Work: Today, I covered a 10-hour shift for a sick coworker. Glad to...

By Anonymous - 04/12/2013 04:02 - United States

Today, I covered a 10-hour shift for a sick coworker. Glad to earn some extra money for the holidays, I went to clock out. I hadn't even clocked in when I first got there at 7 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 924

You deserved it 16 386

Work

Dementia or hate? You decide

This Charming Man

Right under your nose

By emmmbo - 19/12/2011 15:40 - Australia

Today, my brother and I proposed to our girlfriends at the same time. We had perfect synchronization after practicing for days. My brother's girlfriend said yes, mine said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 730

You deserved it 5 436

By theyreallydosmell - 04/02/2011 00:59

Today, I came home from a vacation. It had snowed, so I decided to shovel the front walk. While shoveling, I found a dead skunk frozen solid on the sidewalk. I tried to pick it up with my shovel, but it stuck. It won't move 'til the ice melts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 587

You deserved it 3 043

By Alien - 29/12/2015 11:07 - Switzerland

Today, after dating this girl for 3 months, I finally introduced her to my friends. She looked panicked during the date, and after it she broke up with me. When I asked why, she told me she could try to deal with a black friend, but not with a gay one. I've been dating a moron all this time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 019

You deserved it 2 623

By Shamu - 14/02/2009 00:15 - United States

Today, I was talking to my parents about feeling insecure with my "beach body" as Spring Break keeps getting closer and closer. My dad warned me by saying, "Don't wear a gray swimsuit. People will try to roll you back into the ocean". FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 421

You deserved it 8 756

Dad, stop driving my car

By Anonymous - 28/02/2021 00:01 - Puerto Rico - Aguas Buenas

Today, my dad was looking for something in the garage and accidentally knocked over a heavy box, which crushed the new side view mirror I'd bought for my car, because the one my car originally had, he smashed it against a pole while driving my car recently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 992

You deserved it 67

By KalaKa - 20/12/2014 20:45 - United States

Today, I sent my girlfriend a long-overdue message telling her I feel like she doesn't really care about me any more, that it seems like she only ever calls me when she needs money, and that I'm even starting to suspect she may be cheating on me. 14 hours later, she replied: "TL;DR". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 887

You deserved it 3 769

Freudian slip

By MollyMadamme - 01/02/2011 00:33

Today, I decided to wake my fiancé up by giving him a blowjob. When he finally started to wake up he called me by his ex's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 831

You deserved it 6 318

By skaterboy - 13/08/2013 15:36 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my mom got a cat. I'm allergic to cats, so I politely asked my mom why she got it. Her response: "I want you to finally want to move out." I turned eighteen two weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 537

You deserved it 5 010

By Nick - 11/02/2010 18:35 - United States

Today, I was carrying a hot cup of noodles. I sneezed and accidentally stabbed myself in the forehead with a fork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 439

You deserved it 5 561

By ProudMother - 06/03/2013 18:04 - United Kingdom - Telford

Today, my 20-year-old came whining to me, asking why his job interviews keep going so poorly. I had to delicately explain that the "PIMP SLAP" tattoo he had put on his right hand recently may have something to do with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 693

You deserved it 4 600

By LetsMakeLove - 10/06/2009 18:42 - United States

Today, I went to the game with my boss and some people he does business with on his tab. I got so drunk that I blacked out, threw up all over the table, and passed out in the bathroom. I woke up alone with my body reeking of vomit, and no phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 509

You deserved it 76 723

There's no such thing as a coincidence

By Anonymous - 08/11/2021 11:00 - Germany - Dornum

Today, I created a shared album with over a 1000 pictures and videos from a romantic vacation with my girlfriend of 3 months. Later, I got an angry text from my ex. It seems I accidentally added everything to a shared work-related album with my ex, which I didn't realise I had. My ex thinks I did it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 610

You deserved it 469

By WakeUpToADream - 25/09/2015 20:43 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend is as punctual as a German train; I woke up to see her taking a dump into a plastic bag in our bedroom, all because my roommate was using the bathroom and she had to leave for work on time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 209

You deserved it 1 963

Heavy phone, dude

By Burton - 12/06/2021 20:00

Today, I'm in the E.R. because I broke one of my toes when my cellphone slipped from my hands after taking a shower. Needless to say, my cellphone broke too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 617

You deserved it 309

By afraidtoburn - 26/02/2012 04:18 - Canada

Today, I discovered that during fire drills, my school lines everyone up next to some extremely flammable and explosive propane tanks. If we ever have a real fire, we will all die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 310

You deserved it 2 562

By Anonymous - 19/09/2009 08:17 - United States

Today, my boss asked me to take some of the female mannequins and change the outfits. As I was changing them, I realized that this was the most action I've gotten in almost a year. Not only am I twenty-seven, but I'm married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 170

You deserved it 3 664

By Anonymous - 12/01/2012 00:26 - United States

Today, while working at a pizza place with my girlfriend, I called my boss to tell him we were short on sausage. Under her breath I heard my girlfriend say, "sounds like somebody I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 940

