Today, I counted the amount of stuff that my dad had bought within a week: a brand new boat, car, and truck. He also has countless gadgets at his office, including a 60" television. Our house is literally falling apart but Mr. Midlife-crisis won't do anything to help. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, it's the third week of my dad's midlife crisis. So far he's blown half my college fund pimping out his piece of shit car, keeps texting me meme pictures, and keeps yelling "Savage!" and "Recked!" any time my mom makes a joke at anyone's expense. FML
Today, my dad started his mid-life crisis. Instead of a Porsche or a Ferrari, he bought a tractor. Goodbye summer holiday. FML
Today, my dad is having his midlife crisis, bought a Mercedes, along with having a girlfriend less than half his age. I was trying to be supportive, until I found out he is funding his midlife crisis with my university loan. FML
Today, my dad had a day off and was 'bored' so he decided to move our entire kitchen into our living room. We now have no running water, no oven that works and the entire house is a bombsite. He has an entire week off. FML
Today, in response to the guy whose son told him to fuck off for disturbing his one day off a week, my son spent literally his entire savings account for a deposit on a shitbox one bedroom house because he’s sick of his dad finding him things to do every ten minutes, and I don’t even blame him. FML
Today, my husband started his midlife crisis with a bang, or rather several bangs, as he admitted that there are two women out there pregnant with his babies. Oh, and he quit his job to escape the daily grind. Oh, and he remortgaged the house to buy a truck so we could go cross country. FML
Today, I was asked to stay at my parents' house for a week while my mom stays with my dying grandfather. Dad greeted me with a whole list of chores to do every day when I'm not at work, and won't even so much as let me use my laptop when I'm not busy. He does nothing but waste money on eBay all day and doesn't help. FML
Today, my dad got drunk and decided to fix everything in the house he thought was broken. Now the oven won't cook, half the floorboards from the stairs are piled in the garden, we put the TV back together but now it is stuck on mute, and we still have no idea where he has put my bedroom door. FML
Today, my dad is mad at me because I refused to buy a truck. An ugly old Isuzu with two flat tires and a missing headlight, and the owner said it needed a new transmission & brakes, but still wanted $8000. Apparently, without consulting me, Dad promised him I'd buy it as payment for guns he bought. Now he's in debt. FML
Today, I came home to find my dad's mid-life crisis has finally started. He's blacked all our windows, barricaded the door to the backyard, and set up a bunch of security cameras in and out of the house. It seems he's been reading up on Survivalist and Masonic conspiracy theory bullshit. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
ThreeSheetsGone 12
Never stand between a man and his toys. Never.
TN9R 1
damn. you must be rich! he should buy a new house while hes at it.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (121)
thatnucca 36
Don't worry, he'll know soon enough... Where's a storm when you need one... Smdh!
V19Spartan 1
Your dad is an excellent distributor of cocaine, you should be proud.
Mirorbo 27
Unless he paid for the boat, car, and truck in full...those monthly payments are going to hurt SO badly!
rakuboi 3
If you're over the age of 20 you shouldn't be living at home anymore.
Mirorbo 27
If you have a good relationship with your parental units, and are pulling your weight in terms of helping around the house, paying for rent and food, and are not being a general waste of space, there is no shame in living at home passed the age of 18-20 with the way the economy is right now.
guckylynn 19
Have you looked at the economy lately? It's not easy to find a job to fully support yourself these days.
shorty6823 28
Some people stay home to help pay for college too. You don't know the situation
irritatedone 5
OP it's none of YOUR business how your dad spends HIS money.
CatEyes66 0
Yes it is, that's the OP's father and if any decisions the father makes that affect the OP in anyway makes it his business. Like living in a home that is falling apart and his father not doing anything about it.
brianjman14 23
34, the OP said that their house is falling apart and he's buying all these nice things for HIMSELF. He's not only being irresponsible, but also selfish.
Footballfinatic 0
Get a job and move out :P
Stylin_Since_97 10
Crash his truck into the house. Then put the TV in his boat and abandon it at sea. That always works!!
Paulacookie 18
Yes.
khalia1239 0
Always? Just how many times have you done this? Owo
eurekaroy 6
Adopt me :)
feranmi101 0
Your appa is an asshole
perdix 31
The things you mentioned are fun and impress young, hot women. Owning a house is part of that hopeless middle-class wage-slave trap that sucks the life and vitality out of men. Are you conplaining because he's rational and you are an ignorant naive dumbass?
Iamnotmyself 17
-49 I think because he wants his Xbox, but that's only me. Or is it?