Love: Today, I had a date with a girl. Wanting to make a good impression,... - FML

By zevil - Peru

Today, I had a date with a girl. Wanting to make a good impression, I spend a lot of time getting ready and by the time I get to the place we were supposed to meet she isn't there anymore. I call her to see where she is. She's in bed with another guy and says "I was REALLY waiting for you". FML

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Season finale

Triage

Buyer's market

By EPICfml. - United States

Today, my dad woke me up at 6 told me to take a shower and drove me to school only to say "just kidding, happy snowday!" FML

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By Anonymous

Jagged Little Pill

Today, my daughter wanted to show me the tooth she had just lost. As I was in a rush to leave for work, I quickly picked up and swallowed my pill that was on the kitchen table. It was only until I looked back down at the table did I see not only my pill, but one extremely angry daughter glaring at me. FML

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By Geraldine - Canada

Today, it's been three days since my husband got into free-jazz. He plays all the time in our small apartment. Loud. It's like listening to three guys build a shed for 10 giant angry wasps. FML

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By rissalynn

Today, my boyfriend's mother called me lazy. Her days consist of sitting on her couch watching Fox News. I'm a college athlete who also has a part-time job, yet I'm the lazy one. FML

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By simonjudy - United Kingdom

Today, my sister and I both got "good luck" cards from our aunt wishing us well on our exams. My sister's said "We know you will do well". Mine said "We will love you no matter what happens". FML

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By older - United States

Today, I was walking downtown. I'm 57 years old, and I'm pretty well along in terms of hair loss. On top of that, I recently hurt my left leg and am walking with a crutch. I passed two teenagers, who were looking at me, and I overheard "Yeah, I agree. I'm much more scared of aging than death." FML

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By Fefe - United States

Today, tired of my social anxiety making me look uncool, I told everyone I was going out partying tonight. I'm actually just going to watch 'Jersey Shore' and pretend I'm with the cast. Something even more sad? I'm really excited. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was fired for actively seeking employment with another company. Because of having just been fired, the other company will no longer give me the time of day. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I overheard my mother-in-law and sister-in-law over the baby monitor. They were talking about how much better off my daughter would be if I were to die. FML

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By Frustation - United States

Today, I started my new job, and was introduced to my colleague. She seemed old and quite experienced, so I thought she was going to teach me. I was wrong. It turns out I'm a replacement for her daughter, who used to secretly do all of her work for her because she has no idea how to do it herself. FML

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By yeahthatsme - United States

Today, I placed a personal ad advertising myself as an overweight woman wanting sex. I sent pictures of me in lingerie to men who replied and was pleased that almost all were still interested. Then I sent face pics. As it turns out, being fat is not my problem. Apparently I'm ugly. FML

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By justmyluck - Australia

Today, after waiting 3 months, I finally got my wedding dress back from the dry-cleaners. The dry cleaning lasted longer than the marriage. FML

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By bh2000 - 29/5/2020 17:00

Pay up

Today, I'd purchased a ticket for the train on my mobile app. Some idiot pushed past me on his way out and in the process makes me drop my phone, ruining it. A conductor then came to check my ticket and I got fined 150 dollars. FML

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By TheOtherWoman - United States

Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML

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By Oreo

Today, my dad and stepmom came back from a very expensive two-month trip across the world. When they got home, they had more gifts for their cat than for me. FML

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By sparkrok - United States - Puyallup

Today, at work, I was standing around, doing nothing. When my coworker pointed this out, I laughed and said, "It's okay, I'm training for a supervisor position!" Guess who was standing right behind me. FML

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By Me

Today, I went horseback riding with this guy I like. I asked him to help me get on the horse. I slipped, and while trying to keep my balance, I kicked him in the face. FML

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By Uh oh... - United States

Today, my boyfriend of almost two years and I broke up. Earlier, we scheduled our classes for senior year to match perfectly. Can't wait. FML

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By Boo - Australia

Today, I finally had a phone call after a week of nothing. It was my mother. It was an accident. FML

