By me_jpg - United States

Not now!

Today, my upstairs neighbor woke me with her sex moans, reminding me how single I'll be on Valentine's. FML

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me_jpg tells us more :

Whoa this got published haha! Thank you guys, being single is not a bad thing to me, I very much enjoy it in some ways, not so much in others. Hearing someone be intimate with another makes me wish I had that though. Just a thought. Happy valentines!

Valentine's slay

Intimate moments

Intimacy

Messed up

Age difference

The runs

By Noname - United States

Today, my portfolio manager called me and said he had invested all of my retirement in Circuit City. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I drove 100 miles from my parents house to mine. I had only a few miles left when I realized I really had to pee. I didn't want to pull over somewhere when I was so close to home, so I sped up. A cop pulled me over a block from my house. I started to sob, and ended up peeing myself. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/7/2021 22:01 - Czech Republic - Prostejov

It's alright

Today, I dreamt of my mom. She came over to me, and said, "Hey, I'm alright, the doctors were wrong." My mom died 4 months ago due to Covid-19 complications, and waking up shouldn't be so painful. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while having sex, I thought I was having an orgasm for the first time. Turns out I was just hyperventilating. FML

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By Anonymous

Hot hot hot

Today, my AC stopped working and I have no money. I live in Phoenix, Arizona. FML

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By tanisLX - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went to the police station to find out if the tint on my new car's windshield was too dark. The officer took one look, told me that windshield tints are illegal in California, and ticketed me. So much for being honest. FML

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By idontknowwhatiamdoing - Canada - Toronto

Today, I handed in the answer sheet an hour into a 3-hour long exam because I couldn't answer most of the questions. Now, everyone thinks I'm genius because I "finished" quickly and they want me to tutor them. FML

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By needofmoney - United States

Today, I finally told my dad that he owes me over 400 dollars, and that I need it or else I'd get kicked out of my apartment. He only gave me 70 and said to get a better job. FML

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By unemployed - United States

Today, as I was bagging groceries, I looked down to see a 6-year-old urinating on my shoes and the floor next to me. I told his mother that he should take her kid to the restroom, only to be told to "mind my own goddamn business." I was later fired for arguing with the customer. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me why girls don't have armpit hair. FML

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By blackandblue - United States

Today, I was waiting for a friend to pick me up. It was after dark and I was nervous, so when he pulled up I immediately jumped in the car. The young girl in the driver's seat started freaking out, screaming and punching me in the face repeatedly. I'd accidentally gotten in the wrong car. FML

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By CrystalsDontWork - United States - El Paso

Today, my colleagues and I found out that our boss has been taking business advice from an astrologer as well as a soothsayer. FML

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36545

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By tammy999 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend bumped into me at McDonald's. I was sitting alone at a table with a big mac, two large fries, a large drink and 1 case of chicken nuggets. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was sitting on the couch, watching The Avengers with my 4-year-old daughter, who loves the Hulk. When Hulk finally showed up, she excitedly looked at me and screamed, "Hulk Smash" before slamming both of her fists into my balls. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Wellsville

Today, I waited on a gentleman and his lady friend at my restaurant. They ordered some of the most expensive items on the menu, and I thought I'd get a nice tip. Instead, he tipped me a scrap of paper, containing a drawing of a cock jizzing on a caricature of my face, and the word "Thanks." FML

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By RyanTheMan15 - United States

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house watching a home makeover show with her and her mom. The show's host had a giant portrait of himself on his wall and then I said, "I hate it when people do that, it's so stupid." Her mom stared at me and pointed to the portrait of my girlfriend on the wall. FML

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By whyyjustwhy - Estonia - Tallinn

Today, I copied some files to my phone while borrowing my grandfather's laptop. As I selectively deleted the files from the recycle bin, I noticed some pictures, and ended up seeing way more than I wanted to of his erect penis. FML

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By Journo - United States

Nice try

Today, after two months of unemployment, I got a call from a marketing firm offering me an interview for an entry-level position. While Googling the company, I discovered it's a scam. I graduated college in 3 years with a 3.5 GPA, and the only interview I can get is at a fake company. FML

