Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was jerking off when my cat jumped out of nowhere and dug his claws into my shaft. Attempting to knock him away resulted in three nasty gashes… that I now have to explain to my wife. FML
Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML
Today, I didn't see the cat in the bathroom before I took my pants down, and the beast tore open my ballsack. The doctor says I might lose my left testicle, depending on how the surgery goes. FML
Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML
Today, despite me not liking cats, which my wife knew, she got a cat anyway. Her cat went for a walk outside and was hit by a car. I rushed outside to help the cat but found she was already dead, and the culprit had driven away. When my wife found out that her cat was dead, she thought I'd killed her. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML
Today, my husband staggered home after a night of drinking. He was too intoxicated to find the toilet so he started to pee in the cat's litter box. Apparently, he was invading her territory and she attacked him. His scream as she bit and scratched him must have woken the whole world. FML
Today, I was having a romantic evening with my new boyfriend, until we walked into my bedroom and discovered that my cat had ripped apart my pads and had spread them all over the place. FML
Today, my cat was sleeping on me while I was laying in bed. I had to use the washroom, so I pushed him off. Except he used my testicles as a way to latch on to me, through my underwear. Let's just say, after having to change the sheets due to blood, I'm considering wearing a jockstrap. FML
Today, my wife and I had to rush our dog to the vet for a $700 emergency surgery. The x-ray showed that he had eaten a vibrating cock ring. I've never bought or owned one, so now I've got to deal with the vet bill and lawyer's fees for my soon-to-be ex-wife. FML
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Top comments
Murn 0
That cat is a hero.
frenchmanfresh_fml 5
Genius cat !
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Comments (522)
dragonaair 5
Oh, you're poor cat! That's heartbreaking. Surely you can save it?
humhum6 0
your* Wow, I feel like I'm asking for too much.
ohthebloodygore 16
Your funny for attempting to correct idiots.
Sparkadelic 4
**you're
ohthebloodygore 16
39, yes I know. It was done on purpose.
Bubblerider 3
not on actcident. (see 12's post)
willielikesmonke 0
I'm tellin you all he traumatized the cat! sue him! give that magnificent kitty a life of luxury! at the b*tches expense of course! no pun intended... get it? b*tch and he has a cat? hahaha I make myself laugh....
dragonaair 5
I do apologise for my spelling error. I'm sure you were all able to read it.
NGH97 0
the person in the left in your picture is a dude, right?
sassypants93 17
81- A bitch is a female dog, not cat.
roadspill 1
your not you're
sxm 13
poor guy, you shouldn't have to pay for it.
FYLDeep 26
He got what he deserved. Cheaters need to have their balls ripped open from time to time.
SimplyInhuman 0
In Flames we trust. IN FLAMES FTW
FYLDeep 26
Haha. You're probably only like the 3rd person to get it.
SimplyInhuman 0
Awesome! You inspired me to put The Mirror's Truth guy as my picture.
FYLDeep 26
I think the Jesterhead represents their old material better though. Which is probably when they where at their best.
FYLDeep 26
were*
rogerover 19
Your pussy nailed the Asshole's balls. too bad that's the only loyal pussy in the house!
willielikesmonke 0
amen
LdyJstc 8
22-I love your play on words!
smilingbkob 0
that is sad when that is the only loyal pussy
unidentified_sta 5
That. Was. Awesome. "Sew his balls back" So much win... So much ownage... Need to sit down now even though I am seated already...
saveyourcoat 0
PLEASE SAVE YOUR CAT!!!!!!!!!! It would be extremely easy to hide him, and then get a 'new' cat.
Your_Cute 0
your poor cat!!!!! that's so horrible :( fyl indeed op
crz23 0
hope you can figure out a way to save the kitty. kitty is a hero.
sweets3062 0
Kill the friend, definitely keep the cat. That is one awesome cat!!!
Emrysa 1
Hide the cat at a friend's if you can. Ditch the bitch. Pay your friend, make sure you smile when you do. Say worth every penny and walk away.
poorjudgement 26
totally agreed on all that