Today, I just came back from Afghanistan after a 9-month tour, and my brother asked, "How many towelheads did you kill?" He then acted offended when I smacked him upside the head. FML
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70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, after nearly 2 years of continuous fighting in Afghanistan, my unit came home. We were booed at the airport. FML
Today, my girlfriend's dad returned home from deployment. Being the grade A fucktard that I am, I got flustered and asked, "So um, did you make it back?" He looked me dead in the eyes and said completely deadpan, "No, obviously I died. Moron." FML
Today, at the airport, my mom began talking about how useless the war in Iraq was, and how dumb the soldiers that serve there were for enlisting during the war. The soldier at the vending machine near us caught my eye. I mouthed, "Sorry" and he mouthed, slowly, "You fuckin' better be." FML
Today, I was home on leave and having breakfast with my parents and my younger brothers. I guess I got too used to the rougher language around the Army barracks where I'm stationed. At the breakfast table, I asked my Mom to "pass me the f***ing butter." FML
Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML
Today, I got back from an 8 month deployment but rather than being pleased to see me my wife wanted to continue the same argument we were having the day I left. I miss being shot at. FML
Today, I'm a trained soldier with tours of duty under my belt, 6 foot tall with scars and tattoos, and yet I still can’t beat my brother in a fight because he cheats by tickling me until I can’t breathe or piss myself. FML
Today, a guy beat the crap out of me for supposedly sleeping with his girlfriend. I didn't get a chance to tell him my brother lives with me and that he had the wrong guy. When my brother got home, he didn't ask if I was okay, but rather if the guy was coming back for him. FML
Today, I saw a man in an army uniform. As a bit of a patriot, I went up to thank him for his service. After about 10 minutes of me going on and on, he started laughing. He wasn't a soldier. FML
Today, during a family dinner, my 5-year-old son excitedly told everyone that I let him use my "douche" last week. My parents glared at me in anger and horror, and only after they left did I find out that his brother had told him that's what my loofah is called. FML
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Top comments
Isa_Marie0113 17
Thank you for your service! Sorry your brother is an insensitive and ignorant butt.
BoboCracker 21
Towel-whip him
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Comments (131)
CaroLouWho 10
Wow. What an asshole. I'm sorry you're related to that.
iwin8166 13
They will ever understand man. Check out dysfunctional veterans on Facebook. It's a group of us.
NostalgiaFreak9 43
I hoped you smacked the racism out of that ****. And thanks for your service.
NostalgiaFreak9 43
I mean, I hope he learns after you smacked him.
Mahtari 19
Still waiting for the kill count.
Algorithm 24
**** off.
pixierara 28
Insanely rude. What goes through people's minds that they think it's okay to say shit like this.
Sandman0351 13
I mean its not entirely like that. A lot of people aren't comfortable with it or triggers PTSD. But its not everyone.
Sandman0351 13
Ight i may be a different type of warrior. I'm a marine and I love talking about my experiences and how many goatfuckers i skullfucked. I'm currently in the process of trying to go back. Thanks for your service though brother (or sister)
y0ima0wn 10
Finally somone whos not stupid
timmay801 10
So how many
moonshinegurl77 17
Thank you for your service! I've been told stories and its brutal....glad u made it home :)
Sweet_Melody 15
Thank you for your service! That was pretty rude of your brother to say, he should of not said that. I'm glad you're back too.
PuppiesKisses 19
Thank you for your service.