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55024

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, seeing Ozzy Osbourne live for the first time, I was trying to get the perfect photo of the entire band on stage. That is, until a sudden burst of pyrotechnics startled me, and I gave myself a black eye from the camera hitting me in the face. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Chicago

Today, I was at a club and caught a cute guy's eye from across the bar. He smiled at me, got up and came over, then said "Oh shit! You looked way hotter from back there. Damn!" and walked away. FML

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By fml7458364838 - United States

Today, I was texting the girl I am in love with. I was dropping hints about liking someone who I didn't know if they liked me back. Flirting a little. And just when I thought she'd say she liked me too, she said "Don't worry, if you were straight, I would definitely date you!". FML

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By do you want a bag - Canada - Surrey

Today, after 3 weeks of my new job, I'm already having work-related dreams. I'm having troubles differentiating between the 8 hour shifts in real life and the 8 hour shifts in my dream. I'm doubly exhausted. FML

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By Chris - United States

Today, I was in the elevator with my female coworker and a very attractive teen in front of us. My coworker reached out and grabbed the boobs of the teen in front of us, and blamed it on me. I got yelled at, kneed in the crotch, and punched in the face. My coworker couldn't stop laughing. FML

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By noxiffic - Norway - Sandnes

Today, as I was walking home from work, I got chased halfway home by a wolf. Yes, a wolf. I live in central Norway. FML

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By FoxyManicLiar - France

Today, I got a bad cut on my dominant hand while at work. My boss decided to order me to juice lemons... all 300 of them. FML

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By lauren555 - United States

Today, after finishing a huge French essay, I realized my printer wasn't working. So, I emailed it to a guy in my class to print and then give to me. When I get to French, he said he had already turned his in early and never got my email. It turned out he used mine. I got an F on the essay. FML

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By bummed - United States - Cresson

Today, after years of waiting, I finally got to meet the band whose music got me through one of the hardest times I have ever experienced. When I turned down the lead singer for sex, they told me to leave. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Wakefield

You made them use coasters, Monica

Today, I was checking my friends' posts on Facebook and all of them were complaining what a boring night they had. They were all just at my house. FML

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By iliketurtles - United States

Today, I was pissing in a urinal and I had the urge to sneeze. Unable to hold it, I sneezed and hit my head on a metal beam supporting the urinal. In complete disarray, I had to step back from the urinal while pissing and managed to spray the floor, the wall, and the person next to me. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/4/2021 23:00

Not the one

Today, the guy who told me he “wasn’t looking for a relationship” started being in a relationship with another girl. I lost my virginity to him and went on a few dates with him. He’s actually confused as to why I’m upset about this. FML

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By owew

Today, I don't know anyone in the city where I just moved. I felt really lonely so I picked up my cat to try and cuddle with her. She freaked out and ripped my face apart. She ran then away to go play with the cats outside. Even my cat has more friends than me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's office for a minor cold, and left with a diagnosis of pregnancy. FML

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By NotDrunk - United States - San Diego

Today, I was at a family dinner, which had gone into meltdown after my aunt said something sarcastic about my mother's drinking. I went out for some fresh air and stumbled about in the dark, unaware of the fact that a pool was being dug. I fell into the huge hole and lost a shoe. FML

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21655

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By greaaaatt. - United States

Today, I found out that I get to spend the next two weeks at my grandparents house, which smells like cat litter, while the rest of my family takes a cruise through the Carribean. They can't afford to take a ninth person. FML

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41885

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By brokebihhhh - United States

Today, I decided to catch a flight to see my boyfriend, who is stationed in the army 300 miles away. When I was just 15 minutes from the base he called to say that we should break up. Now I'm heading back to California, single and broke. FML

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7859

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By GeriGeriBoBeri - United States

Today, I locked my keys in my car at a gas station. A man stopped to help me with a wire hanger. After about 20 min in the freezing weather, he was getting close to unlocking it when I looked over at the passenger door to see that it was unlocked. All the doors were unlocked but the driver's side. FML

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10162

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By PainStressLife - United States - Dublin

