Health: Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely...

By arse of fire :( - 23/02/2013 00:31 - United Kingdom - Slough

Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely any toilet paper left, I texted my husband to buy some more and rush home. He replied, "Sorry babe, getting shitfaced with the lads. Get it? 'Shitfaced'. LOL!" and stopped replying to my desperate pleas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 115

You deserved it 3 874

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By FUCK GOD - 03/02/2013 23:04 - Argentina - Salta

Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 102

You deserved it 4 847

By Anonymous - 31/12/2013 18:22 - United States - Bessemer

Today, I was at work alone with a stomach bug. For some reason, our bathroom was out of toilet paper, so I had to quickly run to the nearest store to buy more, only to shit my pants midway there. I'm pretty sure the cashier knew exactly what had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 171

You deserved it 4 204

By BatBee - 03/08/2016 02:29 - United States - Princeton

Today, my husband and I were talking about how we missed our sexting from when we were dating, so later I took a bath and texted him while he was relaxing in bed. His response ? "I'm tired and hurry up I need to poop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 342

You deserved it 1 518

By Redhairchick - 06/11/2016 07:08

Today, I got severe diarrhea while out dancing with friends. On my way home, I got hit with the urge again. I couldn't find an open toilet and I had to resort to relieving myself in an alley. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 047

You deserved it 927

Stay hydrated

By Time To Go - 23/09/2022 01:30

Today, my kid has severe diarrhoea. My husband said he was going out to get medicine. Two long, painful hours later, I find he's out eating and chilling with his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 110

You deserved it 122

Joe Bidet

By tmrwsmggls - 16/11/2020 14:01 - United States

Today, I went to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. Right as I sat down and started taking a dump, I looked over at the empty toilet paper roll and remembered his roommate had told us the night before that they were out of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 334

By Anonymous - 31/10/2009 19:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 754

You deserved it 6 741

By Crap - 30/07/2015 00:57 - United States - Seminole

Today, I had horrible diarrhea at work. When I felt the bubbling, I ran to the bathroom. An agonizing bowel movement later, I realized that there was no toilet paper in the stall. Just as I was about to ask a coworker who was in the bathroom for some, the fire alarm went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 160

You deserved it 1 708

By monkeywrench - 30/08/2015 11:29 - Sweden

Today, I was hit by acute food poisoning while attending a colleague's birthday party at his home. The toilet had a door that wouldn't close all the way, there were only three sheets of toilet paper left, and I had to walk home through town, in a dress, with my soiled underwear in a plastic bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 962

You deserved it 1 781

Party animal

By Laci - 30/04/2011 17:50 - United States

Today, I was stuck crouching over the toilet after a night of drinking. My fiancé walked in, gathered my hair, and held it out of the way. When another wave of nausea hit me and I leaned in, he shoved my face into the bowl and ran out, laughing and yelling, "That'll teach ya!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 914

You deserved it 23 203

superxmario91 11

Saturday 23 February 2013 5:25

use his favorite shirts!!

LostThePlot 3

Saturday 23 February 2013 5:25

Your husband has a pretty terrible sense of humour.

Comments

mozeltov 7

Saturday 23 February 2013 5:25

Well, I guess you could say...that's a shitty situation....get it? Shitty? LOL no? Alright, I'll go hide in my corner ;(

MetallicaFTW 16

Saturday 23 February 2013 7:50

You better.

zandalee 19

Saturday 23 February 2013 8:55

You better hide well!

Aloyese 11

Saturday 23 February 2013 10:03

And also hope no one finds you there.

muzy 23

Saturday 23 February 2013 13:11

Don't forget to hide yo kids and yo wife as well.

sum42guy2k 6

Saturday 23 February 2013 22:51

You better be running fast from that crappy joke...

jarrettd 27

Saturday 23 February 2013 23:24

I'm after you. So hide real well.

Azula272 14

Sunday 24 February 2013 12:47

If its that bad you could just bathe it off. Geez

LostThePlot 3

Saturday 23 February 2013 5:25

Your husband has a pretty terrible sense of humour.

OscarDV 8

Saturday 23 February 2013 11:13

I thought that was a pretty funny pun OPs husband said. Plus, if he was already "shitfaced" he had no right to drive and endanger people's lives.

MollyXD124 7

Saturday 23 February 2013 5:25

What a butthole!

superxmario91 11

Saturday 23 February 2013 5:25

use his favorite shirts!!

AKGirlinSD 20

Saturday 23 February 2013 12:13

...and next time he has a stomach ache, make sure that the bathroom is missing toilet paper, leave the home, and turn off your phone. That'll teach him for life!