Today, I had to explain to my pregnant friend that her plan to get drunk and get a tattoo needed to wait at least 8 months. She then went out for a smoke to calm down. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my girlfriend got a new tattoo - the Blink-182 logo on her stomach. I wouldn't mind it, except she got pregnant a month ago and I'm pretty sure that it can't good for the baby. FML
Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband reacted by going out and smoking weed, then getting completely shitfaced, and having his buddies drag his nearly-comatose carcass back home from a strip club. FML
Today, I was standing on a balcony smoking a cigarette when I noticed a woman giving me strange looks. When I put the cigarette out and went to walk inside she said "You shouldn't smoke while you're pregnant." I'm not pregnant. FML
Today, a stranger had a go at me for smoking while pregnant. I'm a guy. FML
Today, at work, someone heard me throw up. I then got called aside and told being hungover at work is unacceptable. I don't drink. I'm pregnant. FML
Today, I was watching a home video of when my mom was pregnant with me. She had a beer in her hand. FML
Today, my friend told me I'm not welcome in her house anymore. I've spent the last two months painting and doing it up for her, because she's pregnant and couldn't herself. I just finished the job. FML
Today, I was working at the local liquor store. An obviously drunk girl stumbles in, grabs two cases of beer and puts them on the counter. Then she grabs a pregnancy test, pees on it right there, shows me, and says, "I'm not pregnant, I want beer." FML
Today, I celebrated my friend's 5-month sobriety milestone with her by getting absolutely wasted. FML
Today, I learned that when a heavily-pregnant friend asks about my progress with the baby socks I promised to knit, it's rather unwise to tell her, "Not to worry, we're set even if it comes out with a few feet too many." She's still crying. FML
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Top comments
Warmonger_Smurf 29
Mom of the year right there.
Senseless_487 29
I wonder how many guys she'll drunkenly try to convince are the father.
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Comments (160)
katie1989 9
And your friend may ever be further along than a month. Most pregnancy tests barely register until 6-7 weeks. At least in my experience.
conqueror57 11
I used a $.99 dollar store test and it registered at 3 weeks. Those things are pretty sensitive these days. They also say on the side the level of hormone they will detect.
jpjb 6
Your friend has got to be extremely stupid theres no way around it someone should have her tested just to check for a mental disorder
glitterkuro 18
Uh nope, having a mental illness doesn't necessarily make people this selfish or bad parents. Most of the people I know with mental illnesses and children put their kids above everything including their own mental health. I have mental health issues and I find your comment pretty insulting.
alycion 38
And comments like that is why the stigma and misinformation on mi are still around in what is suppose to be an educated society. Being bipolar, I interact with a lot of mi support groups. The vast majority are very empathetic and are very smart. And you don't have to be too smart to see what op's friend is doing is wrong. Though she does need help. Some people don't think before getting pregnant and need education from professionals on proper pre natal care.
mythicaltimes 15
That's when medals for being dumb can be given out.
bosox29 14
This is why people should have to have a license to have a child. Just like you had to know how to drive before you were legally allowed to endanger someone else's life. But if you had to have a license to have a child there wouldn't be many FML's
Dthsapprntc 23
Baby licenses. Brilliant. Enforcement might be a problem though. People like OP's friend will go out, get drunk and get themselves pregnant regardless.
plagiarismo 16
Goddammit, 138, that's going down as joke of the day.
ravenh1979 13
Wow. Your friend is a piece of SHIT!! Wanting to drink knowing she's pregnant?!?! Smh
ViviMage 39
It is possible she doesn't know the risks of drinking while pregnant. Same with the smoking. If she persists in the light of facts spelled out she's asking for a messed up pregnancy!
telfordbabe 15
your friend is a selfish cow who clearly doesn't deserve to have children how selfish can she be!!!!
SpideyRules 9
YDI for knocking up such a dumb bitch and keeping such an inconsiderate gf
mattrd_fml 31
more like F the baby's life. :-(
cdawgtate 9
Jesus that's what's wrong with people today.. That makes me sick to read
UsernameTaken14 18
You're definitely a good person for trying to give her advice :) hopefully she'll take it soon!