You deserved it 4 702

By Clumsy76 - 20/04/2018 15:00

Today, I moved into a new downstairs flat. I promptly fell down said stairs. I have a broken pelvis now and can't walk or go down steps for 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 619

You deserved it 323

By jamerz - 26/05/2019 04:00

Today, someone informed me that my new boyfriend's tattoo is really an old Nazi symbol and not just a poorly-drawn skull. Now I'm trying to figure out how to ask him whether he's a neo-Nazi or not. Why am I so nervous? I'm Jewish, he just hasn't heard my last name yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 324

You deserved it 417

Manly men fighting

By Anonymous - 05/06/2020 05:00

Today, my boyfriend got drunk and had a fistfight with a dumb teenager, which was bad enough, but he also lost the fight, which was just pathetic and embarrassing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 400

You deserved it 239

By Anonymous - 08/08/2015 04:02 - United States - Portland

Today, my wife handed over most of our son's college fund, in cash, to an investment scammer going by the name "Herp A. Derpson". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 028

You deserved it 3 670

By aarone23 - 01/06/2011 13:30 - United States

Today, I was slammed onto my car, thrown on the ground, and arrested for outstanding warrants from 1979. I was born in 1992. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 394

You deserved it 4 045

Creepy

By dogless - 15/10/2019 06:00

Today, at my surprise birthday party, my neighbor gave me a new dog collar. My dog was run over by him a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 043

You deserved it 99

Framed

By Anonymous - 28/09/2019 04:00

Today, the police turned up. It turns out the girl I slept with two nights ago was burgled. She told my great aunt, who happens to live next door to her. They then told my grandparents, who then told my mum. I'm now a suspect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 643

You deserved it 156

By Giggity - 21/02/2011 19:20 - United States

Today, I found out that the mysterious smell from under my bed was my cats collection of dead mice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 299

You deserved it 6 502

By Anonymous - 24/07/2013 20:56 - United States - South Hadley

Today, I was buying condoms but was a little embarrassed so I went to the self-check. I scanned the condoms, then a magazine and tried to put the condoms under the magazines to hide them. The store guy saw me, thought I was shoplifting and I was kicked out of the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 754

You deserved it 15 884

By dilligaf - 27/09/2011 06:22 - United States

Today, I had to choose between staying with my boyfriend and moving out to a better job. I chose my boyfriend. He promptly left me because I didn't take the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 301

You deserved it 18 491

By unimpressed bride - 22/11/2015 06:10 - United States - Traverse City

Today, it's been two weeks since I got married. It's also two weeks since my husband got cold feet about moving in together, because he thinks the sudden change would be too emotionally distressing for his cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 526

You deserved it 3 021

By day001313 - 07/04/2012 04:32 - United States - Albany

Today, I was house-sitting for some friends of my grandparents while they are out of town. While I was in the shower, the dog decided to take my dirty underwear and run. There is now a pair of lacy, black underwear hidden somewhere this giant house, and they return tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 840

You deserved it 3 334

By loki - 13/03/2010 09:17 - United States

Today, my roommate and I finally went to the DMV to transfer our vehicle ownership title to our names. On our way out, we joked that we were now responsible for any violations involving our car. We came back to a $35 parking ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 947

You deserved it 23 420

By Anonymous - 31/05/2009 22:09 - United States

Today, I went to put my laptop on a desk when I got a text message. I was startled by my ringtone and dropped my laptop on the ground. It now has dent marks on the bottom. The text message was from an annoying friend simply saying "I'm eating a hot dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 595

You deserved it 14 538

By Anonymous - 15/07/2009 00:37 - United States

Today, while at my boyfriend's house waiting for him to shower, his mother slams a pair of underwear on the table and tells me that if she ever finds something like that in her son's room again, she is forbidding him from seeing me. The underwear isn't mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 669

You deserved it 2 608

By Anonymous - 26/11/2010 06:44

Today, I signed up to a Christian website in order to try and 'find God again'. I got banned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 455

You deserved it 27 192

By Moe - 25/09/2009 05:20 - United States

Today, I discovered that I had lost my phone. I drove to the campus to try and find it, and parked in a gated lot where you pay when you leave. All the buildings were closed, so I had to go home. That's when I realized that I didn't have my wallet to get my car out. And no phone to call a ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 070

You deserved it 7 628

By ConstantChoas - 12/07/2019 06:07

Today, I found out the procedure manual I've been creating for months and finally finished is going to be used to train the person replacing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 144

You deserved it 131

By Porkchop05 - 06/09/2009 05:44 - Canada

Today, trying to be sexy I was sucking on my boyfriends fingers. I was really starting to turn him on, when I noticed something crunchy in my mouth. Turns out, he went digging for treasure up his nose earlier. I found the treasure in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 847

