Intimacy: Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend....

By Anonymous - 09/01/2011 01:11 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 370

You deserved it 4 162

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Same thing different taste

By stanDman - 19/01/2009 18:05 - Canada

Today, I was jerking off when my cat jumped out of nowhere and dug his claws into my shaft. Attempting to knock him away resulted in three nasty gashes… that I now have to explain to my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 430

You deserved it 10 468

By good husband - 30/04/2013 16:03 - Canada

Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 844

You deserved it 4 613

By Anonymous - 11/08/2018 01:30

Today, I didn't see the cat in the bathroom before I took my pants down, and the beast tore open my ballsack. The doctor says I might lose my left testicle, depending on how the surgery goes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 843

You deserved it 351

Poor little guy

By anonymous - 16/09/2022 02:30 - United States - Maryville

Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 335

You deserved it 116

How could you?

By Anonymous - 15/02/2023 07:00 - Estonia

Today, despite me not liking cats, which my wife knew, she got a cat anyway. Her cat went for a walk outside and was hit by a car. I rushed outside to help the cat but found she was already dead, and the culprit had driven away. When my wife found out that her cat was dead, she thought I'd killed her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 189

You deserved it 139

By Anonymous - 04/09/2017 20:00

Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 130

You deserved it 474

How dare you

By pissed off - 01/07/2012 01:00

Today, my husband staggered home after a night of drinking. He was too intoxicated to find the toilet so he started to pee in the cat's litter box. Apparently, he was invading her territory and she attacked him. His scream as she bit and scratched him must have woken the whole world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 497

You deserved it 2 601

By iliku - 01/06/2019 02:00

Today, I was having a romantic evening with my new boyfriend, until we walked into my bedroom and discovered that my cat had ripped apart my pads and had spread them all over the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 494

You deserved it 218

CLAWS

By Attacksloth32 - 09/07/2021 01:59

Today, my cat was sleeping on me while I was laying in bed. I had to use the washroom, so I pushed him off. Except he used my testicles as a way to latch on to me, through my underwear. Let's just say, after having to change the sheets due to blood, I'm considering wearing a jockstrap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 224

Doggy dog world

By FidoForever - 20/06/2017 22:00

Today, my wife and I had to rush our dog to the vet for a $700 emergency surgery. The x-ray showed that he had eaten a vibrating cock ring. I've never bought or owned one, so now I've got to deal with the vet bill and lawyer's fees for my soon-to-be ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 933

You deserved it 623

Murn 0

Sunday 9 January 2011 9:17

That cat is a hero.

frenchmanfresh_fml 5

Sunday 9 January 2011 9:15

Genius cat !

Comments

jtaylor991 6

Sunday 9 January 2011 10:24

why do u need to kill the cat? WTF?

willielikesmonke 0

Sunday 9 January 2011 10:25

sue him for traumatizing the cat! he's petrified I tell you! he'll never be the same city again!

CodyClews 0

Sunday 9 January 2011 10:25

EPIC SUNGLASSES OF BADASSERY.

tomahto 0

Sunday 9 January 2011 10:32

um, I'm pretty sure you don't have to kill your cat over that. pay for the bills, maybe. you can probably get out of that in court too, though since you can argue that the victim was trespassing on your property and committing adultery. but I'm almost positive you don't have to kill your cat.

dezeradenzenooit 2

Sunday 9 January 2011 10:33

Get a good lawyer. And fight for the life of the cat!

GodofCarnage 10

Sunday 9 January 2011 10:33

Let your wife pay, she's the one who brought him in our house. Otherwise, it was our property, is his fault.

princesszeebunny 0

Sunday 9 January 2011 10:34

Because animals that are considered dangerous have to be put to sleep.

NINnerd999 0

Sunday 9 January 2011 10:36

I live in TX, too, and I seriously don't think you have to put your cat down. There aren't the same kind of laws on cats as there are on dogs. And if he fights you in court, you would probably win, to be honest. But to correct others - the "other man" wasn't trespassing because the wife let him in the house.

perdix 29

Sunday 9 January 2011 10:56

In Texas, we have a long tradition of considering a wife's pussy as being her husband's property, and any other man who sticks his dick there is trespassing. That law was only repealed relatively recently, but the sentiment is still around.

Izzati 0

Sunday 9 January 2011 10:36

That cat was awesome!! Don't kill him!!! That bastard deserved it!

LeedsFML 0

Sunday 9 January 2011 10:37

Someone has already said it, but, I agree.... GET A GOOD SOLICITOR! That prick had no business being in your house (or your wife). Let the solicitor take the adultery case, also...