Today, I discovered an enormous hairy spider sitting in the bathtub. I also discovered that I scream like a girl and pee a little bit when I am truly terrified. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was in the bathroom at a party when I noticed a spider the size of a golf ball on the toilet paper roll. I screamed, tripped over my own feet trying to flee, and fell right into the bathtub. Everyone at the party heard. FML
Today, I tried to have a relaxing soak in the tub. The giant wolf spider that was already in the tub didn't like me trying to set it free outside. It ran right across my feet and back into my house when I dumped it out of a cup outside. I screamed like a little girl. FML
Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML
Today, I was quietly having a bath when I felt something fall onto my shoulder blade. I glanced over my shoulder and saw what I thought were huge black spider legs. I screamed, completely hysterical, and I threw myself violently against a wall. It was my hair. FML
Today, I saw a big, black spider on the floor of my bathroom. I promptly jumped up on the toilet seat, slipped off, and slammed my head against the wall. The best part? It was a tuft of my hair. FML
Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML
Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML
Today, I got to experience the unadulterated horror of waking up to a spider crawling across my face. My screaming woke the neighbors. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML
Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML
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Top comments
redbluegreen 41
We all scream like little girls at some point or another in our lifetimes. The real question is, did anyone hear you? Did the police come to investigate because they got calls from neighbors fearing a girl was being raped? That would truly be an FML. Oh, wait. Just playing. Spiders are scary, eh?
Katzilla_dances 0
Hehe, peeing when you're scared is a natural instinct, animals do it so they weigh less and can run a 'little' faster.
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Comments (141)
inerdablanket 4
I prolly would have done the same thing. Don't feel bad. What you should feel bad about is saying "screamed like a girl" >_>
MIAMIBITCH_fml 0
@73, how does that make him a pussy? That's very disrespectful.
Sapphy 0
awesome :D lol, jk. I freak out over spiders too.. i scream like a girl.. because i am one.. but i have never pissed myself. i have even had little... babby.. sipders all over my bed... *shudder*
fml_fml_fml9 0
ROFL, thx for making my rather shitty day, better man :)
ZiggyMorrison 0
this reminds me of the daniel tosh joke about wishing how we chose to react to something scary
girlnamedkris 0
It's rare that I laugh out loud at these, but this was one of those rare ones. FYL
Brasil_fml 0
NUMBER TEN FTW :D
19avengers 0
omg... man up its a SPIDER - trust me it'll just get into a fit of fury when it sees you and just try to bite your head off your body... because all spiders do that and they are like... so dangerous... ever think of using hair spray? Omg that spider would be so rofl-ing... lmao YDI
threer 30
People are defined as individuals, not genders.. He can be as "feminine" or "masculine" as he wants. Gender roles don't work, k? So much repost, so much captain obvious.
kc2_fml 0
This HAS to be fake... Cause your name is "I'm from Texas"... We texans are to bad ass to take anything from a spider...
Capnstinkfoot 0
#73 sounds like a total C