By me_jpg - United States

Not now!

Today, my upstairs neighbor woke me with her sex moans, reminding me how single I'll be on Valentine's. FML

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me_jpg tells us more :

Whoa this got published haha! Thank you guys, being single is not a bad thing to me, I very much enjoy it in some ways, not so much in others. Hearing someone be intimate with another makes me wish I had that though. Just a thought. Happy valentines!

Valentine's slay

Intimate moments

Intimacy

Late term

Non-baby fever

Go anyway, see the sights

By beat10 - United States

Today, I was fired for "customer dissatisfaction." I work in IT and have never met one of my company's customers. FML

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By bri_sci94 - United States - Madison

Today, I went on a blind date that my friend set up. He greeted me with a winning smile, a belch, and the words, "Nice tits." I'm beginning to lose hope. FML

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By Thankshun - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me I was selfish for "choosing" to start my period on his day off from work. FML

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57286

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By Nicole - United States

Today, I went to school without makeup. No one recognized me. FML

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By took it - United States - Syracuse

Today, while playing a big basketball game, I had to run urgently to the bathroom because of a really hard diarrhea. I took the ball. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I used a fire extinguisher for the first time. Too bad it was on my car. FML

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By Misterhippo - United States

Today, my best friend thought it would be funny push me off my bike. He thought it was even funnier when the paramedic accidentally dropped me. FML

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By Ma_Nikka - United States - Olivehurst

Today, my boss called me in to have a serious talk. The "serious talk" was him asking me to notify him of my menstrual cycle ahead of time so he can "avoid that shit". FML

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By jobless - United States - Buffalo

Today, I heard back from a company that I recently interviewed with. They told me I didn't get the job because "it was obvious that I had been coached." I wasn't. Sorry that I actually researched the company unlike the rest of the nit-wit candidates. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/7/2020 23:04

I need some me time

Today, my fiancée decided to go on a 3-hour trip because she needed a break from the baby and me. I forgot to mention who she went with: her ex. FML

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By daydreamer - United States - Wilton

Today, I began to daydream about going on a diet and losing some weight. As I did so, I unknowingly reached for a giant bag of chips and ate the whole thing. Now, I have stopped daydreaming and am sitting alone and depressed. And I'm all out of chips. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Carencro

Today, my boyfriend "finally figured out" that he couldn't possibly be the father of my child, and publicly broke up with me. When I reminded him that I was already pregnant when we first met, he "extra" broke up with me for making him look stupid. FML

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By scully11 - Canada

Cue Shaggy

Today, my old neighbor pelted me with apples when I walked out the door. I ducked for cover and asked what her problem was. She yelled, "You took fresh peas from my garden!" I looked at her garden, only to see my dad tiptoeing back to our lawn, laughing and holding a bag full of peas. FML

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By Hana - Canada - York

Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend, and ended up sitting next to this girl who wouldn't stop sneezing. Grossed out, I asked my boyfriend if we could switch seats. After doing so, the girl immediately stopped sneezing and started flirting with him. FML

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By help me! - United Kingdom

Today, the girl my ex-boyfriend cheated on me with had a job interview at my place of work. If she gets the job, she'll be my manager. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Columbus

Today, I spent nearly an hour trying to take a decent photo for my dating site profile. Not 20 minutes after uploading it, I got a message saying "Srsly dude stop trying, u look like Rosie O'Donnell." FML

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By Dammit... - United States

Today, my mom told my dad to get me extra absorbent pads, very loudly, in a crowded mall. FML

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By cnamobi - United States

Today, a tornado watch has been instituted in my town. At this moment, I have violent diarrhea, and my toilet sits right in front of a window. FML

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By cakefete2 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was reviewing documents at work, only to find one of my coworkers has been signing off on paperwork, claiming he's been walking one of the residents daily. Aside from being a double leg amputee, the patient died two weeks ago. The state review board comes this week. FML

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By Girafarig - United States