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By Lee - United States

Today, I decided to pull some weeds in my backyard. Everything was going great until I got a concussion. My dog thought that it would be fun to headbutt me from a running start. Twice. FML

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By NoTalkAllGame - United States - Horsham

Today, it's been five days since my roommate last talked to me. Although she's not communicating with me verbally, she's excelling at non-verbal communication: slamming doors and drawers, and watching loud videos, all while I desperately try to study. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/7/2020 17:01

Marxism intensifies

Today, after three weeks of suffering from COVID, I returned to work. I met with my boss, and was written up for absenteeism. Oh, and we're closing early because there are ongoing riots. Oh, and we lost the contract and I'm unemployed in three weeks. FML

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By blah blah

Today, I tried convincing my husband to spend his day off work with me because we both work a lot, and have almost no time to spend together. His literal response was, “I’d rather pick a shift up at work.” FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Cypress

Today, my mom mentioned how she loves certain actor's "British" accent. I couldn't help but mention that there's no such thing, and that there are lots of different accents in Britain. She got pissed and lectured me for "lying" to her and trying to make her feel stupid. FML

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By theseguysarewhipped... - Canada - London

Today, as a limo driver, I had to drive 8 guys for a night-out from their wives. I put the Michigan/Rutgers game on the radio, thinking they would appreciate that. Apparently, they wanted to listen to their "pump-up" songs instead, which were mostly Katy Perry songs. FML

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By 1337fade - Denmark

Today, my wife figured that a good foreplay move would be to rub MY underwear in MY face. FML

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By LostSoul

Today, I arrived at the doctor's to schedule surgery to find out my insurance got canceled again. I only just got it reinstated after the last time they screwed up and canceled it. It took me 6 months to get it fixed. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, the first thing my fiancé did when he walked in the door was to loudly announce all the hot kinky stuff he was about to do to me on the kitchen table. Unfortunately for him my dad, mother and both my brothers had just dropped in for a visit and heard every word he said. FML

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By BiteMe14 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend about my foot phobia. To help me "get over it", he took his socks off, pinned me down, and rubbed his foot against my face until I started sobbing. FML

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By TipsyTj - Canada - Kentville

Today, I was on my run, running past the home of the very attractive guy in my English class. This time he was outside. As I was running I casually waved, he waved back, but because I was distracted, I didn't notice a rock on the sidewalk and ended up tripping and pantsing myself. FML

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By Anon - Canada

Today, I was on a date with this girl. I attempted to put my arm around her, but I elbowed her in the face instead. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/2/2021 10:58

All Dressed Up and Nowhere to Go

Today, I had to cancel a plane ticket to a friend's wedding, because first he gave me the wrong date, after which his fiancée cut me from the guests because of Covid safety. Instead of paying $600 to be in the ceremony, I'm paying $400 to not go anywhere because the ticket could only be partially refunded. FML

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By Pho_Rheal - United States

Today, I got a phone call for a interview at Target at 4:30 pm. I got super excited, so I got dressed up and headed over there. I tell the manager that I am there for my interview. He doesn't know what I'm talking about. My friends had prank called me. FML

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By Hobbsie - Canada

Today, my dad walked in on me singing "Bohemian Rhapsody", while spinning in circles with the cat in my arms. I thought I was home alone. FML

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By saracenslament

Today, my relationship with my family is so bad that when someone burst into my house without ringing the doorbell, my first assumption was, "Oh God I hope it's not my mum visiting!" rather than, "Oh God, it's a burglar!" It was actually my mother-in-law, and I was truly relieved. FML

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By skipper - United States

Today, I listened to my room mate having sex from 3 A.M. until 6 A.M. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/8/2020 05:02

Getting no pussy love

Today, since getting the new kitten that only I wanted, it has scratched me and peed on my socks, my side of the bed and my laptop. It loves my husband though, who was against getting a cat at all. FML

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By willconqueror1 - United States

Today, coming home from a trip in the mountains, I got a cracked radiator and my car overheated. My dad came to get me, he drove my car and I followed in his. I got pulled over and ticketed for his expired registration. FML

