Today, I found out my creepy, obsessive neighbor got a pet hamster and named it after me. He has been telling all sorts of stories about his hamster using my name, and he just told me in detail how it died of heart attack. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I thought my hamster might be lonely, so I went to the pet shop and bought a new one to keep him company. The new hamster killed the old one. FML
Today, my new roommate decided to put his pet hamster in the same cage as my beloved hamster. Apparently he wanted them to make hamster babies. They are both males. His hamster attacked mine and tore it to pieces. I just finished cleaning up the mess. FML
Today, I listened to my mom having a conversation with my dog, asking him if he ate my hamster. My hamster isn't even dead. FML
Today, my mom wanted to surprise me by buying me a hamster. When I got into her car, I was actually surprised and even said, "Hi" to the hamster. When we got home, the hamster was dead. FML
Today, I showed my family my new pet hamster. At the sight of him, my grandmother, who I had no idea hated rodents, let out a loud screech, causing my usually docile hamster to bite me and piss in my cupped hand. FML
Today, I was looking after a hamster for a friend. My dog ate it. FML
Today, we got my brother a pet hamster because he has trouble making friends. We thought a hamster would be a good way to teach him about caring for others. I walked into the room and the hamster was hanging from the ceiling. Turns out there's a reason my brother doesn't have friends. FML
Today, I woke up to one of my hamsters cannibalizing the other. FML
Today, my hamster gave birth. The babies were very cute and I couldn't resist petting one. Apparently touching a baby hamster will cause it's mother to reject and devour it. I am now know in my family as "The Hamster Slaughterer." FML
Today, I found a decomposing hamster deep in my closet. My daughter had hidden "Peach" after accidentally killing it and said it had ran away a month ago. And I'd believed her. FML
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Top comments
RagingWill 17
Is your name Lemmywinks, perhaps?
luminos_ 9
At least the hamster died of a heart attack...not like your neighbor carried out various weird experiments on the hamster, leading to its agonizing death. Right?
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Comments (51)
born_hustla 26
With a straight face, tell your neighbor a story of how you repeatedly stabbed and stomped to death this pet you named after him because it creeped you and disgusted you.- P.S.: DO NOT hurt any actual animals.
McNikk 15
You might want to try to avoid that guy...
Pandacupcakelove 26
Wow.. I'd move.
NurseJonathan 9
Yeah...Sure...A heart attack killed it? I'm going to hope that was the case.
Caribbeankid14 10
Scared much?:o
chanellgymnast 17
A psychotic fortune-teller, perhaps?
Johnnie_Snow 12
Buy a reptile and name it after him/her. Then when it sheds it's skin tell him about the time you ate *enter neighbors name* 's skin. In the meantime, I recommend a .45 or a hard metal pipe.
pedinhuh 23
...Get a gun.
josseposse 9
You should by a hamster and name it after your neighbor, or run for your life.....
onorexveritas 24
heart attacks... at least the hamster wasn't poisoned
NurseJonathan 9
How are you sure?