Today, I found shit on my windshield. I'm not sure if it is human or animal, but it was conveniently smeared all over and even more was placed under my wipers just in case I used them to clean it up. This isn't the first time, and I have no idea who I could have pissed off. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was driving along when the car in front of me ran over an animal. I only realised this when a chunk of flesh and blood landed on my windscreen. I put my wipers on to get rid of it but instead it got stuck underneath the wipers and smeared all over the screen. FML
Today, I opened my front door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML
Today, I discovered that I had left my sunroof open all night during a storm and my front seats was soaked. I grabbed a towel for my seat but didn't close my sunroof because it was nice out. As I pull out of my driveway, I felt something wet hit my forehead. A bird shit on me through my sunroof. FML
Today, I spent an hour and a half washing my car. As I was driving down the highway, a large bird flew over my car and accidentally dropped the dead animal he was about to have for dinner. It landed on my windshield. FML
Today, I found a dead bird on my windshield. Thinking I was clever, I turned on my windshield wipers to get the bird off. Unfortunately, the dead bird fell through my open window and onto my lap. FML
Today, someone did a hit and run on my car hard enough to knock it onto the curb from its parking spot, destroying the bumper. They didn't leave any info behind. After taking care of police reports and such, I got home and took off my shoes just to step in a puddle of my roommate's horrible cat's diarrhea. FML
Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML
Today, in my tidy, small-town neighborhood, I parked my car 50 metres further back from my usual spot just across from our house on a half-empty public street, because it was taken. Apparently, someone didn't appreciate this. So much so, they put a used condom under my windshield wiper. FML
Today, a bird took a dump on my truck as I was driving and the wind pushed it into the keyhole. FML
Today, I took my car into a car wash. I guess it was a bad idea to do it with my dog in the car, because he freaked out, started scrambling around, and ended up pissing on everything, me included. FML
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Top comments
bombroot 9
Well Set a trap! Next time they try to shit on your windshield they get scared
Enslaved 38
My guess is-- it's from your dog you don't pick up after. Pissed off neighbours might be making a point.
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Comments (87)
Saajawea 3
Man that's horrible what kind of person does that?
brendejafulable 41
shit happens.
bubba30 7
Probably a crazy Ex ...
JoshArson 22
Same thing happened to my neighbors car. You should've heard the conversation with the local police. Now that was some funny shit
carnage45567 10
That's shitty
avapaige1234 19
Well time for a car makeover. Some idiot prolly thought your car was a toilet.
DarkStorm2Bad 14
You wrote "could have" instead of "could of"; whoever you've pissed off, it isn't me :-)
mr_jack_meoff 5
I like to think of that kind of stuff as a badge of honor, think about it, , someone took the time to gather or produce shit and ferry it to your car. That's a strong emotional attachment. The only downside is what they may do next.
ItsThisGirl 17
its obviously a person, leave a camera hidden on your dash, then press charges for harassment, vandalism, and anything else u see fit :3
ChuckNorris2 4
Record your car overnight, see who the hell is doing it, give recordings to cops.