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By Anon_a_mouse - Reserved

Today, I came home from a week-long vacation, only to find my mother-in-law didn't just dog-sit while I was gone; she moved in, along with all her possessions, and seems to think it's a permanent deal. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my nose was really stuffy. I heard somewhere that inhaling tea steam clears up the nose. While reading a magazine I inhaled my cup of green tea steam, without knowing that slowly I was moving my cup closer to my nose. Hot tea was sucked into my left nostril and burned the inside badly. FML

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Top comments

By rachelroller | 0

#6974 - Wednesday 25 February 2009 8:06

wow what a wh*re! aren't you glad you didn't go out with THAT? who knows what you would've caught..

By jim_witness | 0

#24871 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 21:31

Your sin in vanity. Her sin is lust. You would've had such beautiful children *sniff*

COMMENTS

By rachelroller | 0

#6974 - Wednesday 25 February 2009 8:06

wow what a wh*re! aren't you glad you didn't go out with THAT? who knows what you would've caught..

Reply

Astroman129 | 7

#1462742 - Monday 27 September 2010 3:18

Yeah. Not an FML. Be happy you don't have Chlamydia.

By bandito0007 | 0

#10830 - Monday 2 March 2009 9:50

you're a faggot

By stoylz | 0

#13210 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 23:23

feel your pain bro

By tsunami2_us | 0

#16804 - Thursday 5 March 2009 22:24

You're better off. She's a whore

By jim_witness | 0

#24871 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 21:31

Your sin in vanity. Her sin is lust. You would've had such beautiful children *sniff*

By gohan10 | 0

#42353 - Thursday 19 March 2009 8:26

ya shes prly have STD;s and hiv stuff lik that

Reply

iluvmybf211 | 0

#3729283 - Wednesday 14 December 2011 5:30

Ya shes prly has STD;s?

By jsmith1199 | 0

#46966 - Saturday 21 March 2009 6:07

gotta be careful of those whores

By theoldGP | 0

#49370 - Sunday 22 March 2009 5:29

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By intensify | 0

#60258 - Thursday 26 March 2009 19:45

I feel bad for you because that's a shitty situation, but at the same time at least you found out early that she's a whore-bag. SEriously that is f-ed up nobody deserves to be treated like that.

By will90 | 5

#76124 - Thursday 2 April 2009 3:10

All these guys crying STD STD are just lonely, and sad they never get any. You'd rather one of those insane religious chicks that wants to "wait til marriage"? Didn't think so.

Reply

thatonek1d | 0

#1029622 - Sunday 13 June 2010 19:43

but he prly doest want a whore who bang so many ppl that she has a fuckin pimp

Reply

thatonek1d | 0

#1029624 - Sunday 13 June 2010 19:45

that last comment was for number 11
ps I'm agnostic and I am waiting till marriage and I'm a dude goin thru puberty so I'm horny as fuck and I do have a gf.
11 ur being like that Hitler fucker. anti religious bastard.

Reply

lucky__star | 0

#1190129 - Thursday 5 August 2010 0:20

Hitler was a Christian. I don't agree with what he did or anything but Just sayin'.

Reply

berrychii17 | 5

#2200233 - Friday 18 March 2011 18:30

fuk u I'm 1 of those ppl who r gona wait til marriage. and my bf completely understands.

Reply

PoeSlayer | 0

#2892813 - Friday 15 July 2011 1:35

there's nothing wring with waiting till marriage. thats what my girlfriend and I are doing and we're both virgins. I'd much prefer that to a girl that has slept with so many guys sex means nothing to her anymore

Reply

ArielTheMermaid | 17

#2983450 - Wednesday 27 July 2011 4:30

what's wrong with waiting? jerk

Reply

xxrogerthatxx | 19

#5746769 - Friday 8 November 2013 15:56

Nothing wrong with waiting so long as you find someone willing to wait too; and by the looks of it^^^^ I guess it's more often than I thought