Today, because I have a beach party tomorrow, I used a new gel...

By moncheri1314 - 10/9/2010 16:13 - France

Today, because I have a beach party tomorrow, I used a new gel that is supposed to prevent razor burn after shaving the bikini line. Turns out I'm highly allergic to the gel. Now I have hundreds of beautiful red bumps that look like razor burn. FML

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Health

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Assumptions

Mixed signals

By annoyed - 23/9/2010 09:59 - United States

Today, I went to my parents' place to visit. My ex-boyfriend's photo is on the fridge, but there aren't any photos of my husband or any of our wedding photos. FML

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By çapousse2904 - 12/9/2014 05:45 - France - Le Pr?-saint-gervais

Today, my girlfriend put her hand on my abs and confessed that she was glad I'd secretly started working out. I couldn't bring myself to admit that I've been constipated for three weeks. FML

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By cjkelly1 - 23/6/2010 23:27 - United States

Today, my parents made me a steak dinner to celebrate me visiting home from college. I've been a vegetarian for eleven years. This is the third time they've done this. FML

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By Andrea Trevor - 30/4/2018 01:30

Today, I woke up at 5am to my dog jumping off of my bed. No big deal. I rolled over to the other side of the bed to fall back asleep and my face landed right in a puddle of his pee. I tasted it. FML

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By Malakai - 2/2/2011 05:57 - United States

Today, while in my room sleeping, my little brother deemed it necessary to come in and drop a book on my face. When I sat up with a now bloody nose, he looked at me, pointed, and said "You've just been facebooked" and ran away giggling. FML

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By killmenow - 3/12/2015 05:33 - Canada - Halifax

Today, I burped in front of my crush. Well, not really in front of him. I turned around mid-burp and noticed him, not knowing anyone was there. The surprise made me scream a little, which only amplified the burp. So I made this mighty belch-turned-scream noise, while maintaining eye contact with him. FML

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By Señor Guapo - 4/3/2009 17:42 - United States

Today, I was in spanish class, having a debate about the death penalty. When I went to make a point, I meant to say "La pena de muerte", which means "The death penalty". I said, "La pene de muerte". Turns out that means, "The penis of death". FML

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By Anonymous - 2/10/2010 01:52 - United States

Today, my friends are going to see "The Social Network". They talked about it all through dinner, even though I was sitting right there and I hadn't been invited. When I asked about it, one of them said, "You wouldn't be interested", presumably because I don't use Facebook. He doesn't either. FML

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By cheersdaddy - 8/6/2011 14:51 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad was given 2 VIP tickets to see my favourite band in concert next week. You can now find them on eBay. FML

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By ivegotapackage - 5/1/2015 23:47 - United States - Greensboro

Today, I got a notice on my apartment door that I'd received a package when no one was home, and it was left at the backdoor. I don't have a backdoor. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/6/2016 23:37 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I came home to my wife packing a bag. We had been fighting recently and I understood why she was leaving, but then I noticed she wasn't packing her stuff. She explained that I was the one who was leaving, she was just packing my bag. FML

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By Lilragu97 - 26/7/2012 05:14 - United States - Exeter

Today, I walked into my upstairs bathroom to find my mom's new boyfriend eating soup, naked on the toilet. In shock, I stepped back and fell down a flight of stairs, backwards, and hit my head on wall, leaving a dent in it. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/6/2013 18:07 - Egypt - Cairo

Today, I woke up to a flooded basement. That basement is my bedroom, so I'm completely surrounded by water. All I need is a tiger and this would be like The Life of Pi. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/12/2016 14:55 - United States - Harbor City

Today, my 70-year-old boss asked me to order sexy lingerie she saw on the cover a magazine. FML

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By embaressed - 20/9/2010 02:13 - United States

Today, I came home to find my drunken father sitting on our front lawn. He had a blanket, lit candle, and was singing with his eyes closed. He told me he believed he was Buddha from watching the history channel. Meanwhile, cars were driving by our house beeping, and yelling "praise the lord!" FML

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By Anonymous - 19/6/2012 03:33 - United States

Today, I was getting dirty with my boyfriend. It was the first time he had fingered anyone, and the only thing he said was, "It feels like the inside of my asshole." FML

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By anonymous - 6/9/2010 07:37 - United States

Today, after going on a blind date with a man I had met on facebook, we decided to go back to his apartment. All was going good until he took off his pants, only to reveal that he was wearing a diaper. FML

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By Ugh - 22/8/2017 23:15

Today, I got a job offer and was asked to come in at 5am for training. I sat there for about 2 hours before giving up. I was at the wrong site. FML

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By drugged_on_arrival - 10/9/2009 10:55 - Virgin Islands British

Today, I woke up at my crazy ex-girlfriend's house, naked and disoriented. You know, the kind of crazy like we-didn't-break-up-it-was-just-a-fight-now-we-can-get-married crazy. She says everything's fine now and she's so glad we've "started our family." FML

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By pacificbeach - 2/3/2009 21:32 - United States

Today, my roommate and I finally got fed up with this increasingly, horrible stench that has been in our apartment for a few days now. Leaving it for our other roommates to handle, we selfishly left to get yogurtland. Moments later, we both expressed that we haven't seen our cat in a while. FML

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By anonymous - 6/7/2011 15:21 - United States

Today, my mother told me she wanted me to get an exorcism. Yes, she was serious. I'm Jewish. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2012 23:09 - Vietnam - Ho Chi Minh City

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend of a month has a new girlfriend. That girl is my cousin, the same one who's been listening to my tears fall as I've confided my feelings to her for the past few weeks. FML

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By jaimie - 19/3/2011 16:00 - United States

