Transportation: Today, I got a well paying job that requires me to drive around... - FML

By Anonymous - 04/11/2009 20:39 - United States

Today, I got a well paying job that requires me to drive around and present a product to potential customers. After going out for a victory meal with friends, I came home to find my car broken into, and my GPS stolen. I need it for the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 257

You deserved it 4 357

This Charming Man

Walk the line

Triage

By LonelyHeart - 22/10/2009 12:09 - United States

Today, I surprised my boyfriend at work, only to notice that his neck was covered in hickies. The night before, he texted me saying he needed alone time to get his mind together. Looks like he got together with another mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 640

You deserved it 3 320

By Loser - 08/06/2018 01:30

Today, at school, I offered my friend $5 to climb up a tree and jumped off. I was already having a hard day and just wanted a bit of a laugh. What I didn't expect was to end up in the hospital with a broken arm because my friend jumped on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 568

You deserved it 4 274

By coolcucumber - 10/09/2010 20:40 - United States

Today, my dad squirted water at me. Fortunately, I blocked it. Unfortunately, I blocked it with my new $200 camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 064

You deserved it 24 357

By anonymous - 01/12/2010 08:30 - United States

Today, my cute coworker begged me to cover his shift tomorrow, and told me that he wanted to take me to dinner to make up for it. I was very excited because I've been crushing on him for a long time. I later overheard him tell his friend that he didn't plan on showing up for our dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 707

You deserved it 3 715

By LilShawty2000 - 24/02/2009 05:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to chill with my best guy friend and his girlfriend, whom I recently met after I moved to the area. After a few beers, my buddy leaned over and tried to make out with me. I quickly backed up and shockingly looked over at his girlfriend to expect the same reaction. She winked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 649

You deserved it 7 863

By Anonymous - 17/12/2018 13:30

Today, I have a busy week scheduled at work, so I took my file home to smash out some reports. Naturally I did not do any work at home and then I also forgot to take the file back to work the next day. Instead of saving time, I wasted an hour driving home to collect it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 065

You deserved it 2 062

By Anonymous - 06/01/2015 16:40 - Vietnam - Ho Chi Minh City

Today, at a candlelit dinner, I accidentally set my dad's leg on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 556

You deserved it 4 683

By shouldhavestayedinbed - 01/07/2016 10:45 - United Kingdom

Today, my doorbell rang while I was still in bed. I leapt out and immediately got a severe cramp in one leg, then, staggering around trying to throw some clothes on, I scraped the other leg badly enough to draw blood. When I got to the door there was nobody there, just a parcel on the doorstep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 214

You deserved it 1 998

By khaelian - 10/11/2010 17:22 - United States

Today, my girlfriend fell down the stairs and broke her ankle. She also had a bruise on her leg due to her friend biting her. I spent the night in the hospital to be there for her and support her, but I should have expected that the nurses would treat me like a criminal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 350

You deserved it 2 757

By oldlady - 08/11/2009 00:38 - United States

Today, after a trip to my doctor I found out that my recent mood swings and hot flashes are the result of a hormonal imbalance that mimics the effects of menopause. I'm a 17 year old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 067

You deserved it 2 448

SORRY!

By imsorry - 14/01/2015 23:57 - United States - Oakland

Spicy

Today, I found out how whipped I am when, at the climax of sex, I moaned, "I'm sorry!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 089

You deserved it 7 765

By thatchick3333 - 08/03/2012 07:13 - United States

Today, I got burned, all because the toaster scared me while I was holding a pot of boiling water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 429

You deserved it 6 903

By Anonymous - 18/10/2012 06:33 - Canada - Toronto

Today, at work my boss called me into his office because he had received multiple complaints from coworkers about a prank sound machine I have been using to make inappropriate fart sounds at my desk. I wish it was a fart machine; I have a condition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 634

You deserved it 2 463

By CashChamp20 - 17/08/2011 06:19 - United States

Today, my girlfriend got a necklace from one of her guy friends. She loves it. It's a heart shaped necklace. She doesn't see a problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 045

You deserved it 6 883

Going well, isn't it

By theproblemboblem - 29/04/2021 14:00

Spicy

Today, after weeks of begging my boyfriend of almost two years to have sex with me, he told me to find someone else to fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 294

You deserved it 240

By Anonymous - 08/11/2010 01:05 - United States

Today, my Halloween costume finally showed up in the mail. Their consolation for a late delivery? A 50 cent discount. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 004

You deserved it 2 794

By Anonymous - 29/04/2014 18:46 - United States - Swartz Creek

Spicy

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend, and I cheekily told him about something I'd read that's supposed to feel really good during sex. I then heard his sister sarcastically say, "Yeah, that does feel pretty good". Apparently he'd had me on speaker the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 566

You deserved it 9 032

Confess!

