Miscellaneous: Today, I met my new neighbors. The first thing they did was build... - FML

By welcome to the neighborhood - 28/04/2016 23:35 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, I met my new neighbors. The first thing they did was build a fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 563

You deserved it 1 809

The smell detective is on the case

Our house, in the middle of our street

It's love

Drama abounds

By Anonymous - 02/04/2020 05:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years threatened to break up with me because when she came by my work, she saw me talking to another girl. The girl was a trainee. I'm the boss of the company, so it's my responsibility to train new people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 826

You deserved it 203

By bad samaritan - 23/10/2012 03:51 - United States - Houston

Today, a parent was too busy texting to notice her child had run in front of a moving truck. She did however see me grab the child's backpack to yank him back out of traffic. She then screamed at me for "manhandling" her child and demanded I be fired. It's not even my school; I'm a part time sub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 984

You deserved it 1 665

By thelarkscaw - 15/06/2009 03:37 - United States

Today, I thought I saw a woodchuck far out in my yard. I wanted to take a cool picture of it so I slowly crept closer and closer to it. I spent half an hour sneaking up on a log. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 090

You deserved it 53 425

By Bonecrusher - 27/03/2015 22:50 - United States - Sonoma

Today, I was trying out for a position as pitcher for my college baseball team. I threw the ball as hard as I could, and then collapsed to the ground in agony from a dislocated shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 362

You deserved it 5 311

Denied!

By Cyrah - 16/07/2019 18:15 - United States

Today, I got rejected from participating in a depression study that provides free medication, for not already being on antidepressants. That's because I can't afford health insurance or medication, which is why I applied to the study. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 283

You deserved it 265

By clumsy - 07/05/2013 00:45 - United States - Murfreesboro

Today, I tried to "trip" and fall into this guy I've had a crush on. I missed and fell on my face. He stepped over me and kept walking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 826

You deserved it 53 873

By tbeemcgeebee - 01/08/2010 05:05 - United States

Today, at 2 am on a Saturday, I purposely updated my Facebook status from my iPod so people will see that I posted from a 'mobile device' and think I'm out at a bar having a life, instead of sitting at home on my bed watching movies on my Netflix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 905

You deserved it 33 561

YDI Fosho

By shuffling man - 12/08/2018 01:30

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted to try anal, praise the lord hallelujah. As we were getting into position, she let out a rancid fart she'd been saving for my face. Apparently it was revenge for me seeing Mamma Mia 2 without her while she was at work yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 322

You deserved it 3 873

By notgivingup - 01/10/2012 03:21 - United States

Today, I had to serve my boyfriend's father with a restraining order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 715

You deserved it 1 984

By Hungrytoothbrush - 07/03/2012 22:07 - United States

Today, I spat up blood and had horrible chest pain. My mom still made me go to school, claiming she needed to take the cat to the vet instead of me to the doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 120

You deserved it 2 394

By mstar - 24/09/2012 17:01 - United States

Today, I realized how lonely I am when I got excited over receiving my daily weather update from the Weather Channel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 565

You deserved it 2 814

By Elsine - 02/10/2018 13:30

Today, after having to move home with my parents because I'm broke and can't seem to find a job, my mom found out I'm on anti-depressants. She and my dad will no longer be helping with money because she doesn't like "drugs". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 217

You deserved it 229

By Andrew - 23/08/2011 14:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoners to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over. And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penises to their foreheads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 086

You deserved it 6 383

And I oop

By AnxiousCucumber - 07/09/2016 20:41 - United States - Los Angeles

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend's dick got stuck in the wrong hole. And by wrong hole I mean the pool filter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 249

You deserved it 2 164

By O-|---<=~ - 18/10/2013 23:01 - United States - Bellingham

Today, my otherwise lovely boyfriend of a month showed his true colors. He freaked out when he learned that I use tampons instead of pads. He yelled that using them is like cheating on him, because his penis is the only thing that should ever enter me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 931

You deserved it 5 607

By Biggie - 02/02/2011 14:44 - United States

Today, during a snowstorm, I opened my car door to get out. The wind snapped it wide open, then immediately changed course and swung it back at me just as I stepped out, spilling an entire hot cup of coffee all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 190

