18

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Thursday 24 January 2013 13:08

Haha your comment was awful.

bingbongbingbong 11

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Thursday 24 January 2013 12:23

And whats wrong with that ??

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Thursday 24 January 2013 12:26

Err, he's her boyfriend, but has a wife? What's not wrong with that?

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Thursday 24 January 2013 13:45

I'm sure you're one of the people who believed that OP deserved to be cheated on..

danielhartlesss 13

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Thursday 24 January 2013 14:14

#6- Something tells me you're probably single. Either that or don't care about real relationships so you just go fuck random people which will eventually lead to your future depression.

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Thursday 24 January 2013 22:51

@32 Damn, that got specific.

supportcommand 17

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Friday 25 January 2013 3:39

Big burn from Mr. Hartlesss!

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Thursday 24 January 2013 12:25

I don't normally approve of all the 'DUMP HIM!!!' comments but in this case, if she is definitely his wife, do it. And make sure she knows he's a dirty cheater! And you could always drag him onto the Jeremy Kyle show for added fun.

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Thursday 24 January 2013 12:30

Completely agree, although she sounds like too much of a normal person to be on the Jeremy Kyle show.

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Thursday 24 January 2013 12:27

Take a closer look. You might find the rest of his girlfriends, too.

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Thursday 24 January 2013 12:27

Oops!

trollburger_fml 4

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Thursday 24 January 2013 12:31

People , chill, he's not an ass, he's just a muslim. Looks like you're going to be wife nr. 2. OP.