By John jacob - 13/06/2011 06:25 - United States

Today, I discovered a tick on my penis. After a long battle, he finally let go. Four hours later I'm in the hospital. My penis is twice the normal size. I may have won the battle but lost the war. FML
I agree, your life sucks 54 571
You deserved it 6 196

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A tick on your dick? Ew, that's sick.

wow maybe having a bigger penis is not that bad?



how did it get there


I never thought I would be the first one to comment a fml itz hard af finally :)

arlekin21 0

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was probably from that new penis enlargement 'surgery' he went

he probably fucked a bush.

DrewSmooth 0

are you kidding me!?!? your penis is now bigger, that's a win.

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that probably hurt to pull off

braasilianx0 4

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it gets there when u are walking outside and it gets on your foot or leg. then crawls all the way to your man parts. it happend to me before and the sweeling was probubly from some desease the tick was carrying, so the bigger penis is a very bad thing

YDI for finding a tick on your penis. After 4 hours he finally let go. Your penis is now twice it's normal size. You won the battle but lost the war.

pablothepenguin 2

Call of duty (; (too bad u lost the war)

It also could have when he pulled the tic off the the little stinger or mouth was still in his penis and that would have caused it to swell up... That's what happened to my two month old puppy... Unfortunately she died because of it :'(

your penis is bigger.? you should be happier OP! it may be painful but you know.. no pain no gain :P

ticks just crawl anywhere if you've been hiking/ out in the woods/ ect. I get them & I have very great hygiene. it's just like having Mosquitos bite you,

boyguydudemalema 0

he's complaining about bigger penis because it probably doesn't fit in the bush anymore.

boyguydudemalema 0

I agree with 120. Heck, if I'm a tick i certainly wouldn't wanna hang around a person with bad hygiene, especially if I'm planning on attaching myself to someone's pubic hair. Just saying.

kurquizu 3

What does OP mean? like I know it's the person that posted but what does it stand for?

tweetbaby14 18

actually, 121, I've heard they're moving from the forests and whatnot to backyards because of the weather, but that's just what I've been hearing.

130- OP means original poster

I am finding a tick for my dick!

women trying to understand call of duty like 87. hilarious

ItWasAllWorthIt 0

"Unfortunately she died because of it" Good job frightening OP.

sassypants93 17

167- I play call of duty, and I rock at it. Suck it up. Not every girl sucks at it.

that's why you don't pull ticks off, their heads stay attached inside, that's probably why it swelled up

SteelCladAngel 0

actually you can get the head out by grasping the tick with tweezers if the head stayed in OP may have just pulled at the tick with his fingers.

MissBunnyWillEat 11

167, you're just mad because when girls play, we kick your little chode into next week.

This reminds me of that one colledgehumor video when that guy gets owned by the girls.

InanimateObject 0

in this case. oversized penis

kjtiger 0

original post

cummbubble 0

can you say... Lady pleaser?

MyScrewedUpLifeS 0

he put his d*ck in the dirt!

weird, my old job i always had ticks on me cuz it required me to walk through the woods. Usually i jus brushed them off my clothes, occasionally one would bite me. so i pulled them out, but never got swollen from them. prob gave a disease like lymes

okay 167 I'm a man and you're a sexist dick. I've seen girls that kick more ass a video games than you ever could. guys like u shud Stfu and respect girls. and OP you should have used vaseline. they can't breathe so they leave.

he should of checked that the ticks head wasn't left inside, that's what cuase the penis to grow. happened to me once.

ryanliechty 0

uuum i dont see the problem? u won the battle AND the war. u got the tick off and u got a bigger penis

1waytoolive 1

oh to much tug of war with your junk?

wait, I'm sorry, TWICE the normal size? This could be a good thing ....

gleek47 0

I'm sorry 87 what does call of duty have to do with a tick and a bigger penis?

thtsuxs 0

if it turned 2x for a tick bite the first 1x probably wasn't tht big to begin with

I don't mean to alarm anyone, but I *think* what we may be dealing with here is called an "erection".

WTF does op mean..?

Unless it's got Lyme Disease and needs amputation

don't complain that it is twice the normal size! celebrate even if it's just swollen some woman somewhere will appreciate it

cgyguy 0

except with the lovely Lyme disease

MerrikBarbarian 9

only if you pull them off wrong. where I live ticks are everywhere and peak years you can't step outside without being bitten. just grasp them firmly as close to the head as you can and pull then wash with anti bacteria soap. I've lost count of how many tick bites I've had

CandyCanesRCool 6

awe I'm so sorry :(

i've been wondering the same thing for 2 years... but nobody ever answers so i just gave up :-P

ooohhhh i thought it meant "other person" T.T

original poster

umm... I think you did win the war

brightnite 0

Fun fact parasites and bloodsuckers will attach more to people with better hygiene.

Maybe he stuck his dick in the dirt and tried to fuck the whole universe??

jessiemarie95 0

Your a fucking nerd, get a life dude

i love this girl.

ohh shitt, thatz fkn scary

veryy truee

175- That's just because you're ugly as fuck. Rule #1 of CoD, any girl who plays is either a lesbian, ugly, fat, or trying to get guys to like them for playing CoD.

The tick had a tic that attracts it to dicks. OP is ticked off.

wow maybe having a bigger penis is not that bad?

eminemchick 19

hey where can i pick you up? haha jk

MrsLender_fml 3

Now men all over the world will be trying the new "a tick for your dick" enlargement treatment.

is this problem ticking you off?

DisappearingRose 18

Exactly what I thought. Maybe having a bigger dick isn't bad. Time to get into bed to have some fun! ;D

fthislyfe 22

my boyfriend should try it

MizzErikaHart 8

74 - small penis now now, I'm jk.. I don't kno u or what have.

