Work: Too good

Too good

By hard work doesn't work - 13/03/2015 06:21 - United States - Irving

Today, I found out that the reason I didn't get the job that I have been working my butt off for over a year for is because they can't find anybody who can do my current job as good as me. I'm too good to be promoted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 347

You deserved it 3 005

Work

Our house, in the middle of our street

The wrong end of the stick

Going swimmingly

By FutureMarine3658 - 08/08/2012 14:00 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, out of habit, after scratching my balls, I then smelt my hand. It was at that moment I realized most of my gym was staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 418

You deserved it 50 385

By derranged - 22/04/2009 18:24 - China

Today, I was the best man at a wedding and I was flirting with a cute bridesmaid. Then this old guy decides to give the newlyweds a toast. He made a crappy joke and barely anybody laughed. So I say to the girl, "Wow that sucked, who the hell does he think he is?" The girl replies, "That's my dad". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 197

You deserved it 73 322

By kp - 31/08/2010 12:46 - Australia

Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday. After spending a reasonable amount of cash to get us a nice hotel room to celebrate, he decides he would rather spend the night drinking with his friends. They all threw up in the bath tub before passing out on our bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 055

You deserved it 4 473

By :$ - 06/08/2012 22:08 - Canada - Niagara Falls

Today, I had to scream for my dad to come help me, after I got my hair caught in a fan while trying to make the Darth Vader voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 966

You deserved it 35 036

By Anonymous - 28/07/2019 14:00

Today, I was at a waterpark with my friends, waiting in line for about 45 minutes to go on the biggest ride there. When it was finally our turn, the lifeguard at the top pulled me over and measured me to see if I was tall enough. I wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 776

You deserved it 429

By alyssaamarante - 13/06/2015 02:41 - United States - East Northport

Today, I decided to go thrifting to save some money. Ironically, I ended up having to pay for an emergency trip to the hospital because somebody was too lazy to wash the cat hair off their clothes. I'm severely allergic to cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 286

You deserved it 8 912

By Anonymous - 17/11/2010 10:58 - United States

Today, I started an awesome job with competitive pay. I also found out that the place is closing its doors in June. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 391

You deserved it 2 669

By jeeperspeepers - 02/08/2009 22:03 - United States

Today, my brother's best friend spent the night and was changing with the door partially open. He's super hot and as I was watching him change, he sneezed. Forgetting he didn't know I was watching him, I said bless you. He called me a freak, slammed the door in my face and told my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 118

You deserved it 132 708

By sickofsick - 30/12/2009 03:11 - United States

Today, I woke up with the flu that causes me to throw up violently until I dry heave and can't breathe. I told my mom I would rather have the runs, and not even a minute later, I got them. So now if I move too fast, I throw up, and if I don't move fast enough, I shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 576

You deserved it 3 963

By Anonymous - 13/09/2012 20:37 - United Kingdom - Harlow

Today, my car alarm went off at a funeral, three times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 738

You deserved it 3 729

By goodbyepromotion - 30/08/2013 06:28 - United States - Dayton

Today, I addressed my district manager as "Dude." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 514

You deserved it 41 777

By Kyle - 10/05/2011 10:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I searched frantically for my glasses for ages. After giving up, I realised I could see perfectly. I had been wearing them the whole time and neither my mother nor my father told me because "it was far too funny" watching me yell "Where the fuck are they?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 958

You deserved it 46 907

By Anonymous - 04/04/2015 10:16 - India

Today, the girl I've been seeing for less than a week started raging and ended up threatening me with a knife, after I shot down her idea of getting married next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 249

You deserved it 3 431

Yummy

By Massasam - 11/10/2011 20:53 - United States

Today, I was late for work. Trying to cut a few seconds off the clock, I tried to open my breakfast candy bar while taking a piss. I ended up pissing all over myself and dropping the bar in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 743

You deserved it 41 890

It's not what you think…

By sucks - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserts dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said, "How do you like that?" Then my mom walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 890

You deserved it 158 717

By Anonymous - 03/06/2019 06:33

Today, I began writing thank-you cards for the gifts I got for my 21st birthday. To one set of grandparents, I wrote, "Thank you for the dancing chicken toy," and to the others I wrote, "Thank you for the $10 check." Those were the only gifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 713

You deserved it 239

Oh, hi Sharon!

