Kids: Today, I finally got my 14-year-old son to aim while using the... - FML

By JustSom - 05/05/2015 02:03 - United States - Falls Church

Today, I finally got my 14-year-old son to aim while using the bathroom. If only I could get my husband to do the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 374

You deserved it 3 077

Batman

BO Central

Earthquake

By dolceconfuoco - 20/10/2011 16:44 - United States

Today, I have an ear infection, and everything I hear echoes inside my head. I'm an orchestra teacher, and we have our first concert next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 885

You deserved it 2 572

By 1378 - 12/03/2010 08:26 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I had to explain to my sister why it's unhygienic, socially unacceptable and downright inappropriate to apply Thrush ointment in the lounge room. I realised I wasn't getting through to her when she called me ''Uptight,'' ''Victorian" and ''prudish'' to name a few. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 130

You deserved it 2 968

By Addicted2FML303 - 06/12/2010 22:50 - United States

Today, I was on the couch, about to make out with the guy I've been dating. As soon as our lips touched, my overprotective dog ran up and bit him. He bled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 695

You deserved it 5 233

By daughterinlaw - 18/12/2012 17:09 - United States - La Plata

Spicy

Today, my mother-in-law, who apparently made a copy of our house key without permission, walked in on my husband and me doing the deed. She went crazy, yelling at me for "defiling" her son. Last week, she yelled at me for not having given her grand-children yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 365

You deserved it 4 306

By whyme27 - 09/09/2009 02:41 - Canada

Today, I washed one of my roommates t-shirts. I forgot to remove it before putting it in the dryer, and all the print on the front melted off. It was a gift from his girlfriend. Who has just passed away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 509

You deserved it 20 330

By Locked Out - 14/05/2013 19:11 - United States

Today, after coming home from school, I found that two birds have made a nest above the porch light. This wouldn't be a problem if they stopped attacking me every time I get within 5 feet of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 684

You deserved it 3 529

By Anonymous - 15/04/2011 06:57 - United States

Today, I found my dead phone that had been missing for two weeks. I turned it on to see that I had only gotten 2 text messages during the two weeks. They were both from my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 730

You deserved it 6 607

By Jolene - 26/12/2012 14:32 - United States - Gloucester

Today, I got a phone call from my boyfriend breaking things off with me. He waited until the day after Christmas because he wanted all his presents. And he got me nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 466

You deserved it 3 853

By IDIOT - 28/03/2014 20:11 - United States

Today, a would-be customer practically kicked my store door in, then got pissed and started throwing around insults after I told him that we were still closed, hence the closed sign. He claimed the sign was "confusing". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 576

You deserved it 3 258

By UnluckyTeen - 22/10/2009 11:29 - Singapore

Today, I went to retrieve my stolen wallet from the train station. After I collected it, I returned to the place where I parked my bike to find that my bike had been stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 789

You deserved it 3 396

By dhskkf - 28/08/2013 00:23 - United States

Today, it was the day of my wedding. I had a massive headache a couple of hours before the ceremony so I decided to take a nap. I told my brother to wake me up an hour before it started. He forgot. Now everyone thinks I ran out on my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 519

You deserved it 7 332

By AndyAnonymous - 27/04/2012 00:04 - United States

Today, I brought several bags of soda cans to the store to cash in. I hadn't shaved, and my coat had fur all over from my cat rubbing on it. The lady in front of me turned around, looked at my bags and me and said, "It's a lot of money people throw away, isn't it?" Apparently, I look homeless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 775

You deserved it 22 384

The grind

By Gunaditya - 26/09/2021 23:00

Today, what did I get after a long, tiring week? A long, depressing weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 734

You deserved it 101

By Anonymous - 18/06/2017 16:00

Today, I went to fetch our bins after they were collected, only to scare the child that was trying to fit inside our compost bin. Apparently, she's not allowed to play in hers because she already broke two by doing this. These bins are $75 a piece. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 449

You deserved it 300

By dumbo - 30/07/2009 14:43 - United States

Today, my friends had ditched me for a party I hadn't been invited to so I was sitting home alone. The only other thing in my house was the mosquito I nicknamed Fred. I liked to watch Fred fly around and try to suck my blood. 20 minutes later, I found Fred's dead body. I was actually sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 813

You deserved it 18 881

By Jake Leiter - 20/03/2016 18:12 - United States - Grantham

Today, for what has seemed to be the hundredth time, my labeled bagged lunch was stolen from the fridge at my workplace. I stormed into my boss's office ready to complain, only to find him eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 895

You deserved it 1 216

By crazy_bitch122 - 29/06/2011 05:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, while making love, he farted. And blamed it on his dog, who wasn't even in the room. The smell alone could have killed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 498