82- you... stupid silly slut. Sorry, I kinda wanted to continue it.

As long as he doesn't get Lyme disease or some other tick-related infection...

astrotacohead 0

it's provably still under 5inch

jacquay09 3


are you kidding me? you won the damn war.

yeah but being in the hospital and explayning to the doctor or nurse what happend is.

there's a difference between havin a big Wang and being stretched out.

Take away the pain, leave the swelling!

tiger067 0

lol. true! :D

lol. 53 thinks their bf has a tiny penis.

minecraft_fml 4

the phenomenon of a penis getting bigger is called an erection.

krazyvato 0

lil Wayne doesn't need that he jumongus

iSitt 0

if it lasts more than four hours, you know what to do

GetOwnedPuppy 0

this isn't a bad thing...

Melli17 3


exactly bigger dick without viagara

CommonSenseKarma 17

I would think a swelled penis is painful, and more so when OP has an erection. Just think about it... or not.

snowdrift 6

i don't understand how this is an FML..he has a big dick..(:

XxlegitpandaxX 0

yeah like a bigger penis is ever bad

zarden 0

won. not one.

mashamanya 0

thank you

when is having a huge dick ever a bad thing??

When it does black and falls off I would imagine!

Buchitoo 4

And its probably painful.

I thought the ladies loved a big black dick. I'm not sure how they feel about being able to take it with them.

pablothepenguin 2

When she has a REALLLLLY small mouth?

do you have a small mouth

I guess I need to find me a tick and make my dick swell.

when it's the result if an arachnid biting your dick then it's a bad thing dumb ass

Zdog101 0

ur a poet n dint even no it

ErbodyLuvsDaLulz 4

It's called Lyme Disease, Dipshit. Would you want an infection from a tick's stomach contents making your penis swollen? I doubt it..

When there's a tick attached to it...

geoLa16 0

dude ticks have poison

nevergo 10

a penis twice its normal size.....wouldnt most people just call that an erection? =P

He probably didn't use tweezers and caused the tick to vomit into his blood system. While you're at the hospital you should plow a hot nurse while your penis is still swolen.

A tick on your dick? Ew, that's sick.

kamiicult 0

I like you sir.

jennifer93 0

thank you Dr. Seuss

That's from a song, my mom sings it. 0.0

ImaWiseGuy 5

haha, tick dick....

bringmepieskm 0

I tip my hat to you good sir.

Felix_Felicis15 8

Hahaha that was excellent!

reebokkid123 14

You win my good sir

terran36 0


very creative. props to you.

haha that is so funny

Balls to You, Sir...

bloodshedblack 5

even his name rhymes!!

tessie98love 0

ahaha clever. that rhymed. I liked it.

XXizzlerXX 0

hehe funny

classic good fellow

kevind_fml 0

i bet this guys name is rick ^.^ lol

good show, jolly good show indeed. (:

maybe your mom reads FML and can't get this out of her head ????

fwedwick 3

I approve of your rhyme.

Tick is on my dick, tick i- tick is on my dick. Tick is on my dick, tick i- tick is on my dick. Tick i- tick is on my dick.

Well aren't we getting all Dr.Suess up in here!

tick gone, penis bigger. you've won both the battle and the war!

Win, win situation.

round two ;) I got this!

Pedobear wins. Period

Why has no one asked, is it bigger in girth or length, one Is bad the other good.

emmiep1011 7

you got the tick and bow have a big dick. where's the issue?

The fact that it would be infected and no doubt incredibly painful so he wouldn't be able to make use of it.

No pain, no gain...

emmiep1011, ur hot:)

Swelling is different then enlargement, as it might have caused infection.

he dosent have anyone to use his newly enlarged member on that could be a problem

Jbfu 0

gotta push through the pain! it's what the tick would have wanted

I dont think any1 wants an infected dick in them.

OP - since most ticks come from sheep, I have to wonder - what exactly were you doing around sheep with your dick out?

from sheep? What the hell do you base that theory on? You can get a tick from walking in the bush, even with no sheep around! jackass

maybe he's that guy from American Pie

blondebrunette11 4

guys, he was obviously hiding in a bush having sex with a sheep...DUH

thrfunnyryguy 0

maybe he calls his wife a sheep and was in her bush...

Sheep are better than women they can't say no. and if u wear high boots then you put their back feet in them. they can't get away.

SteelCladAngel 0

ticks don't 'come from sheep' you ignorant fuck they live in the grass and weeds and crawl onto unlucky animals or humans walking by.

Google Ixodes_ricinus and you will discover that, around here, the tick's most common host is the sheep and therefore they are most commonly caught in the vicinity of sheep. They are not known as "the sheep tick" entirely at random. However, that's beside the point. It was a cheap shot at a guy whose day could only really be made worse by a burgeoning reputation as a sheep-shagger. Accuracy was only a detail.

Staige40 0

or you could get a tick on your leg from a walk in the back yard And it crawls up

you can get ticks from almost anywhere dumbass.

meggieh815 0

or he was peeing outside.

161 - do you have any idea how creepy that sounded?! O_O "they can't get away"!?!?! Stop putting your dick in those sheeps' bushes!

must be Scottish lol jkz

Don't fuck dogs next time

germanboi22 0


Do dogs also get ticks? Or do they just get fleas? Or both?

30 - they get both.

dear, having a big penis isn't bad. you'll impress the nurses.

I am sorry but I hate you "build it bigger". how can someone piss away our resources, and advertise they have a small dick? they can drive your POS.

*better not bigger but my point still stands!

112, do you need to talk to a chaplain?