Intimacy: Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated...

By kinky - 05/08/2010 00:24 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 640

You deserved it 37 989

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Same thing different taste

You wanker!

By Nik - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to the doctor because I broke my wrist. My mom told the nurse that I broke it while masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 302

You deserved it 4 523

Get some rest

By Anonymous - 20/06/2021 18:01

Today, I dislocated my shoulder doing a really big stretch when I woke up. After the doctor relocated it, my dad told me I still had to do my chores. No excuses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 907

You deserved it 121

By unlucky - 29/03/2014 23:06 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, I dislocated my shoulder. My doctor failed to fix it, but did succeed in practically dislocating the other one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 786

You deserved it 3 393

By metalmeow - 17/06/2019 05:00

Today, after taking care not to hurt myself during my workout, I injured my shoulder extricating myself from my sports bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 685

You deserved it 200

Unimpressed

By kylie - 02/04/2021 17:01

Today, my doctor told me that I have severely and permanently injured my shoulder. Last week, I attempted to lift more weight than I normally do in an effort to impress my boyfriend. He was not impressed. In fact he said that most kids can lift more than that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 401

You deserved it 912

By Anonymous - 30/10/2014 20:55 - United States - College Place

Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 001

You deserved it 27 421

By one_BAMF - 25/07/2010 05:06 - Canada

Today, I dislocated my shoulder. How? I went to a party with some friends and they each bet me $20 I couldn't lick my elbow. I guess I proved them wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 381

You deserved it 42 166

Overdoing it a bit

By Anonymous - 12/11/2022 16:00

Today, I masturbated so hard I got a cramp in my forearm muscle so unexpectedly that my hand spasmed, slipped off my penis, and I punched myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 1 148

Painful romance

By Anonymous - 02/05/2023 10:00

Today, while my spouse and I were 'doing the do' we went to change positions… but instead we changed the location of their shoulder joint. Fully dislocated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 918

You deserved it 196

By too eager - 25/04/2016 15:21 - Australia - Hurstville

Today, I had a date with an amazing girl so in the shower I wanted to make sure I was extra clean. With the soaped up shower puff in hand I tried to get as much of my back as I could which led to me pushing too far and dislocating my shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 976

You deserved it 2 967

turtlemansam 6

Thursday 5 August 2010 9:11

Can't you just make up an excuse ?

allmidnighteyes 10

Thursday 5 August 2010 9:15

How the **** do you ********** intensely enough to dislocate your shoulder?

Comments

Nomazlab 0

Wednesday 11 August 2010 4:15

Dude, just lie next time!

xcountryfreak 0

Wednesday 11 August 2010 6:42

ouch man

treeboy 0

Wednesday 11 August 2010 22:36

how is tht even possible

YouGotTold 0

Thursday 12 August 2010 2:52

this had to be a girl bcz a dude would have ****** his elbow up 1st

chillassmofuka 0

Thursday 12 August 2010 11:45

couldn't think of any thing else could ya

chillassmofuka 0

Thursday 12 August 2010 11:55

I'm also surprised that no one ( from what I read ) has commented on how beautiful #164 is.

fayman 5

Monday 9 April 2012 15:28

her comment got removed. what is her username?

iAllyBabes 0

Thursday 12 August 2010 16:04

ummm, now I guess you gotta use your other hand. Bummer.

mjcdsjf 0

Thursday 12 August 2010 23:22

nice save 127... I was thinking about researching the sane thing...

ugwmii 0

Saturday 14 August 2010 7:55

damn, must have been good ****. good luck fixing your shoulder.

ggdancer 0

Thursday 19 August 2010 9:37

. thats embarasaing ahahahhaha x) consider getting a wrestler or something?

Keywords

Cops Weird Neighbours Miscellaneous Scary Stressed out Parents Health Cars Transportation Embarrassing Work First Dates Love My ex LGBTQIA+ Social Media Facebook Sex Intimacy Virginity School Painful Tinder Awkward Dating AITA Jealousy Coworkers Skincare

The Top

Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 160

You deserved it 11 993

Today, while fighting unemployment and an visible abscess on my neck, I was cajoled into attending my Mom's birthday party. I spent the entire time at the restaurant trying to hide an oozing sore with a bandage, eating partially edible food. The cost? $40 I can't afford to spend on food not worth $5. FML

I agree, your life sucks 403

You deserved it 106

The Top

Today, I'm a hoarder, and my boyfriend has had enough. He asked if I wanted to save an empty orange juice jug. I know this is the end of our relationship and end of my life. I'm sorting through all my stuff and deciding what to throw away and what to give away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 351

You deserved it 883

Today, after two years of working from home, and being bugged by a relative every five minutes as I tried to work, I turned the tables by asking her something. I promptly got chewed out for interrupting something she was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 931

You deserved it 116

Today, I was installing wireless surveillance cameras outside my workplace. Before mounting them, I pointed them around the building to make sure there was a good signal and picture. I got inside to the monitor just in time to see a kid steal one of the cameras. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 604

You deserved it 3 096

Today, I was having sex with my husband. We thought the house was empty so we didn't mind being loud. Apparently, my grandma thought it would be fun to give us a surprise visit. All I found was a note on the counter from her and the spare key saying "Next time, I'll call." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 649

You deserved it 4 588

This is some kind of déjà vu.

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 399

Today, I found out I can sneak out of my house... but not back in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 212

You deserved it 334