Transportation: Today, I had my car valeted at my hotel. The manager came out,...

By hatty - 23/09/2011 13:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I had my car valeted at my hotel. The manager came out, took my keys, and said the car would be waiting for me in an hour. I was then forced to watch from the lobby as the "manager" sped off downtown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 830

You deserved it 6 150

Transportation

Age difference

Another great day to be alive

Thanks, great feedback everyone!

Don't push me 'cause I'm close to the edge, I'm trying not to lose my head

By Anonymous - 08/07/2021 21:01 - United States - San Marcos

Today, and since I found out that I'm pregnant, I've been sober. I used to smoke weed to help with me depression and anxiety, but now I can't even take prescription medicine for it. I'm about to throw hands at this point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 314

By yeahthatsme - 30/07/2009 20:15 - United States

Today, I placed a personal ad advertising myself as an overweight woman wanting sex. I sent pictures of me in lingerie to men who replied and was pleased that almost all were still interested. Then I sent face pics. As it turns out, being fat is not my problem. Apparently I'm ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 750

You deserved it 29 310

Hello?

By andibartle - 18/10/2010 04:39 - United States

Today, at my new job, I was answering the phone and said "Hello Cafe Thirty, how may I help you?" The man on the other line said "Don't you mean Old Town Cafe?" Cafe Thirty was my old job. I now work at Old Town Cafe. The man on the other line was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 006

You deserved it 28 387

By Anonymous - 17/09/2014 22:10 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found out my wife named our son after her ex-lover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 746

You deserved it 3 369

By storksleuth - 04/10/2011 08:57 - United States

Today, I saw a girl wearing a Nirvana shirt. Since Nirvana has been my favorite band for a long time, I tried striking up a conversation with her. Turns out she doesn't even listen to them, and only bought the shirt because she "liked the smiley face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 839

You deserved it 5 558

By jfranklin - 18/10/2010 01:39 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were making fun of a photo album on Facebook containing pictures of two friends who just got engaged. I jokingly asked her to marry me. She said yes. We have been dating for two months. She's not in on the joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 030

You deserved it 50 187

The Birmingham School of Business School

By overundereducated - 13/03/2020 18:00

Today, I found out that my stick figure drawing passed as homework during my doctoral level seminar. I'm paying over two thousand dollars for this course. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 219

You deserved it 215

By strandedguest - 30/09/2010 06:51 - United States

Today, while my friend and I signed the guest-book at a wedding, the drunk guy at our table stole my friend's painkillers and car keys before getting into a cab. Didn't need the painkillers, definitely needed the keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 292

You deserved it 2 855

Slow day

By Driver - 18/06/2021 08:01

Today, after a 14-hour day at work 180 km away, the freeway was closed 30 km from home. I had to detour, adding another hour and a half to the already three-hour trip home. I was basically at work for almost 28 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 758

You deserved it 66

By Claustrophobic - 04/04/2013 07:12 - United States

Today, I was on a plane in the aisle seat; the guy in the middle was encroaching on my space, and the window seat was not taken. The stewardess noticed my discomfort and suggested the guy move so we both had space. He had bought both seats and "liked sitting in the middle." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 210

You deserved it 2 411

By d0pey - 20/02/2009 22:02 - United States

Today, I realized that there are more framed pictures of my mom's dog than pictures of me around the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 818

You deserved it 3 430

By Argh - 24/11/2018 03:00 - United States - Longview

Today, my boss reached a new low when, after three software upgrades, she refused to let me update the user manual that I wrote a year ago. She has also cancelled the training sessions I set up to help people learn the new software. People are asking me why I'm not doing my job anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 259

You deserved it 161

By Anonymous - 25/11/2015 13:37 - United States - Palmer

Today, my boss forced me to come into work despite having a bad cold. While waiting a table, I violently sneezed and sprayed a child's face with snot. His dad got so pissed that my boss had to pretend to fire me just to calm him down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 570

You deserved it 2 625

By sleepwalker - 22/11/2009 01:33 - United States

Today, I woke up in my roommate's bed. Apparently, the previous night I sleep-walked into her room, layed on her bed, and fell asleep. In the middle of her and her boyfriend having sex. He's now going around saying he slept with both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 468

You deserved it 4 633

By colorblind - 05/07/2009 21:49 - United States

Today, I found one of those online color blindness tests where you have to distinguish a colored number from the pattern. Not being able to, I spent hundreds of dollars on medical tests to discover that the pattern online was a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 431

You deserved it 71 236

By Anonymous - 10/06/2012 06:24 - Canada - Whitby

Today, I used a prank app, where you shake the cell, and it makes the screen looks cracked. I ended up losing my grip on the phone. It went flying, and it is now cracked for real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 930

You deserved it 36 521

By Modeon123 - 20/10/2016 10:11 - Korea, Republic of - Seoul

Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right inside my mouth. My tongue got stung. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 395

You deserved it 1 150

By ByeByeBirdie - 29/06/2016 22:41 - United States - Montgomery

Today, I'd had enough of the annoying bird constantly singing in the shrillest bird voice possible outside of my window, so I chased it around the yard, shooing it away, as my cat sat there and watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 689

