Today, I came home in tears over finding out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. I told my seemingly sympathetic dad everything. His advice was to lure them both to our house with the promise of a three-way, after which he'd "kill the shit" out of them. Real mature, dad. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. My dad noticed my depression and got me to tell him what was wrong. I told him everything, and trusting him to have an intelligent suggestion, I asked him what I should do. He shrugged and said, "Fuck, sue him, I dunno." FML
Today, I came home crying after my boyfriend dumped me for another girl. My dad told me to come tell him what was wrong. I sat down and let it all out, after which he looked up from his book, into my eyes, and gave me his loving advice: "Just cry about it and move on to another bastard." FML
Today, I came home in tears after my boyfriend admitted to cheating on me. My dad told me to sit down and tell him everything. He's pretty eccentric, so I wasn't fazed when he put on a pair of sunglasses. When I stopped talking, I noticed his mouth was slightly agape and he was snoring. FML
Today, I found out that my father, who very recently lost his wife, decided that drunkenly hitting on my long-time boyfriend's mom was a good idea. FML
Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML
Today, my dad walked into my school and joked around saying that he's going to shoot my boyfriend. We all laughed. Except my boyfriend. He was sobbing in a corner. FML
Today, my dad joked he’d have to fight my boyfriend to find out if he’s worthy. My boyfriend grew up abused by his dad and older brothers, and has a powerful instinct to fight back. My dad is now out cold on the floor and my boyfriend is in the corner rocking back and forth and crying. FML
Today, my dad met my boyfriend for the first time. He soon "casually" took a huge knife from the kitchen drawer and told my boyfriend that he's always wondered what it'd be like to stab someone. FML
Today, I introduced my dad to my boyfriend. I gave my dad the middle finger and he thumped me on the head, as we've been playfully doing for years. My boyfriend got all mad and tried to fight my dad. FML
Today, I was confiding in my dad over the phone, after I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. After I hung up and went online, I noticed he'd been live-blogging the whole call on Facebook and commenting that he was considering suicide to escape the boredom. FML
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Top comments
thefmlinator 10
I'd do what he says
tabletoplady 11
Your dad is my hero.
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Comments (180)
NewYorkMexPR 14
Dad of the year
firechicky 12
...more like that's ******* awesome.
RoboCunnilingus 23
Actually, Dad has the right idea.
osm1989_fml 6
Despite the violence, it's actually kinda sweet. And pretty clever too. You're still his baby girl, and when my baby girls are of the inevitable "dating age," I'll wanna kill the shit out of anyone who ***** with them too. I call it "pissed off mama bear mode" when I get like that. You just don't **** with my cubs.
silverstream20 20
That's some sound advice. You should do what he says.
kzai 16
At least you have a dad who still tries to make you laugh even when you feel like crying.. r.i.p
perdix 31
Is the shit-killing going to happen before or after the three-way?
Mopmob02 18
If it were me I it would occur during. There is no way they would see it coming.
Metallica36176 16
Your comment was spot-on. Its true that women are like that. We want to hear what we say to ourselves but get mad because a man cant read our minds. And this reminds me of the FML where the girl was fishing for compliments and didn't hear what she wanted. I never understood that. Id rather hear advice like that from a man, I dont want any gushy crap. But great comment.
McNikk 15
At least he's sympathetic for you.
token_blackguy 18
Your dad cares and is involved in your life. You should be thankful!