Today, I learned that scorpions can apparently hold their breath for hours, and that doing so makes them angry. I found this out when I removed a scorpion from the bottom of my pool and found that it was not entirely drowned. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was brushing my teeth when I looked up. There was a huge scorpion dangling on the air vent above my head. I was trapped in the bathroom for over an hour trying to build the courage to run out. FML
Today, I stepped on a glue trap for scorpions. Bare foot. There was a scorpion already caught on it. It wasn't dead. FML
Today, I learned that I'm allergic to hornets. I also learned that when your mom sprays a hornets' nest, and they come after you, that jumping in the pool doesn't help. They hover and wait for you to surface. FML
Today, my roommate informed me that one of her scorpions is loose in our apartment again. Great. FML
Today, I saw a scorpion crawling across the kitchen floor. While trying to swat it towards the middle of the floor to prevent it from escaping as I looked for something to kill it with, my cat came to investigate. Kitty thought I was playing with a new toy and joined in by batting the scorpion under the oven. I know it's plotting its revenge. FML
Today, I tried to blink out a small speck of dirt that was caught in my eye. Instead, I learned what it feels like to suffocate a small, angry spider with your eyelid. FML
Today, I broke a glass case containing my pet scorpions. I still can't find them. FML
Today, a water snake slithered into our pool. He can have it. FML
Today, I went to the beach. My friend decided it would be funny to push me into a bunch of Portuguese Man-O-War jellyfish washed up on the shore. Did you know their tentacles can sting even if they’re dead? FML
Today, I found the same spider which I had let live yesterday hidden in my bath towel. I didn't find it until it was smeared on my face. FML
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Top comments
JustKittyKat 24
Did he survive? And how do you know he was there for hours? I am very curious about this one.
Moep20 24
Why would anyone put a scorpion into a cup of bleach?!?!?
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Comments (112)
CuriousAlien 7
Torture it by putting it on a table, and sticking it with a pencil repeatedly until you get bored, then grab a match and light it, then laugh while it burns. After that put the ashes of leftovers into a pan, cook it, then eat it with bread. yumm. Scorpion sandwich. (Something is ******* wrong with me!) :(
CuriousAlien 7
Wtf?!?
Dr_Death_Defy 0
i agree, something is wrong with you..... but that was the funniest shit ive read in a long ass time.
soldiat_fml 17
I think you need to see a therapist.
lvrose10 1
Howd the scorpion get there in the first place?...
j_inks23 19
They can stay underwater for up to six hours I believe
Pigpig1234 10
Scorpions are bad assets they can hold their breath for 3 days. One time scientists completely froze a scorpion and melt the ice off it walked away like nothing happened