You deserved it 1 783

By driverboy - 31/12/2014 08:08 - United States

Today, I had to pick up and drive home a couple of drunk bitches. Unfortunately, one of these drunk bitches was my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 836

You deserved it 4 852

By Anonymous - 13/11/2011 08:40 - Canada

Today, I got home late to find my dad outside mowing the lawn in the dark. I told him the neighbors were going to think he lost his marbles for mowing it at that time. He then informed me he wasn't mowing it, he was vacuuming it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 860

You deserved it 2 483

By superficialheart - 21/01/2012 11:59 - China

Today, while riding back from a weekend away with my boyfriend, we crashed his motorbike, resulting in us getting thrown over a barbed wire fence into a forest. I woke up in hospital. Apparently, in his adrenaline rush, he climbed back on his bike and continued his trip, forgetting all about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 342

You deserved it 3 241

Dash and dine

By Anonymous - 06/09/2020 16:01 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I was on a dinner date. Went really well. She said she was excited to have date number two. It came to paying. I went up to pay. Turned around. She had gone. Number blocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 544

You deserved it 104

By Anonymous - 13/12/2009 05:19 - United States

Today, I let my boyfriend finger me for the first time. Today, I also learned, after fifteen very, very long minutes of it, how to fake an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 480

You deserved it 6 308

By Ouch - 19/07/2015 14:36 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I was at a professional tennis match. The ball was hit extremely hard, resulting in it going into the crowd. And when I say crowd, I mean my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 266

You deserved it 2 116

By Anonymous - 08/05/2014 19:52 - United States - Plymouth

Today, I overheard someone at the mall telling his friend, "So I'm going in for a brain scan." Trying to be funny, I piped up, "Better hope they find something!" Turns out that had been the end of his sentence, and the scan is to see if his cancer has spread. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 489

You deserved it 74 695

By stopinthenameoflove - 19/06/2014 14:37 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 003

You deserved it 15 386

By Anonymous - 26/01/2013 22:20 - Denmark - Fredericia

Today, my husband quit his stable job of 12 years at the bank to pursue a career selling kites. If we don't end up homeless because of this, god knows we will when he has a real mid-life crisis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 447

You deserved it 3 640

Used car, one careful owner

By Anonymous - 24/04/2021 23:01 - United States - High Springs

Today, after searching online and in the newspaper for an affordable used vehicle, I finally came across one that wasn't a scam or the seller lying about the actual condition of the vehicle. It was legit and and sold about 10 minutes after the seller gave me his info for me to go look at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 805

You deserved it 78

By DaddyZ - 27/06/2010 13:30 - United States

Today, my youngest son thought that RedBull actually gave him wings. What it actually gave him was a trip to the ER and 7 stitches. It also gave me a meeting with social services. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 126

You deserved it 8 240

Street art

By squidwardpotatoes - 14/11/2009 11:08 - United States

Today, I went to the movies. Not only did the movie end up being awful, but I came to my car to find out someone drew Squidward from SpongeBob, with large letters spelling, "I LIKE POTATOES!" on my windshield. In permanent marker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 216

You deserved it 3 245

By Hungryman - 15/01/2010 21:30 - France

Today, I ordered a Diet Coke with my meal from a fast food restaurant. Turns out, they didn't give me diet. My blood sugar spiked and I was sick for hours later. I'm a diabetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 303

You deserved it 8 231

By anonymous - 16/10/2014 20:53 - United States - Canton

Today, I walked into my house and saw it was flooded. I went upstairs to the bathroom to see the toilet overflowing and my boyfriend holding my dog over it so he could drink it. My boyfriend said he didn't know what else to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 058

You deserved it 4 043

By misoranomegami - 21/06/2014 02:48 - United States

Today, my mother came over to check on my new kitten while I was at work. She took a video of the kitten playing on my bed and climbing on my nightstand. Right on top of my vibrator I forgot to put away. I'm not sure if she noticed or not but she's certainly been showing the video around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 630

You deserved it 16 293

Stinky

By ytho - 05/04/2021 00:00 - United States - Denver

Today, my natural body odor has gotten so bad that despite wearing 20 swipes of men’s deodorant under each armpit and taking three showers a day with an entire bottle of body wash, I still smell like a cross between onions and hot garbage. I’m a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 140

You deserved it 134

Are you sure?

By Anonymous - 15/04/2021 11:00 - United States - Arlington

Today, I sent a picture of my two little nephews to my friends, who now keep telling me how my older nephew looks exactly like me. They’re starting to make awkward statements such as, “Are you sure you didn’t have sex with your sister in-law?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 92

By yacoob - 24/01/2009 21:34 - United States

Today, I figured out that my baby-powder container can be closed by twisting the cap. I just got back from a long trip. My suitcase used to be black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 606

You deserved it 25 132

By chillyinside - 10/02/2013 05:03 - Canada

Today, my furnace broke down, almost a month after its twenty year warranty expired. It would have been replaced for free. Now I'm going to have to take out a loan to afford the $4,000 replacement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 474

You deserved it 2 700

By Disturbed - 30/12/2008 20:27 - United States

Today, I just found out that my brother in law and his wife frequent a swingers establishment that me and the wife have visited. Which is OK I suppose (providing we never see each other there) but he told me his parents go there too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 164

You deserved it 6 343

That's… a crime?

