Today, I found out my creepy, obsessive neighbor got a pet hamster and named it after me. He has been telling all sorts of stories about his hamster using my name, and he just told me in detail how it died of heart attack. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I thought my hamster might be lonely, so I went to the pet shop and bought a new one to keep him company. The new hamster killed the old one. FML
Today, my new roommate decided to put his pet hamster in the same cage as my beloved hamster. Apparently he wanted them to make hamster babies. They are both males. His hamster attacked mine and tore it to pieces. I just finished cleaning up the mess. FML
Today, I listened to my mom having a conversation with my dog, asking him if he ate my hamster. My hamster isn't even dead. FML
Today, my mom wanted to surprise me by buying me a hamster. When I got into her car, I was actually surprised and even said, "Hi" to the hamster. When we got home, the hamster was dead. FML
Today, I showed my family my new pet hamster. At the sight of him, my grandmother, who I had no idea hated rodents, let out a loud screech, causing my usually docile hamster to bite me and piss in my cupped hand. FML
Today, I was looking after a hamster for a friend. My dog ate it. FML
Today, we got my brother a pet hamster because he has trouble making friends. We thought a hamster would be a good way to teach him about caring for others. I walked into the room and the hamster was hanging from the ceiling. Turns out there's a reason my brother doesn't have friends. FML
Today, I woke up to one of my hamsters cannibalizing the other. FML
Today, my hamster gave birth. The babies were very cute and I couldn't resist petting one. Apparently touching a baby hamster will cause it's mother to reject and devour it. I am now know in my family as "The Hamster Slaughterer." FML
Today, I found a decomposing hamster deep in my closet. My daughter had hidden "Peach" after accidentally killing it and said it had ran away a month ago. And I'd believed her. FML
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Top comments
RagingWill 17
Is your name Lemmywinks, perhaps?
luminos_ 9
At least the hamster died of a heart attack...not like your neighbor carried out various weird experiments on the hamster, leading to its agonizing death. Right?
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Comments (51)
poopsi 19
Aww, poor hamster. :< As for you, change your name and move to Mexico. o_e
xYin 16
Just take a few deep breaths, smile, back away slowly, and move the **** out of your neighborhood.
mackdeezy 22
In reference to your username OP, whats so bad about hamsters?
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Some people just don't like them. They smell really bad, they're prone to biting, and most aren't too awfully friendly. And before anyone says anything about my profile picture, rats are about as clean as cats. So they don't stink like other small animals unless the cage isn't cleaned.
shorty6823 28
My hamster doesn't do anything. He sleeps, eats, and poops.
FightMyLiger 19
F your neighbor's hamster's life. Little guy shoulda hit the wheel a little more often.
rawr_ily96 24
Run while you still can. He's coming for you next.
Rahii_nami 10
oh uh.... nice nice .... :/
ThePsyche 9
Purchase a creepy voodoo doll of your neighbor and hang it above your doorstep as a wind chime to exact your revenge.
perdix 31
Heart attack, schmart attack! The hamster exploded because your neighbor failed to wrap it in duct tape before he made love to your namesake.
Ali_Br_fml 33
I thought the story was going in another direction... There were so many opportunities this guy could have had to tell embarrassing stories about his hamster...(you) e.g. He was telling everyone how last night his hamster, (using your name of course) was eating food of his body and slept with him. (Basically saying everything the hamster did in a dirty way to make it seem like it was you doing it to him... assuming you're a girl) or If you're a guy, (to a girl you find attractive) that he caught his hamster (you) eating your own feces, and nearly threw him (you) out of his house. Poor hamster, but at least it didn't live long enough to suffer too much, or screw up your name...too much...
MrSassypants 34
"Joseph always had fun running in his wheel. Joseph loved when I feed him. Joseph loved being in his cage. Joseph was the best in the world. Joseph stopped running a lot in the wheel. Joseph died of a heart attack. I had to bury Joseph in the backyard so the cops wouldn't think I might have "gave" Joseph the heart attack." "You hid the body of a hamster so cops wouldn't find it?" "Hamster?"