Today, I had to explain to my pregnant friend that her plan to get drunk and get a tattoo needed to wait at least 8 months. She then went out for a smoke to calm down. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my girlfriend got a new tattoo - the Blink-182 logo on her stomach. I wouldn't mind it, except she got pregnant a month ago and I'm pretty sure that it can't good for the baby. FML
Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband reacted by going out and smoking weed, then getting completely shitfaced, and having his buddies drag his nearly-comatose carcass back home from a strip club. FML
Today, I was standing on a balcony smoking a cigarette when I noticed a woman giving me strange looks. When I put the cigarette out and went to walk inside she said "You shouldn't smoke while you're pregnant." I'm not pregnant. FML
Today, a stranger had a go at me for smoking while pregnant. I'm a guy. FML
Today, at work, someone heard me throw up. I then got called aside and told being hungover at work is unacceptable. I don't drink. I'm pregnant. FML
Today, I was watching a home video of when my mom was pregnant with me. She had a beer in her hand. FML
Today, my friend told me I'm not welcome in her house anymore. I've spent the last two months painting and doing it up for her, because she's pregnant and couldn't herself. I just finished the job. FML
Today, I was working at the local liquor store. An obviously drunk girl stumbles in, grabs two cases of beer and puts them on the counter. Then she grabs a pregnancy test, pees on it right there, shows me, and says, "I'm not pregnant, I want beer." FML
Today, I celebrated my friend's 5-month sobriety milestone with her by getting absolutely wasted. FML
Today, I learned that when a heavily-pregnant friend asks about my progress with the baby socks I promised to knit, it's rather unwise to tell her, "Not to worry, we're set even if it comes out with a few feet too many." She's still crying. FML
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Top comments
Warmonger_Smurf 29
Mom of the year right there.
Senseless_487 29
I wonder how many guys she'll drunkenly try to convince are the father.
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Comments (160)
Kateyez_26 13
She needs to keep her legs closed and not have babies. Hope she's putting it up for adoption, for the babies sake....
allplayedout 20
You may want to explain to your pregnant friend that it's hardly too late to have a shmashmortion at only a month in .
FiendHunter 19
Sounds like the dumbest possible person that could become pregnant. Fherlife
mattyiscool123 26
Maybe when her baby with a birth defect is born she will think about what you said
The_Piquerist 7
some people just should not be allowed to procreate. if she doesnt care about her unborn childs health try explaining all the effects smoking and drinking can have and how costly it will be when the child is born with asthma or worse. my wife smoked a pack a day for over 10 years but quit cold turkey the instant she found out she was pregnant.
NumbaFour 4
Shit the doctors told my mom to go smoke, guess the blood transfusions and the prematureness wasnt pleasant lol.
YeahBuddy4322 9
Dumb bitch
That_Wolf_Gurl 8
How about no
invisiblegal 13
Wtf did u stop her from smoking ? Jw
love_me_electric 20
Some doctors actually tell people not to stop smoking when they get pregnant, but merely cut back. Apparently the stress from nicotine withdrawal is more harmful to the baby than the nicotine itself. Although if she was smart she wouldn't have started in the first place.