You deserved it 4 347

Potterheads, man…

By Anonymous - 14/04/2012 02:06 - France

Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 763

You deserved it 61 937

By diggingaplotforone - 11/08/2012 23:47 - United States - Redlands

Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 096

You deserved it 9 547

By yolonono - 04/12/2014 18:30 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while I was on a field trip with my son, my husband decided to get rid of our dog without asking anyone. Now I get to pick up the pieces of a broken heart, and he thinks he did nothing wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 802

You deserved it 3 001

By Twiddle - 07/12/2009 07:00 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend invited me for dinner to meet his parents. Turns out his stepmother is my gynecologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 612

You deserved it 2 900

By nicole - 27/05/2011 20:52 - United States

Today, I saw a hot guy at the laundromat. Wanting an excuse to talk to him, I tossed a pair of my red underwear into his washer. What I didn't realize was that he was washing his whites. Thanks to me, he now has an entire load of pink shirts and boxers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 325

You deserved it 78 334

By ReallyBro - 21/03/2012 07:27 - United States - Keller

Spicy

Today, after a year of coaxing, I got my boyfriend of 18 months to agree to have sex with me. He decided his first course of action was to try to shove his flaccid penis into my unlubricated vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 338

You deserved it 11 288

By kill me - 30/09/2018 03:00

Today, my dad overheard me and my girlfriend having a very personal conversation. His response was to burst into the room and ground me for a month for failing to get her to orgasm the last 3 times we had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 831

You deserved it 2 337

By Anonymous - 23/10/2010 08:17 - United States

Today, I watched a grizzled, old gas station attendant with a stain on her blouse use my driver's license to pick something out of her teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 155

You deserved it 2 902

By claustrophobic - 04/05/2016 19:03 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I have been in my "office" for 6 weeks. It is literally a closet. I was reminded of this fact when a janitor walked in without knocking, carrying empty boxes he intended to store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 286

You deserved it 888

By Anonymous - 19/10/2009 08:46 - United States

Today, I started my first day at work, I've been unemployed for a while and am in college, so naturally I have no money. At the end of my shift, I ask what we do with the extra bread, and they tell me to throw it away. Being poor and hungry, I decide to take the bread home. I got fired for stealing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 334

You deserved it 10 264

By yeetyeet - 06/01/2019 12:00

Today, we had an emergency lock down drill. The closest room to me was the bathroom, so I rushed in and went into one of the stalls, like I was supposed to only to find out that a girl in the stall next to me was shitting. And it didn't seem like she was going to be done anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 078

You deserved it 318

By Terry - 13/07/2009 04:28 - United States

Today, my friend called to say my boyfriend was at a diner with another woman. I immediately went and caught them in a deep conversation. I slapped him and yelled "Who's this bitch!?" It turns out she's his half sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 590

You deserved it 88 726

By Brinty - 24/10/2009 04:26 - Australia

Today, I found my brand new tropical fish dead in its tank because my boyfriend got drunk last night and decided to pour red wine into the aquarium. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 356

You deserved it 3 554

By Anonymous - 10/07/2016 14:23

Today, a customer asked if we stocked gluten-free water. Then she got pissed when I laughed at what I thought was her joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 078

You deserved it 1 053

By anonymous - 04/10/2017 20:51

Today, my boyfriend keeps trying to convince me that the hickey on his neck was from his friend attacking him with a vacuum cleaner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 417

You deserved it 414

Thanks dad…

By Anonymous - 26/09/2012 20:27 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 557

You deserved it 2 590

By I Have Failed - 02/04/2014 20:10 - Spain - Madrid

Today, my 14-year-old son's pathetic rebellion came to a head. He ran away from home, leaving a note saying he hates me and was leaving forever to be part of a gang his friends had formed. He came back an hour later crying. His whole gang had gotten mugged, which he somehow blamed me for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 066

You deserved it 6 581

By wil - 25/04/2015 17:55 - United States - Nashville

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because "God" told her to. I guess "God" didn't have any problems with me buying dinner first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 372

