Today, I found shit on my windshield. I'm not sure if it is human or animal, but it was conveniently smeared all over and even more was placed under my wipers just in case I used them to clean it up. This isn't the first time, and I have no idea who I could have pissed off. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was driving along when the car in front of me ran over an animal. I only realised this when a chunk of flesh and blood landed on my windscreen. I put my wipers on to get rid of it but instead it got stuck underneath the wipers and smeared all over the screen. FML
Today, I opened my front door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML
Today, I discovered that I had left my sunroof open all night during a storm and my front seats was soaked. I grabbed a towel for my seat but didn't close my sunroof because it was nice out. As I pull out of my driveway, I felt something wet hit my forehead. A bird shit on me through my sunroof. FML
Today, I spent an hour and a half washing my car. As I was driving down the highway, a large bird flew over my car and accidentally dropped the dead animal he was about to have for dinner. It landed on my windshield. FML
Today, I found a dead bird on my windshield. Thinking I was clever, I turned on my windshield wipers to get the bird off. Unfortunately, the dead bird fell through my open window and onto my lap. FML
Today, someone did a hit and run on my car hard enough to knock it onto the curb from its parking spot, destroying the bumper. They didn't leave any info behind. After taking care of police reports and such, I got home and took off my shoes just to step in a puddle of my roommate's horrible cat's diarrhea. FML
Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML
Today, in my tidy, small-town neighborhood, I parked my car 50 metres further back from my usual spot just across from our house on a half-empty public street, because it was taken. Apparently, someone didn't appreciate this. So much so, they put a used condom under my windshield wiper. FML
Today, a bird took a dump on my truck as I was driving and the wind pushed it into the keyhole. FML
Today, I took my car into a car wash. I guess it was a bad idea to do it with my dog in the car, because he freaked out, started scrambling around, and ended up pissing on everything, me included. FML
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Top comments
bombroot 9
Well Set a trap! Next time they try to shit on your windshield they get scared
Enslaved 38
My guess is-- it's from your dog you don't pick up after. Pissed off neighbours might be making a point.
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Comments (87)
michaelm1290 23
Is anyone else wondering how you actually do clean it up??
philbelfrage 13
I imagine OP just drives his car into a river, commits insurance fraud, and then buys a new car. Maybe OP's insurance rep has been pooping on the windshield because he knows what OP is doing and can't prove it. That still doesn't explain the first time, but I feel as if this is the most logical answer.
babeababe 16
Spray it off as much as you can with a hose and then go to a car wash. If that didn't work, scrape it off with an ice scraper.
ksks1234 33
45--I thought about a hose as well. If they live in an apartment complex and do not have a hose, locate the nearest car wash and drive with their head out their window. But, for some reason, the ice scraper thing completely grossed me out. Hopefully, the prankster did not put it up under the door handle too.
roxxyfoxxy3 25
-43 Maybe OP did it before, after a bird did so. Or maybe the birds are getting back at OP for whatever he did. Unless its human.or another animal.
Sabriiyah_Witter 5
That gross FYL OP
mnvikes 7
What a "crappy" car, eh?
JessicaZado 11
That's some pretty nasty shit
chanellgymnast 17
Dane Cook once mentioned that the "bird crap" on your car could be from people who had sex while skydiving. Good times.
ozpunker 20
This supports my theory... Dane Cook has never said anything worth listening to.
munchy22 5
Dane Cook is full of it.
allie2590 31
Dane Cook is an idiot.
ozpunker 20
Disgusting but brilliant prank.
illegalbeagle69 23
Brilliant? Sounds like something a four year old would do. Or someone that's drunk.
Horsempeg 25
Uhmm.. How do you get it off??
linyah 11
why would you piss off the shitter ghost?! Out of all the ghost to piss off they are the worse! Besides that, maybe get a dash cam and see who is doing it. If human, huzzah police can get involved! If animal..not sure..maybe shot gun?
spaboolly 26
For some reason your comment made me think of the Toilet Hand from the Legend of Zelda series. Which just made it all the more disturbing.
linyah 11
o3o toilet hand? Man..i must find out what that is!
csi_fml 19
Happens all the time to me I feel your pain brother
zandalee 20
Maybe you guys both live in the same crappy neighborhood...;)
olpally 33
Peter griffin on the episode of family guy called "PTV" ***** off a bridge and hits Lois while she is driving! Epic! Lol. Take it to the car wash.