By graveyard-sh*t - 29/10/2019 14:00

Today, my psycho ex-girlfriend showed up at my new job to, "Keep an eye on me." The same ex-girlfriend who has been stalking me since we broke up. Two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 877

You deserved it 182

By vixenscars - 19/01/2009 16:49 - United States

Today, I slipped on a banana peel in a store parking lot as I was getting out of my car. I landed on my ass. The cops that were parking behind me later informed me that I would be able to see the video on youtube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 554

You deserved it 2 468

Nightmare mother

By scared shirtless - 18/03/2021 20:01

Today, for the fifth time in a row, I woke up screaming from a nightmare. My mother burst into my room, leaned in real close and said, "So help me god, if you do not stop fucking screaming, I will rip your arms off and beat you with them." I’m never sleeping again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 024

You deserved it 190

By Kenton - 15/06/2019 00:14

Today, my older brother called me in the middle of the night to describe to me, in painstaking elaborate detail, the Yamaha commercial he'd just watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 520

You deserved it 147

Burn

By Swedishsummer - 08/05/2016 21:54 - Sweden - Floda

Today, we finally got some signs of summer in Sweden and I went to hang out in the sun with some friends. I was wearing sunglasses so I only put sunscreen on my nose and forehead. I now have a dick-shaped area in my face where I didn't completely burn my face off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 309

You deserved it 5 492

Stalker vibes

By porkieworkie - 21/04/2009 12:44 - United States

Today, after getting off the phone with a girl I'm interested in, I parked on campus and ate my lunch in the car. As I was sitting there, she appeared out of nowhere and walked to her car. I was parked directly behind her car, sitting there like a creepy ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 653

You deserved it 9 246

By Screwed - 22/04/2009 17:46 - United States

Today, I brought a cute guy back from the bar to have sex. He was drunk, so he had trouble getting it up, and I said jokingly "you need to work on that". We fell asleep, and I woke up the next morning to him gone and a note that said "you need to work on not farting in your sleep". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 340

You deserved it 86 513

By HereWeGoAgain - 24/01/2013 07:19 - United States

Today, my mom went to court to finalize her divorce. I would have felt sorry for her, had this not been her 7th husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 881

You deserved it 3 060

By BrianP - 07/07/2009 17:00 - Netherlands

Today, I came home to found all of my belongings out on the street. My roommate, who is also my brother, apparantly neglected to pay his part of the rent, and we got evicted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 446

You deserved it 4 027

By gumpy - 25/02/2011 20:37 - United States

Today, I lost a glove while snowboarding. I got off my board to find it, when a bunch of kids took the opportunity to kick my snowboard down the hill, while yelling "Run, Forrest, run!" as I frantically chased after it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 128

You deserved it 4 411

By TheTruthofWomen - 04/11/2013 05:45 - United States

Today, at work, I had to explain to my co-manager at work what a period was, after he refused to let an employee go change her tampon. Afterwards, he panicked, saying he thought women made that up so they didn't have to have sex, before trying to send her to the hospital and fainting. We're 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 047

You deserved it 4 648

By firstdate - 24/01/2010 19:32 - United States

Today, I was on my first date with my crush. When I saw her, I greeted her with, "Hey, sweetheart." She's convinced I said, "Hey, retard." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 173

You deserved it 5 292

By Order of the Dangling Testicles - 28/01/2014 20:28 - United States - Astoria

Today, I moved back into my dorm. My ex-girlfriend, and the guy she left me for, now cohabit next door. Now I get to hear them screwing while I try to do my homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 030

You deserved it 4 309

By "baow" - 17/03/2019 16:00 - Sweden

Today, I met this girl and we ended up having sex at her place. She decided to give me some head underneath the cover, it really was great until her Garfield sized cat decided to jump on her head and make her choke on it. Guess who got kicked out in the middle of the night for being too reckless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 082

You deserved it 316

By bennyp77 - 31/08/2010 05:15 - United States

Today, I was at a tennis match and it was really hot. I took off my shirt to cool down. A member of the staff then tapped me on the shoulder and told me that my "bare breasts might offend someone." I'm a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 931

You deserved it 15 670

By Noname - 03/02/2009 20:25 - United States

Today, my 4 year old niece asked me why I didn't have a job or wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 662

You deserved it 7 764

By life_isnt_fair - 09/03/2011 08:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me and dumped me. Thirty minutes later he called asking for me back. When I asked why, he said "The other girl dumped me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 546

You deserved it 4 541

By awkword - 31/12/2013 17:47 - United States - Mckeesport

Today, I was dressing in front of my boyfriend. He was looking at me in wonder and I assumed this was a good thing. Then he muttered, "God damn, you're awkwardly shaped." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 937

You deserved it 3 861

By reckless - 17/07/2010 19:34 - Canada

Today, my dad found my "list". 32 guys, 4 girls. Colour coded as to who I would sleep with again and who I wouldn't, who were virgins, etc. He complimented me on my "organizational skills." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 495

You deserved it 60 965

By Anonymous - 11/09/2012 13:32 - United States - Santa Ana

Today, I was sitting at a bus stop reading a book when out of the corner of my eye I spotted a middle-aged lady in a leopard-skin coat stumble up to me. She stopped, belched twice, and unleashed a torrent of red wine colored vomit onto my bag. It was 8:45 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 603

You deserved it 1 614

By stupidneighbor - 04/03/2009 17:03 - United States

Today, I slipped on the ice in front of my apartment, spraining my ankle and cracking a rib. While I laid on the ground immediately after, my neighbor chewed me out for saying "shit" in front of her 4-year-old on my way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 042

