Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said, "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were having a casual conversation, when the topic suddenly became my penis. Before I knew what was going on, she said, "It's not the size that matters though. It's how you use it. So I guess you're ok." FML
Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML
Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML
Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never to use Durex condoms. He said, "They break a lot. That's the only reason you're around today, really." then chuckled to himself. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML
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Top comments
Wizardo 34
Maybe he was talking about ******?
JustJumped 22
He's just trying to make sure you don't get disappointed some day
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Comments (111)
ryanthecheeseguy 18
I think you need to give the talk to your dad....
Omniprism 15
He's letting you know that a guy with a smaller penis can still make you happy. To not always search out a big penis or look over a guy with a small penis. To give a guy a chance first instead of making a judgement right off the bat.
brandoneyez1 25
Um... How does ur dad know about how to use "the stick?"
sematariux 7
Cut Dad some slack OP, believe me. Raising girls can be a little confusing for us guys at times.
etishuman22 32
"Hey Dad, I think there's a problem...I don't have a stick.."
ManInTheMachine 20
25-Maybe you're wrong, and should have a little more faith in other people's intelligence. Although, I'll admit, it is hard.
NPN_Scorpio 16
In the words of Dan Savage... Women whose boyfriends have below average sized penises statistically report a higher level of sexual satisfaction than the ones with average or well hung dudes. That is because...the ones with small dicks have five hands! "Look, honey, I've got thumbs!"
awkward_gothlady 32
Maybe he was trying to make sure you wouldn't be prejudiced against men with "smaller sticks" in the future and just had a really awkward way of going about it. (But then, is there a non-awkward way of going about it? Which girl really wants to hear that from her dad?)
NPN_Scorpio 16
-Dad, I don't have a stick. -I know, but with what you've got you'll have the pick of all the sticks you want. Choose wisely.
uoeno_fml 20
Call me, maybe?