Today, I found out that when you chase a couple of squirrels off your porch for irritating your dogs, sometimes they chase you back. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dog was barking at a squirrel in the yard. I opened the door to let him chase the squirrel. I went to look at the dead squirrel and found out it was the neighbor's chihuahua. FML
Today, I found out that when you hit the neighbor's dog with your car, they might chase you a mile with a shotgun. FML
Today, I was walking down a path in the woods behind my house when I saw a squirrel. It ran away, but little did I know it wasn't running from me, it was running from the dog that had forced Animal Control to sweep the area. I ended up with stitches in my leg. FML
Today, I found my cat downstairs with a squirrel dangling from his mouth. When I saw this, I yelled at my cat to put it down. He did. Turns out the squirrel was still alive and run. I had to spend the next three hours chasing it out of my house. FML
Today, I was chased out of my own house by my wife's lover's dog. FML
Today, after coming home from school, I found that two birds had made a nest above the porch light. This wouldn't be a problem if they stopped attacking me every time I get within 5 feet of them. FML
Today, I swerved out of the way to avoid hitting a squirrel, and in the process hit another squirrel. FML
Today, I tried to pet what I thought was a cute cat under my porch. As it turned out, it was actually a raccoon. It hissed at me, and I screamed so loud that my neighbors came running. FML
Today, I tried to take a selfie with a squirrel and it bit me. FML
Today, when I stepped outside, I found out my neighbors forgot to leash their mean-ass dog when he promptly started charging at me. If not for the black cat who lives outside my house, who I've fed before, jumping in and somehow single-handedly whooping his ass, I'd probably be dead. You don't fuck with stray cats. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
mister_moops 0
lol. did they bite?
netbeui435 3
scary.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (101)
Subjectzero 0
ydi for being a Pansy.
arachne 0
Hey, Texas squirrels are aggressive! They will chase you and they have little claws. Maybe they won't cause lasting bodily damage, but it is scary when one comes after you. I am surprised the dogs didn't chase them away though. A note about Texan language: people from different areas of Texas speak differently. Some really do have a strong accent and use word like "reckon," "ain't," and "y'all," while others (particularly from more urban areas) don't. Another commenter said they knew well-educated Texans who pronounced words differently than in other areas of the country. Not sure if that was an insult, but if so: if they are well-educated, why does it matter? People from different regions grow up with different pronunciations, accents, and word choices. It doesn't mean someone is less intelligent. Also, since English lacks a way to distinguish between the singular and plural "you," "y'all" nicely fills a linguistic gap :)
plexico 4
When I mentioned the linguistic differences, I wasn't being insulting. I like all those phrases I pointed out and use them. I totally agree about y'all, except when someone uses it to refer to a single person. That's disconcerting. I wasn't born in Texas, but I got here as fast as I could! That's a bumper sticker, and my resume! ;)
arachne 0
Excellent!
mopho 0
Y'all is used as the singular by some Texans, actually. Plural would be all y'all. :P
plexico 4
I just remember the first time a Texan asked me, "How y'all doing?" looking around to see who else he was talking to.
DameGreyWulf 1
Haha, friend of mine was randomly assaulted by a squirrel. Funny shit. Everyone, it's a leeeeettle difficult to combat a squirrel. Buggers move like you wouldn't believe. It usually is just best to bail, unless you have a gun or something. But why were you chasing them because they were bothering your dog? You mean they were literally pestering/biting him, or was the dog just barking at them?
alwaysalady 0
I totally know this guy, big burly dude, who is absolutely drop dead terrified of squirrels. Like scream like a girl scared, cuz a giant ass squirrel chased him once.
Buzzetta 0
You have angry squirrels that probably have rabies and are now going to be territorial and stop at nothing until you are gone.
aireun 0
wow what a pussy squirrels are really easy to kill. and if they have rabies, they're even easier to kill, cause they lack their sense of self preservation. so i find it pretty sad that you ran from a few rodents that are hardly the size of the average woman's foot
FMLROCKSMASOCKS 0
ARE YOU THAT ******* STUPID?
blinddate 0
Lol! Fyl, but that so made me laugh.
nazrew 0
get your dogs to attack the squirlls thats wat i would do
soccerchick02 3
ahahahahhaha, i rofl'd xDD fyl, indeed. [squirrels are extremely evil]