Today, I got a one-inch fish bone stuck in my throat. I went to the doctor, who claimed he couldn't see the long white thing embedded next to my tonsil. He charged me $70, and told me to eat some bread. I had to pull it out myself with a pair of tweezers. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, we had a fish fry for Father's Day. I ended up getting a fish bone lodged in my tonsil, and I had to rush to the bathroom to pull it out. I threw up three times in the process and still didn't manage to get the bone out. FML
Today, I spent hours trying to get a piece of food out of my two front teeth. I didn't have anything I could use, until I went out to dinner and got a toothpick. I finally got the food out of teeth. The toothpick broke. Now the tip of the toothpick is stuck in my teeth. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's for the third time in a week for a huge growth under my jaw. I have seen an urgent care doctor, an emergency room doctor and an ear, nose and throat specialist who all gave me different diagnoses. I've so far spent $300. FML
Today, I went through the nightmare of having to go to my doctor so he could remove a living spider from my nasal cavity. FML
Today, I went to the doctor for the constant pain I have when eating savory or sour foods. It turns out I have a stone in my saliva gland, and no joke, the only thing I can do to fix it is eat savory or sour food to make me drool enough to force it out. FML
Today, I went out to lunch on my break. When I got back to work, I noticed I had something in my teeth. After trying to get it out with my tongue, I finally went to my car for some floss. I ended up pulling a 4 inch pube out of my back teeth. It certainly wasn't mine. FML
Today, and for the past 2 weeks, I've had a massive pain in my throat. It went down for a while with antibiotics, but when it came back I had to go to the hospital for an emergency surgery. There was a 3 cm abscess growing in my throat. Happy birthday to me! FML
Today, after having my tonsils removed, I coughed so hard in my sleep that I woke up spitting blood. Turned out I'd ripped my throat. They had to put me to sleep and cauterize the damaged area. Now I'm in even worse pain than before. FML
Today, and for over week, one of my nostrils has been stuffed to the point I can't breathe through it. I tried nasal spray and blowing it out, but nothing worked. I wanted to go to the doctor but first, I used a flashlight and a pair of tweezers. The giant, crusted booger bullet I pulled out was as long as my palm. FML
Today, I cut my finger open with a spoon. After waiting for 4 hours in the emergency room, the doctor told me I was missing too much flesh to qualify for stitches. He then called 2 other doctors in to examine it. Apparently they had a contest for patient with most ridiculous injury. I won. FML
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Top comments
SkoomaKi 28
Good on you for taking matters in your hands and succeeding!
BradTheBrony 19
Huh? That's like missing a unicorn in a room full of potatoes!
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Comments (158)
ingernh 4
You should get another doctor... And 70$ ? Damn, I'm happy health care is free in my country..
rattusrattus 19
Same, oh goodness, same.
Zomg_Okay 27
Technically, it isn't. You pay for it through taxes.
geeksaresexy 18
Unless you're on benefits... Then everyone else pays for your healthcare through taxes :p
iamyourgod 3
Well most countries actually tax the rich and corporations. so really everyone may be paying a portion for healthcare, but the portion is proportional to how much money they make.
alfred07 18
Sort of, on the one hand tax money does pay for it, on the other hand you get access to medical treatment even if you don't pay taxes.
GODert 8
Unless you live in Greece you barely pay taxes and get benefits.
rattusrattus 19
Well, National Health Services are generally cheaper to run due to less beaurocracy (I have no bloody idea how to spell that word, and spellcheck never helps) and the taxes go towards a wider range of benefits than private health insurance - and it doesn't have the restrictions on things like pre-existing conditions and whatnot.
DrDilllonReese 12
Indeed, your tuition taught you how to spell!
petraphotoDOTca 6
and...it sucks. so, lose-lose situation...,for both countries
greeneyedpothead 10
I wish my healthcare was free. I don't even have any! I have to pay every time I go :-(
docscientist 10
We pay for healthcare anyway as it is right now when the government reimburses hospitals for taking care of uninsured without the ability to pay for when they come in with an emergency. It's not an optimal situation. It's sad we're pretty much the only industrialized nation without a true national healthcare system.
OkitaCockroach 19
Oh how I love being Canadian...
wave7891 0
Me too!
Nothingson1864 0
Greece is in economic shambles right now...
rattusrattus 19
You should have just taken it out in the first place, then shared this tale at family dinners for the rest of eternity. That's what my grandfather did.
idontknowyou123 0
The fish got it's revenge on you for eating it's cousins
LSS_fml 18
Eat some bread? What's that supposed to do? Well done for being so brave!
goldfishgod 20
Help in ******** it out so it doesn't puncture anything.
derkster 6
Bread?
linkinpark98 24
No, a sack of rainbows.
Fruitmonster2 15
Patrick? Wait wut.?
MigraineurOfLife 15
I suggest you send the fish bone as payment in full to the quack of a doc!
gracehi 33
I would have refused to pay him and gone to another doctor.
MigraineurOfLife 15
Eat bread - great advice! (NOT) That way when it gets lodged on the fish bone in your throat, you will choke to death!
shaggan 6
I no a dumb ass that got his retainer stuck in his throat he ask me for weed he thoght I'd show simpathy. **** that sry about your fishy bone dude at least you can now say you've Bine boned dogg. Lm mother Fao
thats_my_job 11
You might be high if...
kandi_kid69 15
What?
twistedlovex 0
Dude you're so ******* high right now.
DocBastard 40
I apologise for the tardiness, but I just got my Idiot-English Translation Engine back from being repaired. It couldn't handle all the idiot stoners in the recent FMLs. Anyway, without further ado: *click* *bzz* *whirrr* *DING* "I know a dumbass who got his retainer stuck in his throat. He asked me for marijuana since he thought I'd show sympathy. **** that! Sorry about your fish bone, dude. At least now you can say you've been boned! I'm laughing my motherfucking ass off because I'm so goddamned stoned! And also because I'm...mmmm...Cheetos..." You're welcome.
perdix 31
If he pulled it out, it would have cost much more. He saved you a fortune by letting it be a DIY project. Btw, a one-inch white bone is not "long," it's way below average.
deviable 9
It feels a lot longer when it's lodged in your throat.
ryanebk 7
That's what she said
ttttttyyy 0
Damn!
maosquare 18
That's what she said.