Today, my best friend on Snapchat is my mum. FML - FML

By xCZ75x - 13/6/2017 13:00 - United Kingdom - Potters Bar

Today, my best friend on Snapchat is my mum. FML

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Instadrama

Sewer monster

The student becomes the master

By annoying - 10/1/2012 01:30 - United States

Today, I bought a key finder that responds to loud, high-pitched, annoying tones. It beeps every time I talk. FML

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By who_could_it_be - 6/8/2009 13:35 - Canada

Today, while I was walking downtown a homeless person asked me for a dollar. I thought it would be funny to wave the dollar in his face and taunt him. I guess he thought it would be funny to stab me in the leg with a pencil. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/6/2019 14:00

Today, my ex said I had a lot in common with his new girlfriend. His new, grossly overweight, college drop-out, clinically depressed, constantly pot-smoking girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/5/2010 16:29 - United Kingdom

Today, if it wasn't already embarrassing enough to tell my boyfriend I was on my period, I had to explain what a period is in the first place, how it works, and why it means nothing can happen during that time of the month. He's twenty. FML

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By egghead - 23/9/2011 08:31 - United Kingdom

Today, I was introducing my American cousin to the peaceful English village I live in. Just as I was reassuring her that the people were very friendly and welcoming, a car drove past and pelted us with eggs. FML

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By scarlet - 9/5/2011 15:02 - Canada

Today, on the bus, a large smelly man was sat next to me, pushing me against the divider and sliding into me on every turn. When he got up for his stop, his pants had loosened and his bare ass was staring me in the face. FML

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By Paco4242 - 13/6/2009 01:47 - United States

Today, I found out that my 'girlfriend', who I've been emailing with, was really my friend playing a prank on me. He asked me for naked pictures of myself and I sent them to him. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/5/2013 16:37 - Australia - Lane Cove

Today, I was walking down the stairs with my guitar in hand, singing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to my wife. I sang, "I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall". Before I could say "asleep", I fell down the stairs. My wife almost pissed her pants laughing. My bum hurts. FML

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By ApparentlyEmo - 18/2/2010 06:06 - United States

Today, my mom called asking for advice on how to flirt with her personal trainer. I thought she was joking and asked her what Dad would think. Turns out they're getting divorced. They decided this three weeks ago. No one told me. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/1/2016 12:30 - United States - Redding

Today, 9 years on, my dad still hates my husband for "ruining" my life by getting me pregnant in my late 20s. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/10/2010 15:06 - United States

Today, while at my friend's house, I decided to climb up on a shelf and pounce on him when he came back downstairs. When I heard someone coming, I assumed it was him and pounced. It was his grandma carrying the laundry. FML

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By wtf bro?! - 7/5/2019 12:00

Today, I got a Facebook message from a guy from my old school. I didn’t remember him, but I replied anyway. When I checked my phone after work, I had 73 new messages that went from, “How have you been?” to, “Fuck you ugly cockteasing whore,” and ended with, “You better hope I don’t catch you!” FML

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By anonymas - 29/1/2010 15:29 - Norway

Today, I found out my dad bought an iPhone. I've spent the better part of the last six months teaching him how to check his email and online newspapers. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/5/2009 04:18 - United States

Today, I was running on a track above a basketball court. I noticed several cute guys playing a pick-up game, so I tried to run my hardest. Not paying attention, I didn't hear when they warned me about the ball flying towards me. It hit me in the head, I then ran into a wall and face-planted. FML

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By Pisspants - 17/9/2016 04:39 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was at work and I needed to pee. In my haste, I forgot to lock the door. A coworker walked in on me and I bolted up mid-stream to slam the door back shut. I had pee down my leg and pee squishing in my shoes for the rest of the day. I can still remember his tone of voice, yelling, "Sorry"! FML

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By Anonymous - 21/8/2016 09:21 - Ukraine - Kiev

Today, my friends told me they have been able to see all my BDSM likes in their Facebook feeds. My family and coworkers also follow me. FML

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By Less - 7/3/2011 19:39 - Reserved

Today, I decided to improve my posture by sitting through all of my classes with my shoulders and back completely straight. Pretty soon I couldn't move my shoulders at all. I had to go to the chiropractor. It turns out that in trying to improve my posture, I misaligned my spine instead. FML

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By pregz - 25/4/2013 00:18 - United States - Vancouver

Today, while grocery shopping, I was having such terrible abdominal pains I could hardly walk. As I'm 8 months pregnant, I told my husband we should head home. He thought a better idea was to run through the store and hide from me, hoping to induce labor by making me chase him. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/12/2015 01:07 - United States - Bend

Today, on my first ski run down a mountain, I dislocated my patella. Now I get to watch out of the window as my family builds a snowman and names it after me. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/10/2012 10:15 - Australia

Today, for the second time, I met the man I'm having an arranged marriage with in 3 months. I'd previously met him last night, while he was mugging me. FML

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By Evaki1 - 13/6/2011 14:24 - Greece

Today, I had to explain to my little brother that my tampons weren't ear plugs. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/11/2019 18:00

No feeling - Just conversation

Today, I was touching myself under the sheets at 2:00 a.m. when my very drunk dad walked into the room. I was afraid to move my hand for fear of getting caught red-handed, so I had a 30 minute conversation with him with my fingers still inside me. FML

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By baddad - 23/9/2013 04:44 - United States

Today, I started shaking my son's Little Bill doll in frustration, as the batteries weren't working. My nosy neighbor saw through the window and called the cops. They wouldn't believe me and now the whole neighborhood thinks I'm a child abuser. FML

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By StayedHome89 - 20/12/2009 06:25 - United States