You deserved it 6 278

By minibuch1505 - 21/09/2012 11:31 - France - Halluin

Today, as I was waiting for my girlfriend in the street, I saw a woman who looked a lot like her. I ran towards her, my arms in the air ready to give her a hug, only to realise it wasn't her. I then had to pass the woman, my arms in the air, still running. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 697

You deserved it 6 683

By ahappypenguin - 26/09/2012 04:07

Today, I saw a shady looking person on the street. As I walked past him, he said, "Hey, come here." Thinking he needed something, I went over. He handed me several pictures of my wife, in public and at home. I've never seen this man before in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 939

You deserved it 2 020

By Rachael - 30/11/2012 07:29 - Australia

Today, I was woken up by my elderly neighbor banging on my door at 2am. She needed "urgent" assistance as she had forgotten how to turn her TV off. I'd just fallen asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 050

You deserved it 1 859

By Anonymous - 18/01/2017 20:00

Today, I found out my friends replaced the water in my bottle with vodka when all my fish died. Any water I don't finish the night before, I pour into my tank the next morning. Thousands of dollars and years hard work, gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 591

You deserved it 1 653

By Anonymous - 20/08/2011 04:41 - United States

Today, during our wedding, my wife tried to dodge The Kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 586

You deserved it 4 122

By Lost... - 06/03/2010 06:16 - United States

Today, after leaving work at 10 pm, I took a shortcut to the highway. After getting lost, my GPS informed me that the service was unavailable and I should try back in an hour. This occurred moments before I ran out of gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 036

You deserved it 8 587

By mybad - 11/09/2014 03:57 - United States

Today, at work, a midget came in to buy beer. Not only was he almost as tall as me, he got offended when I had to card him and explain that the manager told me to card everyone, and that it wasn't because he was short. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 332

You deserved it 3 257

Bonjour!

By Joshua Sheldon - 19/09/2015 01:56 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, while working alone, I decided to just try some random impressions, and so I ended up doing a French accent when a customer walked in. To avoid embarrassment, I had to continue faking the accent as he struck up a long conversation with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 190

You deserved it 8 505

By ColderThanCold - 15/03/2019 00:00

Today, the company that was supposed to clear our apartment's parking lot never showed up. I almost got frostbite in my fingers trying to shovel someone's car out since my gloves got soaking wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 820

You deserved it 239

By ouch - 05/10/2015 19:20 - United States - Stockton

Today, I cracked my tooth. I was so tired I put my pretzel stick in my tea and took a bite out of my spoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 812

You deserved it 3 736

Empty gestures

By Anonymous - 16/07/2020 02:01

Today, my boss held a staff meeting to talk about how the Covid-19 pandemic has made us stronger, that all of us are family. Later, my car broke down after work, she drove by, saw me stranded on the road and we made eye contact. I thought she was going to help me, but she drove right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 812

You deserved it 109

By 420curse - 05/05/2015 18:20 - United States - San Mateo

Spicy

Today, I found out the "sex noises" I heard from next door last night, which I'd angrily yelled at my neighbor for, were actually from him having an uncontrollable seizure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 556

You deserved it 15 094

By buses suck - 15/11/2015 06:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I regret asking my neighbor to turn down his music last night. When I left for work, I found his car parked so close to mine that I couldn't squeeze between them. His wife's was parked the same way on the other side. They wouldn't answer their door and I ended up being late to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 364

You deserved it 2 219

By anon - 22/02/2009 04:49 - United States

Today, I got fired from a great baby sitting job because the little girl said I was boring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 536

You deserved it 16 251

By Anonymous - 26/06/2015 18:08 - Russian Federation - Moscow

Today, my mom kicked my dad out of the house and told him not to come home again. Why? I started watching some porn on my computer, forgetting I was still connected to the bluetooth speakers in the living room. My mom thought it was my dad, and I didn't have the balls to admit the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 323

You deserved it 41 391

By Anonymous - 19/04/2011 03:44 - United Kingdom

Today, I was putting red nail polish on my nails and put a newspaper on the table to make sure that it didn't spill. I later discovered the nail polish made the newspaper stick to the table. I scrubbed nail polish remover on it, thinking it would help but instead bleached the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 010

You deserved it 40 269

By Geezum Crow - 06/12/2018 17:30

Today, I found out my school's financial aid had a "misunderstanding" of my finances, I can no longer afford to pay half of my bills or pay for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 648

You deserved it 153

By moviewalker - 26/11/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, my parents and I went to the movies for my mom's birthday. After the movie, my mom and dad got into a fight, and left me at the movies. My cell phone was dead, and my house was about 12 miles away. They finally came and picked me up, hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 801

