Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML
Today, I rushed home because my wife called to let me know she was feeling horny for the first time after getting over a bad flu. I walked in the door and surprise surprise, her sister had called round, wanting sympathy after her latest fuckbuddy dumped her. Romantic mood ruined. FML
Today, I went home early from a business trip to find my house covered with rose petals. Thinking it was a romantic notion from my boyfriend, I went up to the bedroom. I opened the door to find him lying there, getting it on with my sister. FML
Today, I realized our life has been lacking in romance lately, so I got a card, a bunch of flowers, and made reservations at a lovely restaurant for a nice evening. When I got home and gave my wife the flowers, all she did was sigh and ask what I "fucked up this time." She also refused to go to dinner. FML
Today, I sent the kids to my parents' house, tidied the house, and made reservations for a fancy restaurant, hoping to surprise my wife. When she got home and I handed her flowers, she sighed and said, "Can you stop with the stupid romance shit? It's embarrassing. We're six years married, not two moonstruck kids." FML
Today, I caught my wife trying to give herself oral sex. It was sexy and also kinda funny, so I offered to do it to her properly. She got explosively mad for some reason and actually threw me out. I’m writing this from my brother's spare room, wondering where I went wrong. FML
Today, my wife told me she had a surprise for me when I came home. Surprise to me means sex, not a new puppy. FML
Today, on a whim, I bought my wife some flowers on my way home. She put them in a vase then asked me what stupid thing I did that I’m pre-apologising for. She refuses to believe I bought her flowers for any other reason. Man, I must be a really shitty husband. FML
Today, I got flowers at work. I was excited, until I saw they were from a friend saying, "Sorry for sleeping with your boyfriend!" FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to visit me and my brother at our apartment. I left for just five minutes to fix us lunch. When I got back, she was making out with my brother. FML
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Top comments
Nykaen 0
Dude... Leave her, she is worthless. And disown your brother... No man should ever do that to family.
crazyval619 6
Dude that sucks.
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Comments (176)
kaatie 0
As awful as this is.. I really liked how you worded it. I'm sorry.
Whatevers_clever 0
Oh man, that sucks so bad. Sorry dude. Divorce her and kick the crap out of your brother!
gigi2009 0
Ohhhhhhhhh! I'm so sorry =((
elliekinslurvsya 0
='(
rawrchimichangas 0
jeez! that's horrible ): fyl.
Neferria 0
Divorce her and crack your brother's skull open. In front of the family. Because he deserves it, the nerve of the wanker. Her's too, if you're in the mood.
triplethreat13 0
FYL for having a ***** as a wife. FYL for having an ass as a brother. FYL for finding out the hard way. this is a true FML.
p00p0ster0us 0
I'm so sorry to hear that. So much for family and marriage.
dyld921 2
Jeez, you should be grateful it wasn't your sister. Or her brother. I'm just kidding. Have a nice marriage. Or what's left of it.
yourkiddingright_fml 0
Ouch!!