By hitandrun - 10/08/2009 18:28 - United States

Today, I hit a parked car and fled because I was so scared. Four hours later, the cops showed up at my house so I broke down crying confessing everything. Turns out, they weren't there about the car I hit. They were alerting me about the string of burglaries in my neighborhood recently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 147

You deserved it 75 355

He did not care

By Nachos4lifs - 08/11/2019 01:00

Spicy

Today, after years of pretty much no sex from my long term partner, I admitted I was having dreams about sex with other people. I hoped to get a reaction from him. However, he didn't react at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 150

You deserved it 360

Bullshit reason #874

By Anonymous - 03/11/2020 19:57 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because, she says, I have diabetes and she can’t handle the complications that may occur in the future. This after I arranged for her to take trip to Italy to ride horses, which has been on her bucket list for like 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 119

You deserved it 114

First impressions

By wiseoldone - 03/02/2009 01:10 - United States

Today, I'm going to an event where I will be meeting quite a few people who will be excellent contacts in my future career. Since I wanted to make a good impression, I did the whole makeup and grooming thing before setting out. I accidentally removed about half my left eyebrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 006

You deserved it 8 179

By Wow - 11/04/2013 12:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 194

You deserved it 19 276

Valid reason

By stephhh055 - 21/10/2019 16:00 - United States - Portland

Spicy

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend for the first time, he told me he wanted to break up. He told me my orgasm face wasn't something he could put up with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 331

You deserved it 237

By Anonymous - 25/10/2011 01:29 - United States

Today, I proudly presented my research project in class that I've worked for day and night for 3 weeks straight. My teacher fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 436

You deserved it 3 522

Creeped out

By boardman - 25/05/2009 02:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out my parents joined the mile-high club. While I was on the plane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 306

You deserved it 4 946

By Anonymous - 10/03/2010 20:53 - United States

Today, I started biting my nails, before I realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands after taking a massive dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 416

You deserved it 61 358

By Nik - 20/02/2010 15:05 - United States

Today, I found out that my mother was having an affair with my boss "to help me keep my job" because she thought I was useless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 569

You deserved it 2 640

By Jack - 03/04/2013 21:40

Today, my washing machine broke down, within its warranty. I asked my neighbour if she could open the door for the mechanic while I was at work; she agreed. When I came home, I had a bill for 80 bucks for not opening the door. Her reason? She was busy watching her favorite TV show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 501

You deserved it 5 114

By monsterinlaw - 23/08/2011 14:51 - United States

Today, my obnoxious mother-in-law berated me in front of my husband's family for still working while pregnant. She says I'm harming the baby by not quitting. I'm only 4 months pregnant and I work as a nurse at a hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 136

You deserved it 2 626

Next, on The Jerry Springer Show…

By DearLord - 03/04/2020 23:00 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I had to explain to my boss that masturbating in public is inappropriate. This isn't the first time this has taken place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 900

You deserved it 157

By Anonymous - 18/02/2011 21:18 - United States

Today, I had to get into my house via the dog flap because my mom changed the locks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 063

You deserved it 4 477

By brittholzworth - 27/06/2019 20:00

Today, I found some cookies on my bed and got so excited that I kneed myself in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 125

You deserved it 701

By leelee50 - 10/02/2009 01:41 - United States

Spicy

Today, my on-and-off boyfriend of 8 years asked me to cheer him up. I told him that I'm in love with him. He said "Oh, I just wanted a blowjob." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 084

You deserved it 9 549

By Joe - 04/08/2011 18:28 - United States

Today, I asked a guy if he could buy me a pack of cigarettes, since I'm still under 18. He took my money, went into the supermarket, and must have slipped out a side-entrance, because he never came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 783

You deserved it 125 869

By parkinglotslayer - 11/06/2009 02:28 - United States

Today, my family and I were parking downtown when my sister yelled to watch out for a man approaching our car. I see him pull something from his pocket. I yell "It's a knife, don't roll down the window!" It was a pen, he was the parking attendant and the window was already rolled down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 990

You deserved it 47 646

By birthday girl - 27/10/2012 00:14 - Australia

Today, it was my birthday. My mom didn't buy me a present, throw a party, or acknowledge the event in any way. Last week it was our dog's birthday, which included a party for all the neighbourhood dogs, and a cake for our dog, made out of bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 096

