Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said, "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML
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Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were having a casual conversation, when the topic suddenly became my penis. Before I knew what was going on, she said, "It's not the size that matters though. It's how you use it. So I guess you're ok." FML
Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML
Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML
Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never to use Durex condoms. He said, "They break a lot. That's the only reason you're around today, really." then chuckled to himself. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML
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Top comments
Wizardo 34
Maybe he was talking about ******?
JustJumped 22
He's just trying to make sure you don't get disappointed some day
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Comments (111)
The_Nuke 31
sounds like he has some latent insecurities that he's trying to impose on you
Warmonger_Smurf 29
He's just giving you the advice not to pass up the little ones. I think.
AverageJoey 18
He probably meant how to please your boyfriend
Obey_StudBoii 23
Lol like Peter from Family Guy told Meg "the sexiest thing a woman can do is enjoy a man's fart". lmfao.
KinkyCurly 13
He has a point.
ameyer13 8
My father did almost the same thing
Zimmington 21
I didn't even get a sex talk.
Obey_StudBoii 23
Yeah neither did I. Although I was young I referred to it as the birds ands birds (cause I'm a Lesbian). Instead of the birds and the bee's.
150493x 29
I'm sure he was just trying to give you some good advice. Just because you're a girl doesn't mean that you shouldn't know a bit about the guys part too.
KinkyCurly 13
But coming from your dad.... Awkward
WellThatSucked89 13
It couldn't be less awkward coming from a mother either... I mean, "Sweetie, I've had small dicks and large dicks... it's not all about size..." is much worse for me. All that would do is make me assume my precious mommy was easy. No thanks.
doubleddun 9
Maybe no one will understand your reference to the fml above this one when they are just looking at it randomly.
indianswagg 14
If he says that while in the right state of mind, just imagine what tips he would give you if drunk !
IGaveRickUp 15
YDI for thinking you got to have a ****** to be a girl.
QQmore_fml 18
I don't want to live on this planet anymore.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
I will admit this comment made me chuckle. Even as stupid as it is, you got a laugh out of me.
perdix 31
He was just putting in a plug for small-penised men. The Teeny-Peenies tend to look out for one another.
RedPillSucks 33
The IBPC Itty Bitty Penis Committy