Today, I counted the amount of stuff that my dad had bought within a week: a brand new boat, car, and truck. He also has countless gadgets at his office, including a 60" television. Our house is literally falling apart but Mr. Midlife-crisis won't do anything to help. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it's the third week of my dad's midlife crisis. So far he's blown half my college fund pimping out his piece of shit car, keeps texting me meme pictures, and keeps yelling "Savage!" and "Recked!" any time my mom makes a joke at anyone's expense. FML
Today, my dad started his mid-life crisis. Instead of a Porsche or a Ferrari, he bought a tractor. Goodbye summer holiday. FML
Today, my dad is having his midlife crisis, bought a Mercedes, along with having a girlfriend less than half his age. I was trying to be supportive, until I found out he is funding his midlife crisis with my university loan. FML
Today, my dad had a day off and was 'bored' so he decided to move our entire kitchen into our living room. We now have no running water, no oven that works and the entire house is a bombsite. He has an entire week off. FML
Today, in response to the guy whose son told him to fuck off for disturbing his one day off a week, my son spent literally his entire savings account for a deposit on a shitbox one bedroom house because he’s sick of his dad finding him things to do every ten minutes, and I don’t even blame him. FML
Today, my husband started his midlife crisis with a bang, or rather several bangs, as he admitted that there are two women out there pregnant with his babies. Oh, and he quit his job to escape the daily grind. Oh, and he remortgaged the house to buy a truck so we could go cross country. FML
Today, I was asked to stay at my parents' house for a week while my mom stays with my dying grandfather. Dad greeted me with a whole list of chores to do every day when I'm not at work, and won't even so much as let me use my laptop when I'm not busy. He does nothing but waste money on eBay all day and doesn't help. FML
Today, my dad got drunk and decided to fix everything in the house he thought was broken. Now the oven won't cook, half the floorboards from the stairs are piled in the garden, we put the TV back together but now it is stuck on mute, and we still have no idea where he has put my bedroom door. FML
Today, my dad is mad at me because I refused to buy a truck. An ugly old Isuzu with two flat tires and a missing headlight, and the owner said it needed a new transmission & brakes, but still wanted $8000. Apparently, without consulting me, Dad promised him I'd buy it as payment for guns he bought. Now he's in debt. FML
Today, I came home to find my dad's mid-life crisis has finally started. He's blacked all our windows, barricaded the door to the backyard, and set up a bunch of security cameras in and out of the house. It seems he's been reading up on Survivalist and Masonic conspiracy theory bullshit. FML
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Top comments
ThreeSheetsGone 12
Never stand between a man and his toys. Never.
TN9R 1
damn. you must be rich! he should buy a new house while hes at it.
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Comments (121)
manasstalker 7
It's his house and his money. Get a job and move out if you don't like it.
Chrispayne 4
Do u live with ur dad as n being a minor or r u grown and just want to live off ur dad the rest of ur life.
LuukBaas 0
make him an offer he can't refuse.
unixdude 9
Hey, at least it's "boat / car / truck" and not "18 year old girlfriend / new **** for girlfriend / credit card for girlfriend" ...or maybe it's all that, too.
Spoonz 4
are u my brother
1911_Angel 0
Maybe he's losing the house, defaulting on loans and declaring bankruptcy. He's just having a little fun before the fall.
rapido_fml 2
he is probably bipolar
SugarRushxx 0
Do you know what bipolar means?
modiese 3
Sounds like my dad, OP :/
Fruitmonster2 15
Oh, you poor baby. Are you gonna go cry to mommy now?
stoptrying 9
I think I'm going to go cry to the government for not killing people as stupid as you at birth.
espanaitalia96 2
tell him buying a new house is cooler and makes him seem more young than a motor cycle or sell the shyt lol