Today, I discovered that the only thing more disgusting than watching a little kid shove their finger up their nose and eat their fresh green mucus is watching your grandmother do the same. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I watched in horror from the other room as my boyfriend picked the biggest, slimiest booger I've ever seen, then lowered it into his mouth, and licked his finger clean. I very nearly threw up. FML
Today, while assisting my 2 year-old with potty training, she stuck her hand in her own poop, and when I wasn't expecting it, put her fingers in my mouth. Ever wondered what a green blowout tastes like? I don't have to. FML
Today, my grandmother opened the bathroom door to find me eating a spoonful of Nutella while on the toilet. She is convinced that I was eating my own shit and will not stop telling everybody. They believe her. FML
Today, I taught my 18 month-old daughter to wipe the green, snotty mucus from under her nose with a tissue. To which, like a ninja, she then wiped my open-mouthed upper lip with that same snotty tissue. FML
Today, at the age of 22, I started eating my boogers. FML
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend wiping a booger off her finger and onto my lip. FML
Today, I saw my 32-year-old boyfriend of 4 years pick his nose and eat it. The booger in question was attached to his nose and he sucked it out spaghetti-style. He then tried to kiss me. I still feel my stomach churning. FML
Today, my grandmother made a rule that every time we take a crap, she has to examine the turds to make sure they aren't big enough to clog up the pipes. I don't know what's worse: that she looks at my turds, or the fact that she actively comments on them. FML
Today, I caught my wife flicking a booger off her finger. I asked her why she was doing that and she said, "Because if I can't see where it lands, it disappears and is not gross". It landed on my arm. I saw where it landed, it did not disappear, and yes it is gross. FML
Today, my 3-year-old daughter came along, pointing a finger at me. I pretended to eat it by putting it in my mouth. She then said to me with disgust, "Why are you eating my booger?" Ah, that explains the saltiness… FML
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Top comments
Glitterhinoceros 14
I might have just vomited a bit.
dankpotatoes 2
The salty ones are always the best
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Comments (119)
learningtodrive 12
That sounds like my grandma. I hate her.
awkward_gothlady 32
It's going to take awhile to get rid of that mental picture...
love1026 6
I was picking my nose while reading this... :
Pandasaurus 14
da fuq..
boofybluth 6
I was just picking mine doeeee
BiChelsea 6
Wait.. Green? Doesn't green mean infection? I think I'm gonlig I throw up now. P.s. I used proper grammar so don't bitch at me!
bobplayshockey 0
Cleveland voice- "oh, thats nasty..."
OneLessScarecrow 6
Yep, I vomited alright.
Rainadeer 2
On my god your wording for this just makes it that much more disgusting.
foxychik10704 17
Darn I was eating