You deserved it 3 163

By Stinkbomber - 24/02/2017 14:00 - United States - Woonsocket

Today, at work, our grease traps were getting cleaned out. My desk is right next to the vent for outside air, and veryone thought I crapped myself and wouldn't go near me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 832

You deserved it 455

By confused_girl - 01/08/2013 05:10 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Spicy

Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 249

You deserved it 5 017

By csc4lyfe09 - 03/03/2010 00:00 - United States

Today, while at my tutoring job, a middle school kid couldn't find a word in the online dictionary. I told him he could check a regular paperback dictionary. His response was, "That's what you did in your day. That's not what we do in our day." I'm only 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 789

You deserved it 3 183

By hulio88 - 07/12/2010 00:37

Today, after years of hard work, I had an interview at the highest ranking university in the world 800 miles from where I live. It snowed heavily for the last 2 days closing every road, railway, and airport causing me to miss the interview. There is no rescheduling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 517

You deserved it 2 691

By Marco - 01/04/2013 21:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had a condom. I opened my wallet to grab the one I keep in there, only to find the empty wrapper in its place; it was the only one I had. It seems drunk me is a bigger jerk than I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 969

You deserved it 45 417

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Top comments

majesticprincess 19

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Tuesday 5 May 2015 10:38

Psh that's an easy fix. Start making them clean it and after a few times they'll be able to aim through a cheereo

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Tuesday 5 May 2015 10:37

throw a cherrio in the toilet and impulse will make him want to hit it. it's how I got my little cousin to aim.

Comments

_parth 20

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Tuesday 5 May 2015 10:35

Tell him to use a funnel.

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Tuesday 5 May 2015 11:08

If someone half as young as him can aim, he should be ashamed of himself. He doesn't need a funnel, he needs some common sense. And potty training. Lots of it.

_parth 20

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Tuesday 5 May 2015 16:35

It was a joke. -_-

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Tuesday 5 May 2015 10:36

Maybe some potty training would be a good idea

siggy_mcsigx 22

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Tuesday 5 May 2015 10:36

If they can't do it just make them sit down and go that way.

amberr_harperr 15

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Tuesday 5 May 2015 10:36

Some people stay kids forever.

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Tuesday 5 May 2015 10:37

throw a cherrio in the toilet and impulse will make him want to hit it. it's how I got my little cousin to aim.

ZombieVampirez 24

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Tuesday 5 May 2015 13:51

I was thinking that exact same thing. My mom did that for my brother. They have bullseye stickers now that you put in your toilet so guys can aim. Make it a game for them. Men love games

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Tuesday 5 May 2015 14:04

I read about an experiment they did in Switzerland where they took black light to a urinal line and figured some measurement of missed piss. they cleaned it then installed little porcelain flies in the backs and tested again, the aim increased by 95% lol

ZombieVampirez 24

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Tuesday 5 May 2015 14:13

I bet after seeing how gross it really gets. It's not just from men. Women miss too. Especially drunk people.

majesticprincess 19

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Tuesday 5 May 2015 10:38

Psh that's an easy fix. Start making them clean it and after a few times they'll be able to aim through a cheereo

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Tuesday 5 May 2015 22:40

I actually might just try peeing through a cheerio.

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Tuesday 5 May 2015 10:39

I dont understand how some people have trouble with this,Pissing all over the bathroom is really nasty...

nider 19

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Tuesday 5 May 2015 10:40

I could never understand why some guys are hopeless at urinating in the toilet: if you stand over the toilet rather than away from it then any drips naturally fall into the bowl rather than on the floor.

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Tuesday 5 May 2015 10:43

science

ZombieVampirez 24

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Tuesday 5 May 2015 13:55

If a guy sneezes while peeing it just becomes a hassle to keep it straight into the toilet. It goes everywhere.

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Tuesday 5 May 2015 14:07

Lol says you, I've mastered it and spent a few years pissing standing up now.

ZombieVampirez 24

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Tuesday 5 May 2015 14:33

Well I don't have a penis so I don't really have to worry about aiming.

Eyalsh 32

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Wednesday 6 May 2015 2:37

you can't sneeze while having a piss. your brain won't let it. your Brain says "STOP PISSING! WE'RE GOING TO SNEEZE NOW!" because your brain knows... you might blow your asshole out.

zanoty 17

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Wednesday 6 May 2015 3:18

Idk about you but I definitely can

iwanttogotoparis 26

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Tuesday 5 May 2015 10:41

Boys...

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Tuesday 5 May 2015 10:41

It took 14 years for your son to learn to aim while taking a piss? I thought this was common knowledge...

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Tuesday 5 May 2015 10:47

And THAT surprises you? Not the fact that it took his father double as long and he still hasn't mastered it?

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 11

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39

You deserved it 11

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 740

You deserved it 167

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 94