Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML
Today, I rushed home because my wife called to let me know she was feeling horny for the first time after getting over a bad flu. I walked in the door and surprise surprise, her sister had called round, wanting sympathy after her latest fuckbuddy dumped her. Romantic mood ruined. FML
Today, I went home early from a business trip to find my house covered with rose petals. Thinking it was a romantic notion from my boyfriend, I went up to the bedroom. I opened the door to find him lying there, getting it on with my sister. FML
Today, I realized our life has been lacking in romance lately, so I got a card, a bunch of flowers, and made reservations at a lovely restaurant for a nice evening. When I got home and gave my wife the flowers, all she did was sigh and ask what I "fucked up this time." She also refused to go to dinner. FML
Today, I sent the kids to my parents' house, tidied the house, and made reservations for a fancy restaurant, hoping to surprise my wife. When she got home and I handed her flowers, she sighed and said, "Can you stop with the stupid romance shit? It's embarrassing. We're six years married, not two moonstruck kids." FML
Today, I caught my wife trying to give herself oral sex. It was sexy and also kinda funny, so I offered to do it to her properly. She got explosively mad for some reason and actually threw me out. I’m writing this from my brother's spare room, wondering where I went wrong. FML
Today, my wife told me she had a surprise for me when I came home. Surprise to me means sex, not a new puppy. FML
Today, on a whim, I bought my wife some flowers on my way home. She put them in a vase then asked me what stupid thing I did that I’m pre-apologising for. She refuses to believe I bought her flowers for any other reason. Man, I must be a really shitty husband. FML
Today, I got flowers at work. I was excited, until I saw they were from a friend saying, "Sorry for sleeping with your boyfriend!" FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to visit me and my brother at our apartment. I left for just five minutes to fix us lunch. When I got back, she was making out with my brother. FML
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Top comments
Nykaen 0
Dude... Leave her, she is worthless. And disown your brother... No man should ever do that to family.
crazyval619 6
Dude that sucks.
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Comments (176)
car6435 0
damn.....
shotlilaussie 0
i wont have these problems wen i get married i hav a sister unless my wife becomes a lesbo
lady307 0
"spontaneous romantic gesture" luv it! but that sux bro!
athos1237 4
I feel your pain on this bro. No word strong enough to disparage either of these two in English, Spanish, or any other language available to me. That is the worst FML I've read on here.
emshilie 0
that is a real FML ^_^ that totally sucks. Im really sorry :[
Jarlais 0
I smell a double homacide!
NCISagentMcGee 0
I smell a spelling error
German_Guy 0
I would murder my brother if he did that. Then again, you probably shouldn't do that. I would send him to the hospital though. Make sure he loses some of his eye-sight.
AntiChrist7 0
Romance sucks
Antivirus_fml 0
OP, divorce your wife & then leave them (your ex-wife & brother) forever, thats the best for you & them.
looking_glass 0
Shit man...yell the hell out of your brother and disown him basically. Don't act sick and "kill" him. Your wife is not good and your brother isn't good...thats horrible. DIVORCE.