Today, I ran into some friends from high school who had just gotten back from college. We were talking about what happened during our sophomore year. When it was my turn to tell them what I had been doing, all I could say was "Well, I started wearing V-Neck t-shirts and they're pretty comfortable." FML

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By Familyskank - 6/5/2009 16:57 - United States

Today, my family was preparing a turkey for my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked what it was for. My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together. My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe you should get one for your daughter." FML

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By Anonymous - 15/7/2009 15:57 - United States

Today, I went to see a movie. After getting my seat, I went out to get food. Coming back, I saw the security guard. Thinking he would ask me for my ticket, I moved all the food to one hand to get the ticket in my pocket. I spilled it all. He didn't ask to see it. FML

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By JackOLantern - 13/7/2009 20:16 - Satellite Provider

Today, I proposed to a girl I'd been in love with for 6 years. I filled the balcony of the building where I'd first laid eyes on her with innumerable roses and, under the starlit sky, I did it. She later posted on facebook 'OMG. This geek I knew from high school did the FUNNIEST thing today'. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/7/2012 14:10 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I asked my husband if he knew what day it was. His answer was, "garbage day?" It's our six-year anniversary. FML

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By anonymous - 3/6/2020 14:06

Stinky mom

Today, my mom once again cried that I never come to visit her. I’ve tried, but her house is just unbearable. It’s always no less than 80°F inside, and she also refuses to clean up. She just burns multiple candles and air fresheners all day to mask the smell. She refuses any cleaning help I offer. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/4/2009 15:22 - United States

Today, it was easter and I thought it might be fun to look for eggs with my little brother. My parents told me to take the ones in the higher places that my brother couldn't reach. All of his eggs were filled with candy or money. Each one of mine had a note saying 'maybe when you lose weight'. FML

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By MrsGrinch - 7/12/2018 14:00

Today, I’d finally saved up enough to buy flights home for Christmas. After putting in the info several times, it wouldn’t work, so my husband decided to try and “help.” Not only did he buy flights to the wrong place, but now I have to wait another 5-7 days to be refunded. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/4/2016 09:14 - United States - Redlands

Today, the CEO of my company wanted to meet with me. I was excited until I found out she just wanted to bitch me out and personally fire me. Later on, I found out my boss had totally shafted me and blamed the failure of a big project on me instead of admitting it was all his fault. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/4/2009 00:05 - Canada

Today, I was walking into my living room when I slipped over the carpet, bashed my head on my glass table, and was moaning in pain on the floor. My parents came running when they heard my head bang... straight to the table to see if there were any scratches on it. FML

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By woundedexwife - 16/1/2010 01:22 - United States

Today, I realized why my husband had been seemingly wanting to improve our relationship by sending little texts throughout the day for the last couple of months, asking what I was doing. It was so he could find out when would be the best time to have his girlfriend over and cheat on me. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/10/2011 15:52 - United States

Today, I was bitched out by my 17 year old son's teacher. It seems the idiot teacher made the kids advocate for his own political beliefs in a presentation, and my son ended his speech saying, "And it remains my opinion that our instructor is cramping my motherfucking style." Instant suspension. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/1/2011 17:35 - United States

Today, my fiancé ended our engagement, saying he wanted to have "one last quickie" for the road. He saw nothing wrong with that. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/6/2012 01:06 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I saw my girlfriend walking hand-in-hand down the street with another man. When I confronted her, she claimed she had no idea who I was, and the guy told me to beat it. Later on, she returned to our apartment and actually tried to act as if nothing had happened. FML

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By "AdorableDoxie" - 17/12/2018 22:00

Today, I fell asleep in the school bus on the way back home when my loud fart woke me and a few other kids up. I am a teacher. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/4/2020 20:00

Good job!

Today, my husband fell asleep in the middle of a blowjob. I feel kind of insulted. FML

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By Greg - 16/12/2018 13:30

Today, I arrived to apply for my much-needed dream job. Without warning, just as the elevator opened, a complete stranger kicked me square in the nads. FML

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Top comments

By tibtak01 | 8

#7469763 - Tuesday 13 June 2017 15:32

I believe that's actually pretty cool. You're lucky to have a friendship-like relationship with your parent

By mermaidgirle | 12

#7469798 - Tuesday 13 June 2017 16:03

Your mom is absolutely the best friend in life you can have most of the time. Nurture that, and appreciate it.

COMMENTS

By dudebmxer | 12

#7469741 - Tuesday 13 June 2017 15:03

I'll be your friend

By tibtak01 | 8

#7469763 - Tuesday 13 June 2017 15:32

I believe that's actually pretty cool. You're lucky to have a friendship-like relationship with your parent

By mermaidgirle | 12

#7469798 - Tuesday 13 June 2017 16:03

Your mom is absolutely the best friend in life you can have most of the time. Nurture that, and appreciate it.

By Gaz_2_0 | 10

#7469834 - Tuesday 13 June 2017 17:36

Is its any consolation, my mom has me on Snapchat but refuses to snap me. She just added me to make it look like she has more friends.

By Cali | 54

#7469872 - Tuesday 13 June 2017 18:38

I've actually met some pretty cool people through fml. Put yourself out there and make a few friends!

By Xynie | 20

#7469936 - Tuesday 13 June 2017 21:29

Whats wrong with that?? Be happy you have a parent relationship, some arent that lucky.

By goodread2200 | 10

#7470137 - Wednesday 14 June 2017 12:19

Aww that's awesome you are close with your mother.

By sweetbliss3 | 37

#7470448 - Thursday 15 June 2017 4:17

I didn't choose either option bc I think that's great. my mom's my best friend and I don't care what anyone thinks about that. so be glad you have a best friend and call it a day!