Kids: Today, I found out my parents are getting divorced. They're fighting...

By Anonymous - 20/07/2010 16:29 - United States

Today, I found out my parents are getting divorced. They're fighting over the dog instead of my sister and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 866

You deserved it 3 921

Kids

Good kid

The smell detective is on the case

Another great day to be alive

By crushed - 29/09/2011 14:32 - Australia

Today, the job search agency that I use asked me to stop sending in my resume, as no one had hired me in three years, and that the situation was unlikely to change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 371

You deserved it 3 790

By knepmj - 16/03/2016 09:44 - United States

Today, I got locked inside my apartment due to the locking mechanism being stuck, so I had to call off work. They refused to believe me, and insisted that I be in on time or else there would be disciplinary actions taken. Maintenance wasn't available till 3 hours into my shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 953

You deserved it 1 382

No sex for you

By oops - 03/07/2021 13:59

Today, I gave my mom a shirt as a birthday present. Apparently, she already had the exact same shirt, so asked me for the receipt so she could return it and get a different one. When she read the receipt, she grounded me. I forgot I bought a box of condoms when I bought the shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 494

You deserved it 826

By BetterThanChocolate - 20/04/2014 23:24 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, at a big Easter egg hunt, the kids found a wild bunny. Everyone smiled and "aww"ed, until my dog caught and ate it in front everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 102

You deserved it 5 584

By weneedthatmoneytoliveon - 26/06/2013 14:08 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I overheard my mother Skyping with her new "boyfriend" about the $1,000 she just sent him. She barely knew what internet dating was three weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 089

You deserved it 3 607

By TGIkaty - 10/02/2009 00:11 - United States

Today, I told my mom I loved her and she asked if I was going to kill myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 618

You deserved it 3 467

By Anonymous - 27/05/2013 00:21 - United States - Matteson

Today, my girlfriend decided to wake me up from a nap by kissing me. I started kissing her back passionately, when she slapped me. Apparently, kissing her back automatically without "confirming her identity" counts as cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 237

You deserved it 4 443

Another birthday ruined

By Michael - 13/02/2021 09:30 - Australia - Southport

Today, my girlfriend of one year broke up with me because I started having PTSD induced night terrors. On my birthday as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 956

You deserved it 59

Balls

By Anonymous - 04/10/2021 17:00

Today, at 17 years-old my doctor told me my balls are riddled with multiple small cancerous tumours. They are now useless for sperm production and will have to be removed anyway to cure the cancer, but not to worry, for aesthetic reasons they can replace them with silicone balls instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 775

You deserved it 100

By bennyp77 - 31/08/2010 05:15 - United States

Today, I was at a tennis match and it was really hot. I took off my shirt to cool down. A member of the staff then tapped me on the shoulder and told me that my "bare breasts might offend someone." I'm a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 931

You deserved it 15 670

By alone - 14/02/2012 05:34 - Australia

Today, I arranged to have some flowers delivered at work for Valentine's Day so that my colleagues will think someone likes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 685

You deserved it 21 371

By stupid - 15/09/2009 02:56 - Canada

Today, I asked my dad to pick me up from school, he said he couldn't. Why? he was busy playing world of warcraft for the night. I got to walk the 3 hours home while my 49 year old dad played computer games. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 893

You deserved it 4 816

By SwordFish8 - 04/07/2009 21:56 - United States

Today, while on a run, I thought I'd run into a flock of geese in a field. Doing so, I learned that when you do this alone, the birds don't fly away, they attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 851

You deserved it 64 406

By Robert Herrin - 31/10/2018 13:30

Today, being the man of the house, I decided to work on the car. Long story short, there's a towel in my transmission. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 306

You deserved it 2 179

By kirrby - 12/11/2011 06:41 - United States

Today, I tried to break up with my girlfriend because I feel unappreciated. She fell asleep while I was attempting this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 879

You deserved it 4 523

Fart wars

By district12 - 18/02/2012 22:22 - United Kingdom

Today, my family started their own version of the Hunger Games. With farts as their ammo, they've been tackling and gassing everyone until their victim "dies" by surrendering. My house is a flatulent war zone, and I fear waking up blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 882

