Today, I went to lick the excess peanut butter off the knife after making a PB and J. Turns out the knife can and will cut your tongue, even though you don't think it will. FML

Today, I learned the hard way not to take off your shirt with a toothpick in your mouth. FML

Today, I realised a second too late why trying to hack a popcorn kernel out from between your teeth with a steak knife is really a bad idea. FML

Today, I got headbutted for saying that Nutella is overrated. FML

Sounds… lovely?

Today, by being clumsy when putting my bread slices on a plate, I invented a sensational new type of sandwich: The Nutella-Salmon-Garlic Double-Decker. FML

Ouch

Today, I learned a valuable life lesson : Never attempt to swallow your pills with a swig of hot tea. FML

Today, I broke my wrist because a Nutella glass fell on it after I opened the cupboard. FML

Today, I learned that, when choking on a piece of food, you can cough hard enough to partially prolapse a hemorrhoid. FML

Today, I found out that if you see a tray with some black stuff in it and you can't decide whether it's powdered black pepper or cigarette ashes, it's not a good idea to taste it. FML

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Today, I was diagnosed with severe nut allergies. My dad decided to buy jars of Nutella, write "You know you want this" on them, and stick them around the house. FML