Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said, "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were having a casual conversation, when the topic suddenly became my penis. Before I knew what was going on, she said, "It's not the size that matters though. It's how you use it. So I guess you're ok." FML
Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML
Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML
Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never to use Durex condoms. He said, "They break a lot. That's the only reason you're around today, really." then chuckled to himself. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML
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Top comments
Wizardo 34
Maybe he was talking about ******?
JustJumped 22
He's just trying to make sure you don't get disappointed some day
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Comments (111)
mulumequitem 6
I learned it all from my best friend in kindergarten, crazy what he knows... And surprisingly he was right about everything...
ImAp0tat0 9
great advice. should of asked him how or &?
lininnes 6
I think the point is that OP's dad thought his daughter couldn't get a real penus so had to get advice on how to satisfy herself with a stick (?)
thegreycat_fml 12
One: he's right; Two: he's likely trying to keep you from being judgemental.
Poppipuff 14
At least it changes from comments that begin with 'at least' !
redmnky21 8
and an idiot
timakinz 21
And you lived to tell. Congrats!
mrsnugglefunny 10
You should of told your dad to keep telling himself that.....
1Dfangirl 21
How old are you?
PapaSmurffolks 7
Awkward!!!!!!!!!!