Today, we were going to Disney World all the way from North Carolina. After 12 hours of driving, my kids started fighting and complaining. My husband finally said, "If I hear you guys one more time we're turning around and going back home." They annoyed him once again, and we actually went home. FML

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By oops - 18/5/2009 04:17 - United States

Today, while I was waitressing, I bent down to pick up a menu and accidentally farted, really loud, at my table. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/8/2013 16:12 - United States - Modesto

Today, my boyfriend's freshly-repainted car got keyed. He's literally more of an inconsolable wreck now than he was when his own mother passed away last year. When I tried hinting that he was overreacting, he told me to go to hell. FML

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By hatelife - 14/6/2011 18:37 - United States

Today, I went to visit my boyfriend at work. That's where I met his pregnant girlfriend. FML

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By thebabysitter - 14/8/2009 07:34 - United States

Today, I just got done watching my cousin's two kids for four days while they were on vacation. I fed, clothed, and bathed them for four days of hell and got paid with a $5 shark tooth necklace from the Bahamas. FML

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By qwerki4 - 28/10/2015 19:29 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was coming home from work and saw an old couple overwhelmed by the number of people at the train station. It was peak hour and I decided to help them. As I went up to them, they said, "Get away, go mug someone else". FML

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By thissucks - 21/2/2011 22:20 - United States

Today, it's my mom's birthday. I woke up at midnight to be the first to tell her happy birthday. When I awoke in the morning, I decided to bake her a cake. Little did I know my whole family was going out to lunch to celebrate. I wasn't invited. FML

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By 99jellybean - 26/1/2016 03:02 - United States - Rochester

Today, a girl in my class threw a temper tantrum. Why? Because she wanted my seat. We're in high school. FML

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By plzdontclapme - 1/7/2012 23:03

Today, I tripped on the way back from collecting a prize in front of 600 students and their parents. I got more applause than I did when collecting the prize. FML

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By roomingwithevil - 9/5/2012 23:26 - United States - Slinger

Today, I found out who my randomly assigned roommate was. Out of 10,000+ people, I just happen to get assigned a girl who threatened to kill me. FML

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By awkward. - 29/12/2012 15:50 - United Kingdom - Rickmansworth

Today, my girlfriend and I went to the cinema. Or rather, she went with her other boyfriend, and I happened to see them there. FML

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By noraidk - 26/5/2010 18:35 - United States

Today, a few friends and I ran through sprinklers at our school until we were all soaked. Then we were told that they put fertilizer in the water. I'm soaked in manure. Now I know why it tasted weird. FML

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By wf - 14/9/2011 18:11 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me that if my penis was on any other body it would be considered small, but on me it's "cute." FML

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By jack - 28/5/2019 12:00

Today, I asked my new girlfriend if she was feeling alright, since she is on her period for the first time since we started dating. I got an empty cereal bowl thrown at my head. Question asked and answered. FML

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By LostInSunday - 15/8/2016 08:11

Today, I accidentally slapped myself in the face with my belt when I pulled it from my belt loops too quickly. FML

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By deathparty352 - 12/10/2019 04:00

Unpleasant, but clean

Today, I'd had enough of the excrement sticking in my butt hair. Now that I'm shaved, I feel my buttocks rubbing together. With every step. FML

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By WTF? - 12/8/2013 04:49 - United States - Mesa

Today, I asked my girlfriend if she had ever broken up with anyone. She said, "Yes. You." and walked off. FML

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By kernewek - 26/5/2011 21:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at work, nonchalantly spinning my keys around my finger when they flew off and hit a glass cabinet. Broken glass showered passing customers. I don't think I'll have a job to go to tomorrow. FML

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Top comments

By ANTLink19 | 4

#1384674 - Friday 10 September 2010 23:44

well... tell them it herpes... then no one will think it's razor burn.

By SoundnVasion | 0

#1384588 - Friday 10 September 2010 23:23

People are gonna think its herpes more than anything.

COMMENTS

By SoundnVasion | 0

#1384588 - Friday 10 September 2010 23:23

People are gonna think its herpes more than anything.

karlita22 | 0

#1384595 - Friday 10 September 2010 23:25

hahahaha fyl

iSitt | 0

#1384698 - Friday 10 September 2010 23:53

at least they don't resemble a herpes rash

SoundnVasion | 0

#1384775 - Saturday 11 September 2010 0:08

Whenever most people see any types of bumps anywhere they just say its herpes because most never really see one in person. People also like to talk a lot of crap.

MarkSeattle | 0

#1384788 - Saturday 11 September 2010 0:10

lol. I'm betting on not using a new razor and they are razor bumps.

morgan320 | 0

#1386523 - Saturday 11 September 2010 8:34

OP you said they were beutiful...

airpoft | 0

#1387171 - Saturday 11 September 2010 11:52

delicious, delicious irony

marlaineeeee | 0

#1387720 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:19

that's horrible OP. at least they make shorts to swim in to save you from too much embarrassment.

bsgirls | 0

#2113560 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 3:37

dumbass it's called sarcasm

shaubygal | 11

#2527589 - Wednesday 18 May 2011 7:04

it's this amazing thing called get in the shower and let the pores on your crotch open up and THEN shave and looky here no razor bumps/herpes-like bumps

By Galex7471 | 4

#1384605 - Friday 10 September 2010 23:27

I have the exact same reaction to any and all shaving gels. It's always fun trying to shave just after you've broken out in hives.

flighted | 1

#2500200 - Friday 13 May 2011 2:53

Boyshorts:)

By bart100125 | 0

#1384607 - Friday 10 September 2010 23:27

oh that sucks:O FYL OP :)

By iwadasn | 32

#1384633 - Friday 10 September 2010 23:34

YDI it for trying a new product the day before a party. You should always test it out first, and then test only a small area to make sure you don't react to it.