You deserved it 3 511

By rholt - 14/01/2014 06:48 - United States - Baldwin City

Today, as I was taking out the trash, I spotted my cute neighbor doing the same. In a rush to get out before he went back inside, I slipped on my iced-over porch. I passed out and woke up with a note on my chest saying, "I unlocked your door but you were too heavy to drag inside". FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 389

You deserved it 8 059

By Almostfunny - 16/03/2011 13:01 - United States

Today, I emailed my potential boss a copy of my résumé. However, I didn't realize until too late that it was my fake resume, created for an English class project. Some of my former jobs included being a certified gangster, as well as the former president of Canada. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 333

You deserved it 52 139

By jcheer113 - 17/05/2010 04:10 - United States

Today, while I was driving, I saw my driving instructor from high school walking on the sidewalk. As I waved to him, I rear-ended the car in front of me. Guess I really showed him how much I learned from him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 910

You deserved it 31 673

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Top comments

ZoroMiHawk 25

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Friday 13 March 2015 18:46

Can't you offer to train the chosen candidate for a number of weeks?

Steve95401 49

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Friday 13 March 2015 18:44

There's no reason you can't be promoted while continuing to do some aspects of your present job. The rest of your current workload could be split among other staff members until a new employee can be brought on board.

majesticprincess 19

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Friday 13 March 2015 18:44

Don't stop trying you never know. They might find someone remotely capable of what you're doing.

slingerslasher 24

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Friday 13 March 2015 19:09

Or you could threaten to leave and then they will have to pay you more.

shessohighh 10

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Friday 13 March 2015 19:49

I agree, #24. A lot of times bosses will try to keep you stagnant because they don't want to train someone else. But I'm sure they'd rather lose you to another position within the company (where they could still utilize your help when needed) than lose you altogether.

nityasomaiya 46

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Friday 13 March 2015 20:08

Probably OP could just bribe somebody for her Oh-So-Amazing job...

dragonkisses28 25

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Friday 13 March 2015 21:01

Sarcastic much? ^^ Its good to be indispensable, OP. I wouldn't threaten to quit unless I was positive that they wouldn't say, "Great! See ya later!" Sometimes that's what it takes though. If you're that good, they'll fight to keep you.

jake_braves 25

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Saturday 14 March 2015 7:13

Maybe try to get them to raise your salary a considerable amount.

Steve95401 49

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Friday 13 March 2015 18:44

vikky538 28

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Friday 13 March 2015 20:50

its not as easy as it sounds...

Wsparta 26

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Friday 13 March 2015 22:54

I agree with the sentiment but unfortunately I have found some managers do not want to lose an asset in one department or position without someone as good or better in the wings. It is quite unfortunate but the work world is often unfair. :(

xluciferx666 21

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Friday 13 March 2015 18:44

I agree with number one just keep working hard and it will pay off

alexcknott 8

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Friday 13 March 2015 18:44

Whoa i can be first comment ok time to shine um what should I say um um JET FUEL CANT MELT STEEL BEAMS God damnit

assassinbanana0 20

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Friday 13 March 2015 18:45

You failed. Miserably

extrasnipes 22

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Friday 13 March 2015 18:50

Times 4

alexcknott 8

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Friday 13 March 2015 18:52

Wow I suck apparently :(

Moklon 18

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Friday 13 March 2015 18:52

I visibly cringed at this comment.

megan_login 6

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Friday 13 March 2015 19:58

oh shut up commenters you're so melodramatic

JazzHandsFML 28

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Friday 13 March 2015 20:04

no I'm melon dramatic. GALLAGHER NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

meli1195 31

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Friday 13 March 2015 21:21

#4, this isn't ifunny, your comment has to actually be good to get upvotes

Fuaaad1994 31

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Friday 13 March 2015 18:45

Perfect excuse for ice cream though!

Fuaaad1994 31

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Friday 13 March 2015 18:48

Whoops wrong fml. Sorry.

ana_lee_bonde 17

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Friday 13 March 2015 19:18

#13 reported.

buckstop1 37

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Friday 13 March 2015 19:26

Or you could get reported for false reporting.

ZoroMiHawk 25

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Friday 13 March 2015 18:46

Can't you offer to train the chosen candidate for a number of weeks?

PrimeEvilTahir 24

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Friday 13 March 2015 23:17

Agreed. This happens more often than we can imagine. Either current employee is too good and can't get a replacement Or current employee is underpaid for the job they're doing and don't know about it (Replacement would cost more) Or people just don't want the job and it's hard to get replacement. In either case you have to convince your employer that you'll do the next job even better and you can train the new employee to do as good of a job as you. Remember. Businesses are evil. Most if not all of the time they only think of their benefit (no brainer). You can also find yourself a replacement and recommend it to HR. They will consider your recommendation.

toongler 23

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Friday 13 March 2015 18:46

if I were you I would just keep working harder and harder. maybe then you'll prove you can be moved up even higher, and with time I'm sure they could find somebody capable of doing your current job

Purexinsanity 46

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Friday 13 March 2015 18:46

Most new hires won't be able to do the job as good as the person they're replacing due to a lack of training. They get better with practice and time. With that kind of logic, they'll never find someone to replace you :(