You deserved it 2 820

By anonymous - 19/08/2013 05:41 - United States - Lamar

Today, I found my dad drunk, sitting on the bathroom floor crying. When I asked him why, he said, "My son is gay." I'm his only child, and I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 279

You deserved it 3 040

By Ep1cF4ce - 26/07/2011 04:03 - United States

Today, I was sleeping like a baby on our living room couch. My older brother and his friends lit my slippers on fire. While I was wearing them. They even took a video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 007

You deserved it 3 410

By Tallie - 01/10/2018 12:00

Today, I fell down the stairs, breaking my foot and tendons. It was the first time I had ever broken anything, and the doctor said that it's the most complicated break he'd ever seen. It's too complicated to operate. Now I'm stuck in a wheelchair for god knows how long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 108

You deserved it 193

By Wino - 05/12/2009 04:08 - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store to stock up on booze for the weekend. After the cashier commented on the size my purchase, I claimed to be hosting a dinner party tonight. I'm not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 768

You deserved it 34 450

By Anonymous - 09/05/2019 22:00

Today, I found out that my mother has been telling everybody that I’m a lesbian, because both of her best friends have at least one gay child each, and she was feeling left out. This explains why people have been treating me differently the last few weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 224

You deserved it 129

By UnpredictableSurface - 17/03/2017 22:00

Today, a tattoo artist send me home without tattoo because the acne on my back has gotten so bad, he refused to work on such an 'unpredictable surface'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 552

You deserved it 1 201

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Top comments

UnidentifiedFun 37

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Friday 29 April 2016 14:22

Don't worry, at least it's not possible for them to make you pay for it.

Hunter_the_Ninja 22

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Friday 29 April 2016 14:18

Depending on how long they've been your neighbors, couldn't it just be a coincidence?

Comments

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Friday 29 April 2016 14:16

Good fences make for good neighbors.

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Friday 29 April 2016 14:16

Is Donald trump your neighbour?

MikaykayUnicorn 36

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Friday 29 April 2016 23:49

We need to build a fence!

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Friday 29 April 2016 23:52

I was gonna say the same thing! :')

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Saturday 30 April 2016 1:19

thats exactly what I was thinking

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Saturday 30 April 2016 4:00

Make the neighborhood great again!

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Friday 29 April 2016 14:16

Trump 2016

Standupmast3r 18

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Friday 29 April 2016 14:16

Do you live next to Donald Trump?

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Saturday 30 April 2016 7:25

I don't understand why you got down voted while the other guy got upvoted. makes no sense...

Hunter_the_Ninja 22

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Friday 29 April 2016 14:18

Depending on how long they've been your neighbors, couldn't it just be a coincidence?

confused_wandere 26

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Friday 29 April 2016 14:18

deleted

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Friday 29 April 2016 14:20

Did they make you pay for it?

UnidentifiedFun 37

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Friday 29 April 2016 14:22

Don't worry, at least it's not possible for them to make you pay for it.

xx000o 27

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Friday 29 April 2016 21:49

Unfortunately in some states they can, Maryland being one of them.

lexos 16

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Saturday 30 April 2016 9:01

#43 how is that possible?

jessreallysucks 19

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Friday 29 April 2016 14:29

maybe they had a good reason? when we moved house we had to put a fence in because our dogs are prone to running out the front door and out onto the road. maybe they need it?

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Saturday 30 April 2016 22:56

My thoughts exactly. It's probably not you, OP. The could have kids, pets, be planning a garden, or be super private people.

arandomperson97 18

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Friday 29 April 2016 14:40

And after your neighbors read this FML, you can bet that the fence will get 10 feet higher.

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Friday 29 April 2016 20:07

That's assuming instantly that they dislike OP and that their neighborhood would actually allow ~16 feet high fences (Assuming it's a neighborhood)

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Saturday 30 April 2016 18:14

Man, this is funny. But you're getting down votes. That sucks.

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Friday 29 April 2016 14:48

Maybe they have/want to get a dog?

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 14

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 735

You deserved it 57

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 253