Miscellaneous: Today, I found shit on my windshield. I'm not sure if it is human...

By windshitwipers - 30/05/2013 09:41 - United States - Denver

Today, I found shit on my windshield. I'm not sure if it is human or animal, but it was conveniently smeared all over and even more was placed under my wipers just in case I used them to clean it up. This isn't the first time, and I have no idea who I could have pissed off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 216

You deserved it 4 401

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Same thing different taste

By Username - 13/05/2011 08:13

Today, I was driving along when the car in front of me ran over an animal. I only realised this when a chunk of flesh and blood landed on my windscreen. I put my wipers on to get rid of it but instead it got stuck underneath the wipers and smeared all over the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 848

You deserved it 6 719

Spooked

By fucking mafia or what?? - 12/01/2013 22:02 - United States - Marysville

Today, I opened my front door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 000

You deserved it 3 453

By oops1234 - 16/04/2009 14:38 - United States

Today, I discovered that I had left my sunroof open all night during a storm and my front seats was soaked. I grabbed a towel for my seat but didn't close my sunroof because it was nice out. As I pull out of my driveway, I felt something wet hit my forehead. A bird shit on me through my sunroof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 501

You deserved it 17 447

By andrea99 - 03/10/2010 09:35 - United States

Today, I spent an hour and a half washing my car. As I was driving down the highway, a large bird flew over my car and accidentally dropped the dead animal he was about to have for dinner. It landed on my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 657

You deserved it 3 415

Clever

By FMLTIMESTWO - 10/06/2009 04:36 - United States

Today, I found a dead bird on my windshield. Thinking I was clever, I turned on my windshield wipers to get the bird off. Unfortunately, the dead bird fell through my open window and onto my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 554

You deserved it 61 959

By birdbath - 08/11/2009 07:26 - United States

Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 888

You deserved it 3 632

By Anonymous - 12/08/2019 04:01

Today, in my tidy, small-town neighborhood, I parked my car 50 metres further back from my usual spot just across from our house on a half-empty public street, because it was taken. Apparently, someone didn't appreciate this. So much so, they put a used condom under my windshield wiper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 503

You deserved it 123

By tristaph - 01/08/2018 00:00

Today, a bird took a dump on my truck as I was driving and the wind pushed it into the keyhole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 368

You deserved it 182

By hold your horses pony boy - 18/04/2014 18:24 - United States

Today, I took my car into a car wash. I guess it was a bad idea to do it with my dog in the car, because he freaked out, started scrambling around, and ended up pissing on everything, me included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 209

You deserved it 13 719

Nature is healing

By kat, ACT - 20/12/2009 14:37 - United States

Today, while driving, we pulled up at a set of traffic lights next to a huge truck with live animals inside. Curious as to exactly what animal, I wound down my window to see if I could hear them, just in time for the truck to take off and cow shit to fly in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 479

You deserved it 11 664

bombroot 9

Thursday 30 May 2013 16:52

Well Set a trap! Next time they try to shit on your windshield they get scared

Enslaved 36

Thursday 30 May 2013 16:57

My guess is-- it's from your dog you don't pick up after. Pissed off neighbours might be making a point.

Comments

michaelm1290 23

Thursday 30 May 2013 17:06

Is anyone else wondering how you actually do clean it up??

philbelfrage 13

Thursday 30 May 2013 18:56

I imagine OP just drives his car into a river, commits insurance fraud, and then buys a new car. Maybe OP's insurance rep has been pooping on the windshield because he knows what OP is doing and can't prove it. That still doesn't explain the first time, but I feel as if this is the most logical answer.

babeababe 16

Thursday 30 May 2013 19:20

Spray it off as much as you can with a hose and then go to a car wash. If that didn't work, scrape it off with an ice scraper.

ksks1234 33

Thursday 30 May 2013 21:29

45--I thought about a hose as well. If they live in an apartment complex and do not have a hose, locate the nearest car wash and drive with their head out their window. But, for some reason, the ice scraper thing completely grossed me out. Hopefully, the prankster did not put it up under the door handle too.

roxxyfoxxy3 25

Thursday 30 May 2013 23:17

-43 Maybe OP did it before, after a bird did so. Or maybe the birds are getting back at OP for whatever he did. Unless its human.or another animal.

Sabriiyah_Witter 5

Thursday 30 May 2013 17:07

That gross FYL OP

mnvikes 7

Thursday 30 May 2013 17:08

What a "crappy" car, eh?

JessicaZado 11

Thursday 30 May 2013 17:09

That's some pretty nasty shit

chanellgymnast 17

Thursday 30 May 2013 17:11

Dane Cook once mentioned that the "bird crap" on your car could be from people who had sex while skydiving. Good times.

ozpunker 20

Thursday 30 May 2013 17:15

This supports my theory... Dane Cook has never said anything worth listening to.

munchy22 5

Thursday 30 May 2013 18:22

Dane Cook is full of it.

allie2590 31

Friday 31 May 2013 7:43

Dane Cook is an idiot.

ozpunker 20

Thursday 30 May 2013 17:14

Disgusting but brilliant prank.

illegalbeagle69 23

Thursday 30 May 2013 18:27

Brilliant? Sounds like something a four year old would do. Or someone that's drunk.

Horsempeg 25

Thursday 30 May 2013 17:18

Uhmm.. How do you get it off??

linyah 11

Thursday 30 May 2013 17:23

why would you piss off the shitter ghost?! Out of all the ghost to piss off they are the worse! Besides that, maybe get a dash cam and see who is doing it. If human, huzzah police can get involved! If animal..not sure..maybe shot gun?