You deserved it 2 890

By bruisedandconfused - 12/02/2019 12:25 - United States - Aberdeen

Today, two days after sending her flowers for Valentine's Day, my dream girl asked me on a date. She didn't show up. Her boyfriend did though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 191

You deserved it 10 759

By beaten - 13/09/2009 06:17 - United States

Today, my Marine friend got back from his tour of duty overseas. We went out for drinks to celebrate his return. His own form of celebration was to pick a fight with a returning Navy SEAL and his friends. We lost. Badly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 272

You deserved it 14 101

Yeah, some "nice guy"…

By Anonymous - 19/02/2021 11:01 - United States - New Haven

Today, I tried to tell a girl that I had watched her Purdue boyfriend flirt around at every frat party. She thinks I'm lying and blocked me. Now all my friends are angry at me because he was a "nice guy" and she "didn't need to know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 105

You deserved it 183

By janesays - 24/02/2010 07:45 - United States

Today, my 2 year old had a large booger blocking his nose so I pulled it out. I was on the phone and absentmindedly rolling it around between my thumb and pointer finger. I put it in my mouth and crushed it between my teeth for a solid minute before I remembered what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 582

You deserved it 66 422

By jennabee97 - 08/11/2014 23:02 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I excitedly told my mom that I'm pregnant with my second child. She shot back, "You know what's a REAL achievement? Jacking your dad off in church last week without anyone noticing. Aim higher." I really didn't need to know that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 830

You deserved it 4 198

By Already Broke Asf - 18/11/2015 01:51 - United States - Rock Hill

Today, my 19-year-old brother broke into my dorm and robbed me. When I tried to file a report, my brother went to my parents and told them that he took it because I owed him money on a bet. Guess who lost $92.50. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 910

You deserved it 2 309

By Anonymous - 15/01/2011 10:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at my girlfriends house. After having sex, we went downstairs to where the rest of the family was. At this point I did not realise that I had a used condom stuck to my foot. The family did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 860

You deserved it 40 303

By seepeezy32 - 02/02/2011 02:32

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She's a sock puppet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 296

You deserved it 71 272

By ohshit - 07/03/2010 17:25 - United States

Today, my fiancé picked which new house he thinks we should live in based on the fact that the bathroom was set up in such a way that he can drink himself in to a stupor, then use the toilet and puke in the sink at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 702

You deserved it 5 637

By Jumanji - 12/12/2008 06:05 - France

Today, I opened my laptop in the train to watch a good film I had downloaded. Of course, it was a fake and the whole carriage was allowed to watch and hear five seconds of butt licking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 916

You deserved it 11 967

By whatheffers - 07/07/2010 16:40 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me using Lady GaGa lyrics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 293

You deserved it 8 906

By beepbeep - 22/08/2018 03:30

Today, after being kicked out of my racist family, my boyfriend and I moved across the country to rent an apartment with my sister. My mother hates us so much she offered to buy my sister a new car to not take us in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 243

You deserved it 514

Yeet it

By Anonymous - 22/05/2020 05:00

Today, I found out that even though my girlfriend is on the pill, and even though my girlfriend took emergency contraception, she became pregnant days after the first time we had sex without a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 273

You deserved it 1 059

By mudy247 - 27/04/2017 20:00

Today, it took me longer than it should have with a bit of calculations to remember how old I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 384

You deserved it 847

By Anonymous - 30/10/2011 05:02 - United States

Today, my boyfriend clearly stated that I was "useless" when on my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 364

You deserved it 8 082

By Anonymous - 21/04/2016 04:55 - India - New Delhi

Today, while trying to get my boss to reconsider laying off much of my department, I accidentally convinced him to lay me off too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 911

You deserved it 6 116

By Anonymous - 21/01/2011 22:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend's mother who lives with us decided that since I work from home, it would be a good idea for her to stay home and keep me company. "Keeping me company" includes ordering me to make her food, gossiping non stop, and ridiculing me for not being the woman that she always saw her son marrying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 863

You deserved it 3 601

By Anonymous - 11/05/2015 06:59 - Canada - Maple Ridge

Today, once again, I explained that yes, I'm Russian. No, I'm not a communist. No, I don't pray to a picture of Putin riding a bear. And no, I don't have any vodka on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 213

