Today, I finally got over a long bout of constipation. I was scared to ask my mom for laxatives because I had the feeling she would tell all her friends, but on the 6th day of absolutely no bowel movements, I caved. I later overheard my mom telling all her friends. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after having horrific constipation the day before, I finally got the rock hard turd out of my system. Things got awkward as I cried out in pain and my mom asked me what was wrong. Realizing the dining room and kitchen was nearby, I said "Never mind, it's gross!" I think she figured it out anyways. FML
Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML
Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML
Today, after months of incredibly painful stomach cramps, I convinced my mom that I needed to see a doctor. Not even 2 minutes into the exam, the doctor tells me that I'm heavily constipated and advised some "prune juice" to help "clear all that shit out". My mom won't stop laughing at me. FML
Today, I was at home with slight constipation, so I took two laxatives. That's when my boyfriend called me, saying his parents are in town and want to have dinner tonight, this being the first time I've met them. I've already been on the toilet five times. FML
Today, my constant constipation has become a running joke in my family; I heard my mom tell my dad that if he wants to keep his Christmas presents safe, he should ask me to eat them. FML
Today, it's been a week that I've had bad constipation. Overeating on my 16th birthday last week got me sick; since then I've pooped only once, and it took a hard push to go it out. Today I had my second poop. Good news: I did go. Bad: it happened on the bus home from school. My pals actually cheered when I finished straining. FML
Today, I finally got over having constipation for two days straight. It came in the form of a normal-sized, rock-hard turd that made me scream "Ow!" when it came out. FML
Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML
Today, after suffering from constipation for three days, I finally took a dump. Just as things reached the point of no return, my land line and doorbell all rang. FML
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Top comments
KittyMack 13
She needs someone to tell her she's a shit friend and a shit person, no pun intended. She needs to look at herself though becaise she is garbage. If her habit of violating your privacy and destroying your dignity is so extreme that you're hiding medical issues, **** that woman's an asshole. Not feeling safe at home; not being able to trust one's own mother to have one's best interest at heart, has the potential to screw a kid up mentally/socially. And for what? To get a giggle out of the gal from next door? It's just not worth damaging your kid for that!
azouwa 26
Water, fiber, and exercise can help. Avoid cheese. Yogurt is great.
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Comments (19)
dexter420 21
Dont leave us hanging
Sinshine 28
I can relate to that. I have long stopped telling my mother anything at all. She goes around telling things to everyone even when I specifically tell her not to and when I find out and complain she goes "It's not a big deal. They can know."
Davros 12
sounds like it was a nuclear shit where if the initial blast doesn't get you the fallout will.
Charlie Given 28
Another simple home remedie is fruit salad, mix 1apple (or pear,plums or Cherry's),1 orange(or other high citrus fruit),and a banana or berries, eat the whole thing in one or two meals, always worked for me and is gentle on ya.
MediocreMan19 18
Your mom sounds like an extremely weird person
openawhole00 6
I think you're just full of shit
Taurus_ChicKa 37
Why are the laxatives not in the medicine cabinet where they belong?
chris_lillo 15
Mom's tell eachother everything. Constipation is really not that embarrassing and I highly doubt it is new to any of the moms or makes them look at you any different. That being said it is still for private information and you should talk to your mom to explain how you feel.
peterblack67 9
Why didn't you just buy your own laxatives?