You deserved it 14 670

By AbandonedHouseWife - 17/10/2012 20:16 - Canada - Grande Prairie

Today, I woke up and found a little note where my husband should have been. It said, "We've had some good times, hun, but it's time for me to move on." We've been married for 15 years, and have 3 children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 113

You deserved it 2 554

No kink-shaming

By Cybertronianchic - 05/09/2020 09:58 - United Kindom - Birmingham

Today, I realised I'm so much more sexually attracted to Transformers than anyone I've ever met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003

You deserved it 557

By jailbirdlove - 11/10/2010 01:38 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love. Her phone rang, and she stopped to answer it. It was her ex-boyfriend, calling her from jail. She talked to him for 15 minutes. To top it all off, before she hung up, I heard her tell him she loved him, and couldn't wait for him to get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 614

You deserved it 4 257

By TJ - 06/04/2012 11:10 - United Kingdom - Redhill

Today, my girlfriend and I were in bed. She slipped her hand under the duvet, and I got all excited thinking she was going to give me a hand job. She was actually pulling out her wedgie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 143

You deserved it 10 359

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Top comments

StompinOnCrayons 15

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Wednesday 4 December 2013 8:22

Well, good job anyway ? Explain it to your boss or check the CCTV

carelessxdanger 9

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Wednesday 4 December 2013 8:23

just tell your supervisor. no biggie. happens all the time!

StompinOnCrayons 15

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Wednesday 4 December 2013 8:22

Well, good job anyway ? Explain it to your boss or check the CCTV

HKCgrimmjow 15

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Wednesday 4 December 2013 9:56

I've done this countless times. Just tell them you forgot to clock in and they usually will be fine with it. Most bosses aren't dicks that'll drop your shift for a simple mistake

LowExpectations 30

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Wednesday 4 December 2013 11:39

The same thing has happened to me. It's easily fixed by your book keeper or management.

Rainhawk94 27

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Wednesday 4 December 2013 15:59

If they have cameras then there's your proof that you were there

niallo 23

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Thursday 5 December 2013 3:50

Not. A big deal. They know someone did the shift, so tell your boss. He can sign it for you. I take it the boss had to ask you to do the shift in the first place.

VeganVampyre 26

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Thursday 5 December 2013 15:51

Where I work, if you're covering a shift for a sick coworker you wouldn't be able to punch in anyway, because it'll be their name in the system for the shift, not yours. The managers have to change it manually for you to get paid for that shift. I'm sure it can't be that a big a deal to tell the boss and have them fix it.

anonymous100000 17

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Tuesday 11 November 2014 21:32

OPs managers can fix that. that's happened to me before. don't worry OP, you'll get those hours accounted for:)

thefmlman2011 35

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Thursday 13 November 2014 22:04

I've done that a few times before at work. I told my managers about it, and they dealt about it

Rick_Astley_fml 14

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Wednesday 4 December 2013 8:22

Sports_guy3 28

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Wednesday 4 December 2013 8:29

How'd you do that #2?!

tehdarkness 21

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Wednesday 4 December 2013 8:22

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

NessaMae 19

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Wednesday 4 December 2013 9:08

Rei-san that wasn't very nice of you. Typical Rei.

iffy 20

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Wednesday 4 December 2013 8:22

Tik tok

Tomcuro 11

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Wednesday 4 December 2013 23:20

Fuck off, Ke$ha

ex_omer 17

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Wednesday 4 December 2013 8:23

Thats bad OP I hope your boss beleives you

StompinOnCrayons 15

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Wednesday 4 December 2013 8:25

*believes

carelessxdanger 9

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Wednesday 4 December 2013 8:23

just tell your supervisor. no biggie. happens all the time!

Ambient25 24

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Wednesday 4 December 2013 8:28

Exactly! They have procedures for that. Not to mention I doubt OP hadn't been seen by any witnesses during that 10hour shift.

ladylilly25 20

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Wednesday 4 December 2013 8:23

Just tell your boss to manually enter the punch times for you. How is this a deal?

HarrisonVR 17

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Wednesday 4 December 2013 10:17

rules are different depending where you work? maybe they have to process it next paycheck after the holiday, maybe they're more formal of the boss is just a dick, who knows? point is don't be so judgemental when you don't know that much about the situation

kbecks87 16

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Wednesday 4 December 2013 12:20

They put it on a website that's sole purpose is passing judgment.

DraconicFeline 31

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Wednesday 4 December 2013 18:42

It can be a big deal depending on where you work. At my summer job the paychecks are all calculated by the computers that keep track of when you've punched in and out. It's not impossible for someone to go in and fix the mistake, but it is a pain, and doesn't make you look very good. OP, I feel you - I've done similar things myself. Make sure you get paid, and hopefully your supervisors will be understanding!

VeganVampyre 26

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Thursday 5 December 2013 15:55

39- I actually feel like the purpose is to read about the stupid/crappy stuff that happens to other people and either feel better about your own life, or realize you're not alone in having crappy things happen to you. I never judge anything based on 2-3 sentences because you never have the full story from that.