You deserved it 3 535

By sosadbuttrue - 14/01/2012 13:15 - Switzerland

Today, the quality of my sex life reached a new low. I faked my orgasm. And so did he. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 128

You deserved it 27 805

By Frazzled - 10/04/2011 10:59 - United States

Today, after three days of hospital camping with my very sick husband, he was finally out of danger when I left last night to get my first good night's sleep in almost 96 hours. He woke me at 5 a.m. with a phone call asking me to bring him comic books because he's bored. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 471

You deserved it 11 282

By theraarman - 21/12/2009 12:13 - France

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has to pretend to have another boyfriend who isn't me, because her siblings and cousins don't like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 580

You deserved it 3 075

By Anonymous - 04/12/2010 23:31 - Canada

Today, I got a birthday card from my parents. It was my sister's from earlier in the year. They scratched out her name and wrote mine underneath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 498

You deserved it 2 608

By SOMAgirl - 06/07/2010 09:16 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to put some streamers on my bike handles, even though I knew they would probably be stolen fairly quickly. I went into a restaurant to eat, and when I came out both my wheels were gone, but at least the streamers were still there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 198

You deserved it 9 075

By toriforever - 05/07/2010 23:22 - United States

Today, I have to pack for tomorrow's family vacation. For one week I get to be stuck in a one bedroom cabin with my alcoholic father, bipolar mother, and two much younger siblings who have a passion for screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 554

You deserved it 4 347

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

DncrHap 9

Send a private message

Tuesday 20 July 2010 23:06

well, maybe they already decided who gets who, and now it's down to the dog?

nerdsgetmehot 22

Send a private message

Tuesday 20 July 2010 23:12

I hear you on that one...My parents are getting a divorce and are acting ridiculous.

txgirl2013 14

Send a private message

Tuesday 20 July 2010 23:06

ewww what else is in your cat?

jade567 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 20 July 2010 23:09

wrong fml.

im_ossim 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 20 July 2010 23:18

fail.

Rawr_Doodle 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 July 2010 0:02

LMFAO!!

Jennifra 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 July 2010 0:23

Haha

DncrHap 9

Send a private message

Tuesday 20 July 2010 23:06

well, maybe they already decided who gets who, and now it's down to the dog?

punjabi44 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 20 July 2010 23:10

Your just not as special as a dog

jakymoon 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 July 2010 11:36

14 FTW

gingaa96 18

Send a private message

Tuesday 22 April 2014 1:21

Thanks, dick.

nerdsgetmehot 22

Send a private message

Tuesday 20 July 2010 23:12

I hear you on that one...My parents are getting a divorce and are acting ridiculous.

radmuffin 12

Send a private message

Thursday 22 July 2010 0:56

Lol nice username #7

FarSide 22

Send a private message

Tuesday 20 July 2010 23:13

Its easy to have another child. But finding another best friend...

ismokepot 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 20 July 2010 23:14

hahahaha!! u must be worthless in their eyes!!

Ace_of_Diamonds 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 20 July 2010 23:14

dogs are cheaper so they want him.

whostolemylama 12

Send a private message

Tuesday 20 July 2010 23:21

lawl there's a reason for everything

ByteCarter97 0

Send a private message

Sunday 24 July 2011 3:39

Except literary inadequacy. And I*

OliviaNicole 5

Send a private message

Tuesday 20 July 2010 23:24

Maybe the dog doesnt bitch back at them like you do (: All in all, I'm sorry OP. But suck it up and quit being a little princess.

XZero_fml 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 20 July 2010 23:27

maybe they already know that they're sharing custody OP. in other words there's no reason to be upset.

DncrHap 9

Send a private message

Tuesday 20 July 2010 23:40

mumble grumble i said that first mumble grumble. :p

XZero_fml 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 July 2010 2:50

ummmmm the FML app doesn't show every comment. didn't see yours. sorry lol.

PurpleLlamas 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 July 2010 8:14

14 your a fucking bitch. if your parents get divorced i hope niether of them want you you bitch.

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 39

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 23

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 39

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 25

No sex for you

Another birthday ruined

Balls

Fart wars

Yeah, some "nice guy"…

Yeet it

Add a comment - Reply to : #

Top comments

Comments