By Anonymous - 04/03/2021 05:01 - Canada

Today, I finally told my boyfriend that I see a therapist every week because, amongst other things, I'm terrified of being locked in a room. He didn't believe me, so he locked me in the bathroom "for a laugh." I had a panic attack and passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 639

You deserved it 107

By badbride - 26/07/2011 17:11 - United States

Today, I accidentally slept in two hours later than I was supposed to. Today is my wedding day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 173

You deserved it 34 695

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Top comments

stormchaser24 24

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Friday 23 September 2011 17:50

Wow call the cops and give tell them what he looks like. FYL. But you should have checked his ID.

zniltiaC 19

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Friday 23 September 2011 17:54

This is why I don't trust valet parking.

stormchaser24 24

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Friday 23 September 2011 17:50

Wow call the cops and give tell them what he looks like. FYL. But you should have checked his ID.

Lanceeden 12

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Friday 23 September 2011 17:59

Bueller...Bueller...Bueller...

baby_sp00n 0

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Friday 23 September 2011 18:15

Why would you check for i.d.

Jovecove 13

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Friday 23 September 2011 18:16

Probably sent this fml through his phone, which if I was OP, I'll be talking to the cops now.

Keyman1212 14

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Friday 23 September 2011 18:17

Checked his ID? "Um yes, sir, can I see your drivers license?" *looks at license* "Seems legit." Instead of checking his ID, OP should have, I don't know, looked at his uniform. If some guy dressed in regular clothes takes your keys from you, you only deserve it. I mean even just a name badge would suffice.

bassdredd 2

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Friday 23 September 2011 19:14

#6 thank you! I was waiting to see if anyone would make a Ferris Bueller reference :)

Lanceeden 12

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Friday 23 September 2011 19:20

I was surprised no one else did haha. It's a classic !

MyCleverName 2

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Friday 23 September 2011 20:43

15, most the time managers at hotels don't wear uniforms, just nice clothes, so if you have a tie you could pass for the manager.

RedSharpieInk 5

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Saturday 24 September 2011 1:14

and, children, THAT'S why you always park your own car :)

je_suis_fml 11

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Saturday 24 September 2011 4:26

forced?! ydi

guckylynn 19

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Saturday 24 September 2011 5:22

Valets keep your keys.

iam_yummylicious 12

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Saturday 24 September 2011 10:35

I wish that the valet keys had more security features than not allowing them to gain access to your glovebox/trunk. They should also limit the car's speed =c! FYL.

Boygenius50 8

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Sunday 25 September 2011 14:48

Don't worry, it's just an hour...

SeaMen 3

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Sunday 15 January 2012 6:06

ydi if ur not talking to the cops

that1guyyy 12

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Friday 23 September 2011 17:51

Call the cops

chell1894 13

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Friday 23 September 2011 18:51

Car chase!

skyguy89 0

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Friday 23 September 2011 17:53

Wtf? Was he going to fix it or track down who did it?

akayc32 0

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Friday 23 September 2011 22:15

3... What are you trying to say??

franniedottp 8

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Saturday 24 September 2011 2:10

#3, he took OP's car. The FML was simple enough. A random man wouldn't take a car (after pretending to be the manager, mind you) to fix it.

zniltiaC 19

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Friday 23 September 2011 17:54

This is why I don't trust valet parking.

Snookie85 19

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Friday 23 September 2011 19:20

Nope, I always park my own car.

Epikouros 31

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Friday 23 September 2011 18:00

YDI for being too lazy to park your own car.

Coolguyt2 0

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Friday 23 September 2011 21:50

At fancy hotels they park your car for you so he didn't have a choice stupid

Wdgames 0

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Friday 23 September 2011 22:00

Also, many hotels in cities have underground or raised parking garages where only the valets are allowed to go, since it reduces the chance of car theft.

MSheary1993 1

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Saturday 24 September 2011 6:43

Yea it sure does help reduce car theft... Oh wait the OP got his car stolen.

sequins 1

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Saturday 24 September 2011 11:22

actually the fedex/kinkos near me requires valet too -.- (they have a really small parking lot so I think valet helps them tandem and fit more people in. but yea basically I don't consider faxing a document or mailing a letter "fancy".

jasminea 0

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Friday 23 September 2011 18:00

you always need more information about the "managers"

RedPillSucks 31

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Friday 23 September 2011 18:00

Where was the valet parking lot. Perhaps it was down town???

rocker_chick105 31

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Friday 23 September 2011 18:05

You know the plates (hopefully). Get him arrested!

Btreasure 8

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Friday 23 September 2011 18:06

managers dont usually do valet do they? and even still i would asked for someone with a name tag. better yet i wouldnt be lazy enough to ask someone to park MY car.