Today, I went to an over-crowded grocery store. As I reached the front of a long line, I noticed that a cart had been abandoned in everybody's way. Trying to be helpful, I moved it to the side. An enormous woman then shoved me and yelled at me for "pushing her property around." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I went to the phone store to get a new SIM card. The store manager went on my browser to see if my data was working. Two pages of porn popped up. FML

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1474

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By Anonymous

Learning curve

Today, my 3-year-old son put into practice the lesson I taught him yesterday, about how to use a larger piece of Play-Doh to pick up smaller bits. Unfortunately, he used this method to pick up a small bit of poo from his pants with a larger bit of poo direct from the toilet. I was an hour late for work. FML

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3959

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By jpmetz - United States

Today, my credit card got blocked. Apparently, my bank thinks buying a $130 flat iron online is suspicious. FML

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28721

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Top comments

By MisterEx | 28

#6536601 - Sunday 14 February 2016 12:33

Being in a relationship just for the sake of not being single is worse than being single.

Being alone is not bad. Being lonely is.

Both being single and in a relationship have their ups and downs.

Love yourself OP, love yourself and everyone will love you. Everyone.

Well except me. I am a hater.

By Sandsh8rk | 36

#6536588 - Sunday 14 February 2016 12:13

Being single on Valentine's day isn't the end of the world...

COMMENTS

By Sandsh8rk | 36

#6536588 - Sunday 14 February 2016 12:13

Being single on Valentine's day isn't the end of the world...

fakedsincerity | 32

#6536697 - Sunday 14 February 2016 16:25

The only good thing about Valentines is all the cheap chocolate the next day.
Yaaaay Feb 15th!

SpyroMello | 29

#6536912 - Sunday 14 February 2016 21:30

I feel like February 15th should be a national holiday to celebrate all the singles and cheap chocolate haha ^_^

By Mynamewontfi | 40

#6536589 - Sunday 14 February 2016 12:15

Valentine's day is just like any other day, really. But if it really bothers you to be single, go out there and find someone.

By urbanbigfoot | 20

#6536590 - Sunday 14 February 2016 12:16

Hey, don't worry OP. I will be spening the day alone as well... with a bottle of jack.

By dannidoll93 | 24

#6536596 - Sunday 14 February 2016 12:27

You never know OP, she could be starting the day with a bit of self-love and wishing she had someone to show her some appreciation. Go say hi! ;)

Tarlachia | 33

#6536610 - Sunday 14 February 2016 12:48

"Uh, hi. I heard you moaning. Can I help you get what you desire?"

"Go away creeper!"

That's pretty much how I see it going down.

chuka81 | 27

#6536654 - Sunday 14 February 2016 14:50

9, you obviously lack the imagination of a porn addict.

Tarlachia | 33

#6536663 - Sunday 14 February 2016 15:02

Trust me, I don't.

I also have a wife to fulfill that imagination. Lol

blazingshot147 | 19

#6536896 - Sunday 14 February 2016 21:08

If it was me, it'd probably end up like:

Me: Uhhh hi, I live downstairs and it seems you've been having a good time recently. May I ask how you do that?

Her: Do what?

Me: The thing.

Her: Thing?

Me: Sex. Like how do you have such good weekends? I mean Im just here staying in my house just living alone.

Her: Sex? I've been single for a while.

Me: Ah, sorry for the misunderstanding. Have a nice day... or night? Just have fun. *Awkwardly walks away*

By chuka81 | 27

#6536597 - Sunday 14 February 2016 12:28

Send yourself some flowers and chocolate.
Take yourself out to a fancy dinner at a nice restaurant.
Come home and masturbate.
Happy Valentine's.

8313girl | 28

#6536694 - Sunday 14 February 2016 16:16

That sounds like a beautiful idea. Too bad I gotta work today. Can't masturbate there lol.

By MisterEx | 28

#6536601 - Sunday 14 February 2016 12:33

vintageart1994 | 16

#6536891 - Sunday 14 February 2016 21:03

#win

By TheNewGuy03 | 28

#6536604 - Sunday 14 February 2016 12:36

Valentine's Day is bullshit anyhow, like most holidays.

If it's bothering you too much, put some headphones on and blare some music, or if you can't handle it, go have a wank.