You deserved it 2 144

By onehundredpercenteffed - 14/08/2009 01:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, my wife thought it would be fun to bring in one of her girlfriends for a threesome. Because of the friend, I now know what my wife sounds like when she's having a REAL orgasm. Five years and two kids into our marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 130

You deserved it 20 598

By golfstar11 - 11/12/2012 02:05 - United States - Savannah

Today, I was doing a presentation in front of my boss. On the last slide, someone had put a picture of a man's cock. I later found out it was my boss who did it. It was his "good reason" to fire me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 992

You deserved it 2 165

By vaylosa - 22/02/2015 20:36

Today, I decided to go all-natural and go to work without any makeup on. My boss swore I was on drugs, which I guess had absolutely nothing to do with the completely "random" drug test I had to take later in the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 480

You deserved it 3 590

True crime

By Anonymous - 24/08/2021 06:01

Today, I realized why I had more than a little obsession with a show, in particularly one character, when I was transferring files to my new phone and saw a drawing my ex had sent me. She went missing, with zero leads, over 18 months ago and I can't stop clinging to either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 76

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Thursday 5 November 2009 1:36

Maybe now you can buy a new one to go with your new well-paying job.

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Thursday 5 November 2009 1:48

If it's vector or selling knives, your gps isnt your only problem

Comments

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Thursday 5 November 2009 1:35

Thats what you get for being a door to door salesman and for leaving your GPS in your car. Smart.

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Thursday 5 November 2009 4:21

you NEED one? what do you think people did before they were commonplace? and that was BEFORE google maps and everything...

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Thursday 5 November 2009 4:50

Agreed. You don't NEED a GPS. If nothing else, you can just mapquest your path for the day until learning your way around the city.

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Thursday 5 November 2009 17:36

It's a lot easier just to use a gps. Mapquest is hardly reliable, and kind of dangerous if you have to keep looking down at a piece of paper instead of focusing on the road. If you have a gps to talk to you, you can keep your eyes on where you're going, plus if you make a wrong turn it'll recalculate the route automatically.

andyn 0

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Thursday 5 November 2009 23:45

Use a fucking map you retard.

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Saturday 25 December 2010 6:35

ya um mapquest is fucked. use google maps

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Thursday 5 November 2009 1:36

but you should of took it down and hid it =/ but that does suck

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Thursday 5 November 2009 1:36

Maybe now you can buy a new one to go with your new well-paying job.

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Thursday 5 November 2009 1:36

Buy a new one?

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Thursday 5 November 2009 4:43

if it's a well paying job they should be able to replace it.

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Thursday 5 November 2009 1:38

door to door salesman i see, it isnt Kirby by chance it it?

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Thursday 5 November 2009 1:44

wow that sucks... well your getting paid now, buy a cheap inexpensive one off ebay

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Thursday 5 November 2009 1:48

If it's vector or selling knives, your gps isnt your only problem

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Thursday 5 November 2009 3:07

You took the words right out of my mouth. Well, fingers, technically. Either way, OP, I honestly hope it wasn't Vector.

ManBehindTheMan 0

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Thursday 5 November 2009 4:14

Honestly, it might be a good thing if he lost the GPS...he'll end up losing the job and won't have to work for Vector. This may be a blessing in disguise, OP.

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Thursday 5 November 2009 16:51

I want to punch the OP in the stomach for thinking that commission based sales = "a well paying job" You're a pimple on society.

perdix 29

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Thursday 5 November 2009 1:51

You need a map, you spoiled, little bitch! Do you think the world didn't operate until GPS came along? Learn to navigate, asswipe.

GDI 0

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Thursday 5 November 2009 4:11

Although I wouldn't have put it so.... bluntly - amen bro. You act like GPS is God or somethin. I hope you're not one of those people who thinks "Hey, my GPS is telling me to make a right on these railroad tracks. I GUESS I SHOULD!!!" In which case, I would say - you absolutely deserve it. Spend 5 minutes typing the address into Google Maps, and problem solved....

Jotne 0

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Thursday 5 November 2009 4:27

Hail perdix, god of delicious truth! They have this wonderful, analogue GPS system these days, called maps. Brilliant things, they operate without power, they're mobile and they follow standardized systems - no instruction manual to tackle, no software bugs, very easy to use. Sounds wonderful, right? Check it out!

lol_urlife_sucks 0

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Thursday 5 November 2009 2:01

Since you're job is well paying, you shouldn't have a hard time buying a new one? Until then, suck it up... this is hardly even an FML.

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 17:57

Bitch plz, Your job*

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Thursday 5 November 2009 2:02

Ever seen Bicycle Thieves? You probably should.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 811

You deserved it 109

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 203

You deserved it 291