Intimacy: Today, I had to imagine myself savagely beating my cat to death,...

By strangely - 25/07/2015 00:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to imagine myself savagely beating my cat to death, just to stop myself from getting a boner while a girl laid her head in my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 258

You deserved it 6 260

Intimacy

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Top comments

JohnnyKade 25

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Saturday 25 July 2015 20:03

You must've beat that pussy up good...

euphoricness 28

Saturday 25 July 2015 20:05

I don't think thinking of pussy will help your cause.

JohnnyKade 25

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Saturday 25 July 2015 20:03

You must've beat that pussy up good...

turdoblast 21

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Sunday 26 July 2015 1:22

this comment is actual genius lol

JaffaMC 13

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Saturday 25 July 2015 20:05

What if that had the opposite effect.

bl865ood 17

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Saturday 25 July 2015 21:48

beat that pussy up

QuaDECH 13

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Sunday 26 July 2015 1:17

That would be a strange fetish.

Wolverine33 17

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Sunday 26 July 2015 2:38

Then her noticing his boner should be the least of his worries. And it would be extremely awkward when he gets home to see his cat.

cperagui 18

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Sunday 15 July 2018 11:52

self discovery is key

dudeofawe 15

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Saturday 25 July 2015 20:05

I think most guys can affirm that they have had to do things like that from time to time to keep from getting a boner. Sometimes, it's the only way to keep from an extremely awkward situation.

allforfun 23

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Saturday 25 July 2015 21:47

Better that than thinking of grandma

imkool136 22

Saturday 25 July 2015 22:37

I personally let them see, or feel, what they're getting themselves into. Show yourself... Unless you know nothing good will happen

sam882 28

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Saturday 25 July 2015 22:43

Exactly #60! It's a compliment. He should have just let it happen.It's his body's way of saying "Hey you're hot and you should move your head three inches to the right".

jerzjay 17

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Saturday 25 July 2015 23:12

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

imkool136 22

Saturday 25 July 2015 23:13

EXACTLY!!!! Then just move up and down a bit... Who knows? Lol

beeneatenalive 12

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Saturday 25 July 2015 23:40

You have given me the confidence I need in life. Thank you

SookyLala 13

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Sunday 26 July 2015 4:43

Well, ive never gone to that extreme, but yes i have had to imagine scary things..*shudder*

Badkarma4u 17

Sunday 26 July 2015 9:18

Sorry man, If a girl is putting her head in my lap she has to know two things 1 a dick lives there. 2 I like her. If shes still willing to put her head there. Whatever happens roll with it. Shes not stupid.

euphoricness 28

Saturday 25 July 2015 20:05

I don't think thinking of pussy will help your cause.

juliawolak 8

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Saturday 25 July 2015 20:05

Looks like you had quite the CATastrophe on your hands

juliawolak 8

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Saturday 25 July 2015 20:45

Fuck ya'll that comment was fire

knight2109 12

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Saturday 25 July 2015 20:50

the only fire involved in any pun is when you set that person on fire for making one.

MarkEternal02 19

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Saturday 25 July 2015 20:55

I liked the pun in general. Your over emphasis on CAT however is probably why you're getting down voted. Just my opinion.

phreaker913 21

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Saturday 25 July 2015 21:45

out. now.

Indiantrolledd 16

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Saturday 25 July 2015 23:36

Why the fuck was this downvoted? Fuck all you guys.

sethsmith11 21

Saturday 25 July 2015 23:38

I didn't find the pun funny, but #5 follow up after being down voted was hilarious

IDerive 12

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Saturday 25 July 2015 23:39

Burn!

JoeOfDoom 6

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Sunday 26 July 2015 4:41

I like you and wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

MalekiMaker99 22

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Sunday 26 July 2015 5:10

#31 was so polite haha

BaconBomb2001 6

Sunday 26 July 2015 12:07

*snap* Corner. Now.

Wolfipoo 31

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Saturday 25 July 2015 20:06

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

burristhethird 16

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Saturday 25 July 2015 23:40

That just sounds fucking painful.

BiGTiMeNeRD 29

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Saturday 25 July 2015 20:06

That's a boner fide story.

bingalingading 12

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Saturday 25 July 2015 21:03

we should erect a statue in honor of this guy.

QuaDECH 13

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Sunday 26 July 2015 1:20

You guys must have thought long and hard to cum up with these puns.

PePziNL 20

Sunday 26 July 2015 1:39

These comments are golden, I'll have to write some of them down. Does somebody know where my penis?

terrorwatt 18

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Sunday 26 July 2015 9:19

I jacked it yesterday so I could write notes in my dicktionary.

SalsaVerdeDonut 22

Saturday 25 July 2015 20:08

We've all been there. Though, I never had to think of something like savagely beating my pet to death to refrain from getting a boner. Whatever helps I guess.