Today, I was talking to my guy friend on the phone. He said, "You sound depressed, I should cheer you up and give you a big hug." Jokingly, I responded, "You wouldn't hug something as gross as me." His response? "You'd be surprised." FML

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By lolo - Israel - Ofaqim

Today, I downloaded a movie that I already own on DVD, because I was feeling too lazy to get up and fetch it from the living room. I think I've hit rock bottom. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/5/2020 23:00

British Broadcasting Corporation

Today, working from home due to the quarantine, things were going slow so I typed "Lola Fox BBC DP porn" into my team chat, thinking I was typing it into my browser. My supervisor took it down as soon as it happened, but people definitely saw. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I walked into the living room to find my boyfriend plucking his ball hairs with the same tweezers I use for my eyebrows. FML

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By GodDaughter - United States

Today, I was locked out of my house so I texted my cousin to come over and help me get in. She came over, stood on a chair and lifted me through the smallest unlocked window possible. Sadly, this was my bathroom window and I ended up head-first into my toilet. FML

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By Username - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, I caught my mother trying to switch my contraceptive pill for Tic Tacs. I don't know what's worse - how far she will go to have a grandchild, or that she thought I wouldn't notice that my birth control left me with minty fresh breath. FML

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By brainfart - 19/9/2020 10:01

Where is my mind?

Today, I was put on a medication for severe migraines. One of the side effects is difficulty concentrating and word recall. I was writing a paper and sat there trying to remember how to spell "isn't." This medication better work. FML

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By ZAS - United States

Today, my mom and I rented a hotel room. She decided to go to bed, while I watched MythBusters. Apparently, my mom got hot while she slept. She threw the covers off of herself and pulled up her night-gown. I turned to find out that my mother does not wear underwear when she sleeps. FML

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By shyshy96679 - United States

Today, I was using the restroom when a little girl tried to open my stall. It was locked, so she slid under the door and tried to have a conversation with me while I was pooping. FML

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By legit247 - United States - Moscow Mills

Today, working at a fast food restaurant, I was cleaning dishes in the back. I started to sing to myself. During the chorus I heard the echo of my voice in my ear. My boss had pushed the talk button on my headset so every staff member and everyone in the lobby could hear me over the intercom. FML

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47656

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By Jebus - Canada

Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML

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By Whoops - United States

Today, I discovered the guy that sits next to me in class is actually a girl. Not only is that bad, but we had to write a paper about each other. I used the words "him" and "he", and read it to the whole class. FML

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By Nox - United States

Today, my girlfriend accused me of not having any friends. So I sent out a mass text saying "Hey, what's up?" to prove her wrong. I didn't get any replies. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Smyrna

Today, I took my 4-year-old son to the bank with me. He asked why we were going, and I explained that I had a couple of checks that they would turn into money. When we got in line, he loudly exclaimed that "Mommy has checks for money!" Except "checks" sounded almost exactly like "sex". FML

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By jelrid - United States - Holt

Today, my worst fears were realized as an insect pinged off the back of my mouth while I was singing along to the radio on my motorcycle. FML

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By megs

Today, I was promoted. After going to school for 10 months to get certified for the new position, training extensively, and taking on a ton more responsibility, I was hoping for a decent raise. How much do my bosses think all of that time and effort is worth? One dollar more per hour than I made before. FML

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By nograd4mee - Germany

Today, I held a presentation about my masters thesis. Turns out, my professor never ever actually read the drafts I'd given him, but decided to rip me to pieces in front of everyone, saying that the topic isn't worth researching. I've been working on it for six months. FML

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By Badnewca - United States

Today, I drove home in my brand new car, hoping to surprise my girlfriend. She came out the house laughing, saying how funny it was, and how I look like a "twollop" in it. Then in all seriousness, she asked me when I was getting my "actual car" back from the garage. FML

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By KereKris

Today, I wrote a bad review for a pizza place after their pizza gave me food poisoning. Now, they won't stop calling me, begging me to take my review down in exchange for free pizza. I have tried to tell them that I wouldn't eat their pizza again even if I got paid to do so, but they won't listen. FML

