Intimacy: Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated...

By kinky - 05/08/2010 00:24 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 640

You deserved it 37 989

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Same thing different taste

You wanker!

By Nik - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to the doctor because I broke my wrist. My mom told the nurse that I broke it while masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 302

You deserved it 4 523

Get some rest

By Anonymous - 20/06/2021 18:01

Today, I dislocated my shoulder doing a really big stretch when I woke up. After the doctor relocated it, my dad told me I still had to do my chores. No excuses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 907

You deserved it 121

By unlucky - 29/03/2014 23:06 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, I dislocated my shoulder. My doctor failed to fix it, but did succeed in practically dislocating the other one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 786

You deserved it 3 393

By metalmeow - 17/06/2019 05:00

Today, after taking care not to hurt myself during my workout, I injured my shoulder extricating myself from my sports bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 685

You deserved it 200

Unimpressed

By kylie - 02/04/2021 17:01

Today, my doctor told me that I have severely and permanently injured my shoulder. Last week, I attempted to lift more weight than I normally do in an effort to impress my boyfriend. He was not impressed. In fact he said that most kids can lift more than that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 401

You deserved it 912

By Anonymous - 30/10/2014 20:55 - United States - College Place

Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 001

You deserved it 27 421

By one_BAMF - 25/07/2010 05:06 - Canada

Today, I dislocated my shoulder. How? I went to a party with some friends and they each bet me $20 I couldn't lick my elbow. I guess I proved them wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 381

You deserved it 42 166

Overdoing it a bit

By Anonymous - 12/11/2022 16:00

Today, I masturbated so hard I got a cramp in my forearm muscle so unexpectedly that my hand spasmed, slipped off my penis, and I punched myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 1 148

Painful romance

By Anonymous - 02/05/2023 10:00

Today, while my spouse and I were 'doing the do' we went to change positions… but instead we changed the location of their shoulder joint. Fully dislocated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 918

You deserved it 196

By too eager - 25/04/2016 15:21 - Australia - Hurstville

Today, I had a date with an amazing girl so in the shower I wanted to make sure I was extra clean. With the soaped up shower puff in hand I tried to get as much of my back as I could which led to me pushing too far and dislocating my shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 976

You deserved it 2 967

turtlemansam 6

Thursday 5 August 2010 9:11

Can't you just make up an excuse ?

allmidnighteyes 10

Thursday 5 August 2010 9:15

How the **** do you ********** intensely enough to dislocate your shoulder?

Comments

freelife571 4

Thursday 12 May 2011 3:39

wtf?

HelloNoora1 0

Friday 10 June 2011 0:10

and your usernames kinky

abdellatifosama 0

Friday 10 June 2011 15:54

hahaha

Kingmort35 4

Thursday 7 July 2011 17:39

First

pianogirl12345 8

Saturday 9 July 2011 2:03

How the hell did that happen?!

judices 0

Thursday 22 September 2011 14:38

I see what you did there.

witchdoctor1 9

Sunday 27 November 2011 17:15

Lol. I put my picture on using iPod

cRaZy_BaTcH 5

Wednesday 30 November 2011 1:46

This shut have me rolling! I'm dying lol idk why Itz so funni.

fernclogger 5

Thursday 8 December 2011 6:32

INTENSE!!!!!!

Ririshi 0

Thursday 19 April 2012 7:09

Gone totally wild? :)

Keywords

Miscellaneous Neighbours Cops Weird Parents Health Scary Stressed out Embarrassing Transportation Cars Work Love My ex LGBTQIA+ First Dates Social Media Facebook Virginity Intimacy Sex Painful School Tinder Awkward Dating Jealousy Coworkers AITA Anxiety

The Top

Today, I was shopping with my girlfriend, when a girl came out of nowhere, screaming at me for cheating on her, and saying she was dumping me. I've never seen her before, and she was almost grinning during her little act, but my girlfriend believed it, and I'm now single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 368

You deserved it 4 151

Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 160

You deserved it 11 993

The Top

Today, the crazy bitch next door called the cops for me spying on her from my bathroom window. That window was painted shut by the previous owner, and I haven’t unsealed it yet. I had to show this to the cops to prove I have no illegal motive for pissing in my own toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 149

You deserved it 76

Today, I got my cats a new scratching post. They completely ignored it and tore apart the new felt on my pool table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 164

You deserved it 5 091

Today, we spent the day with my grandmother. During a family conversation, my sweet little grandmother looked me up and down, and without any hesitation said, "I remember you being so beautiful," before looking at my mother, mouthing, "What happened?" and laughing. She's 87. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 691

You deserved it 3 265

Today, I was babysitting three little kids. I gave one of them, a seven-year-old, a piggy-back ride, thinking I was strong enough. I managed to get a few feet before face planting on the wooden floor. She's fine though, no pain or anything. My face took the impact for both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 199

You deserved it 26 864

Today, at 4:00 a.m., I woke up and realized that I had thrown an expensive gift certificate for a friend in the garbage. Since it was garbage day, I ran out in the rain in my pajamas and rifled through all three bags of garbage. Twice. I found the gift certificate. It was in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 365

You deserved it 58 987

Today, I got into a major fight with my parents over my younger brother stealing from me. Their response was to get angry at me for my "tone" with them. My brother is 18 with an obvious drug problem, but my tone is the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 269

You deserved it 273