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10485

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By kiken.bara - United States

Today, I found out that I was pregnant and sent a picture of the positive test to my boyfriend. Before I got a text back from him, I got his newly updated Facebook status that read "This has got to be the most depressing day of my life." FML

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By Optimist - Canada

Today, I found out I have an option on my phone to postpone the sending of my text messages. I thought it would be cute to send my boyfriend texts saying, " I love you and sweet dreams" every night at midnight for a month. He broke up with me and I can't figure out how to stop the texts. FML

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Top comments

By MisterEx | 28

#6536601 - Sunday 14 February 2016 12:33

Being in a relationship just for the sake of not being single is worse than being single.

Being alone is not bad. Being lonely is.

Both being single and in a relationship have their ups and downs.

Love yourself OP, love yourself and everyone will love you. Everyone.

Well except me. I am a hater.

By Sandsh8rk | 36

#6536588 - Sunday 14 February 2016 12:13

Being single on Valentine's day isn't the end of the world...

COMMENTS

By Sandsh8rk | 36

#6536588 - Sunday 14 February 2016 12:13

Being single on Valentine's day isn't the end of the world...

fakedsincerity | 32

#6536697 - Sunday 14 February 2016 16:25

The only good thing about Valentines is all the cheap chocolate the next day.
Yaaaay Feb 15th!

SpyroMello | 29

#6536912 - Sunday 14 February 2016 21:30

I feel like February 15th should be a national holiday to celebrate all the singles and cheap chocolate haha ^_^

By Mynamewontfi | 40

#6536589 - Sunday 14 February 2016 12:15

Valentine's day is just like any other day, really. But if it really bothers you to be single, go out there and find someone.

By urbanbigfoot | 20

#6536590 - Sunday 14 February 2016 12:16

Hey, don't worry OP. I will be spening the day alone as well... with a bottle of jack.

By dannidoll93 | 24

#6536596 - Sunday 14 February 2016 12:27

You never know OP, she could be starting the day with a bit of self-love and wishing she had someone to show her some appreciation. Go say hi! ;)

Tarlachia | 33

#6536610 - Sunday 14 February 2016 12:48

"Uh, hi. I heard you moaning. Can I help you get what you desire?"

"Go away creeper!"

That's pretty much how I see it going down.

chuka81 | 27

#6536654 - Sunday 14 February 2016 14:50

9, you obviously lack the imagination of a porn addict.

Tarlachia | 33

#6536663 - Sunday 14 February 2016 15:02

Trust me, I don't.

I also have a wife to fulfill that imagination. Lol

blazingshot147 | 19

#6536896 - Sunday 14 February 2016 21:08

If it was me, it'd probably end up like:

Me: Uhhh hi, I live downstairs and it seems you've been having a good time recently. May I ask how you do that?

Her: Do what?

Me: The thing.

Her: Thing?

Me: Sex. Like how do you have such good weekends? I mean Im just here staying in my house just living alone.

Her: Sex? I've been single for a while.

Me: Ah, sorry for the misunderstanding. Have a nice day... or night? Just have fun. *Awkwardly walks away*

By chuka81 | 27

#6536597 - Sunday 14 February 2016 12:28

Send yourself some flowers and chocolate.
Take yourself out to a fancy dinner at a nice restaurant.
Come home and masturbate.
Happy Valentine's.

8313girl | 28

#6536694 - Sunday 14 February 2016 16:16

That sounds like a beautiful idea. Too bad I gotta work today. Can't masturbate there lol.

By MisterEx | 28

#6536601 - Sunday 14 February 2016 12:33

vintageart1994 | 16

#6536891 - Sunday 14 February 2016 21:03

#win

By TheNewGuy03 | 28

#6536604 - Sunday 14 February 2016 12:36

Valentine's Day is bullshit anyhow, like most holidays.

If it's bothering you too much, put some headphones on and blare some music, or if you can't handle it, go have a wank.