Intimacy: Today, I was on my way home from a friends house. I called home... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 103

Spicy

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 66

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 112

03/03/2009 16:20

Spicy

Today, I was on my way home from a friends house. I called home ahead of time to let my parents know. My dad picked up and in a panting voice said, "Now isn't a good time, drive around the block for 15 minutes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 103 886

You deserved it 6 677

Batman

Broken heart

Good kid

27/07/2016 06:43

Today, on my holiday in Thailand I was using the ATM to withdraw $500 worth of Baht. While doing this the ATM crashed and decided to restart. After 5 minutes it spat my card out and nothing else. When I returned to the hotel to use the Wifi, the ATM had deducted the money from my account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 551

You deserved it 1 911

01/06/2011 20:40

Today, the sewers in my town became overloaded. My basement is now filled with other people's poo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 009

You deserved it 3 116

08/09/2009 06:22

Today, I went on a blind double date. My date was drunk before I got there. He kept getting my name wrong, and ended up spilling a glass of red wine down the front of my dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 445

You deserved it 5 193

25/05/2017 20:00

Spicy

Today, after spending five months helping my husband lose a ton, he left me. Apparently, "fit people" should only have sex with "fit people". FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 934

You deserved it 479

27/05/2013 05:05

Today, after months of tests for mystery nerve pain, I went to get more blood taken only to leave the clinic with an empty tin to collect my bowel movements for the next 72 hours. Which needs to be refrigerated. I live with 4 other people, with one fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 578

You deserved it 3 230

09/09/2014 15:53

Today, I overcame my debilitating seasickness long enough to have a shower and take a breath of fresh air on the cruise ship balcony. Then as a reward, a passing seagull shat on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 503

You deserved it 3 161

I don't want to sound ungrateful, but…

By Anonymous - 22/03/2021 01:00

Today, it was my birthday. I'd told my wife i would love a new battery drill, finally getting a decent one after all these years, and picked out a few nice ones. I opened the present: another cheap off-brand drill. They "didn't have any of the ones I picked out", but this one came with free drill bits. All useless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003

You deserved it 171

19/12/2011 15:40

Today, my brother and I proposed to our girlfriends at the same time. We had perfect synchronization after practicing for days. My brother's girlfriend said yes, mine said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 725

You deserved it 5 435

07/02/2012 12:04

Today, I sneezed after watching a commercial involving dust. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 150

You deserved it 6 879

22/01/2012 22:03

Today, while I was getting ready to take a shower, I placed my phone on the counter next to the toilet. While I was washing my hair, someone called me. My phone was on vibrate, so I didn't hear it until it vibrated off the counter and into the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 886

You deserved it 32 243

26/12/2014 21:54

Today, my little sister randomly came up to me and said: "Aww, don't be sad. Even ugly people can get boyfriends." She then smiled, patted my back, and walked off. I wasn't actually sad before, but I am now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 203

You deserved it 3 084

25/05/2014 20:54

Today, my boss bitched me out for doing some random web browsing while waiting for some documents I needed to arrive, then went back to his desk and went on Facebook, thinking I couldn't see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 763

You deserved it 5 446

01/01/2016 08:35

Today, I found out what it means to be the only single person in my group of friends. They had a New Year's party and didn't invite me because they didn't want me to "feel alone". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 832

You deserved it 1 636

07/01/2009 20:17

Spicy

Today, I fell in love with a girl on the internet, she's great and funny. She says she's 16, but everyone keeps telling me she's only 11 and that I'm a pedophile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 033

You deserved it 41 725

12/02/2010 18:11

Today, I bought myself a flower for Valentine's Day to be delivered to myself from "Anonymous". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 621

You deserved it 30 407

10/05/2011 02:34

Today, I finally found where the awful lingering stench in my house was coming from. My son thought it would be funny to piss in the baby's humidifier. He's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 895

You deserved it 8 308

23/10/2010 15:13

Today, I found out that the reason I'm working as a kitchen staff instead of out on the floor of the café is because the boss does not think I'm attractive enough. My boss is my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 572

You deserved it 4 141

22/03/2015 00:07

Today, I went out with two friends for lunch. The van we took ran out of fuel, so we pushed it to a nearby gas station, a gas station suffering from a gas shortage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 349

You deserved it 3 876

27/01/2010 06:18

Today, my boyfriend's ex-wife facebooked me to inform me that they were still married and he was still sleeping with her. I've been living with him for the past month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 538

You deserved it 4 230

16/02/2017 04:00

Today, while working at Starbucks, a customer dumped a hot chocolate on me and yelled, saying it wasn't his order. The order actually belonged to a 4-year-old boy with the same name who started screaming when he didn't get his chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 762

You deserved it 514

Assumptions

By Anonymous - 08/05/2020 17:00

Today, I found out that most of the people I work with secretly refer to me as the "designated bottom" because they assumed from my slight stature and soft spoken personality that I was a submissive homosexual. My wife thinks it’s hilarious and keeps grabbing my ass to make me jump in shock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 875

You deserved it 231

12/10/2018 17:30

Today, I went to the doctor for allergy testing. Apparently, one of my worst allergies is cats. I'm a "crazy cat lady" who loves anything cat-related and has 3 cats. Allergy shots, here I come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 354

You deserved it 495

12/03/2016 11:13

Today, an attention seeking weirdo who thinks she's my friend asked me who was going to be the maid of honour at my wedding. Knowing what she was really asking, I said I just want a small, non-fancy wedding with no bridesmaids. She broke down into a sobbing mess in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 967

You deserved it 2 071

10/05/2014 22:11

Today, my boyfriend surprised me by coming home early. He walked in on me sitting on the toilet, singing full volume to my cat as I took a crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 322

You deserved it 13 667

Not now

By Anonymous - 25/02/2013 23:00

Today, at my mother's funeral, as everyone was around her casket for the viewing, my 5-year-old son in cluelessness of what was going on shouted, "Grandma is more fun when she isn't sleeping." Everyone cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 415

You deserved it 3 954

On call

By Anonymous - 19/10/2019 16:00

Today, my boyfriend accused me of not coming home at all last week. The truth is, I was up and gone to work before him every morning, and I was home after he went to bed. He didn’t even bother talking to me or asking where I was last week, we both work 24/7 on-call jobs, and he knows this happens sometimes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 574

You deserved it 143

30/08/2009 16:40

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me by sending me a Bumper Sticker on Facebook that said "Bitch, let's get married". FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 772

You deserved it 8 382

28/08/2012 00:09

Today, I found out why my District Manager won't promote me to store manager; his wife thinks he's having an affair with me. If he promotes me, she will take that as evidence of the affair, and then will threaten to divorce him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 279

You deserved it 1 697

23/04/2011 13:11

Today, at 5:30 in the morning while I was fast asleep, my cat decided the most threatening thing in my apartment that absolutely needed to be attacked was my left nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 905

You deserved it 4 643

16/10/2012 08:07

Today, I got a call from my son's school saying to pick him up because he'd shat his pants. He's in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 293

You deserved it 2 976

26/05/2016 20:27

Today, I started dating my crush. Turns out she's a living nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 114

You deserved it 2 690

11/10/2010 22:29

Today, I attended a musical. A new song was played, and I thought I'd heard it before because it sounded strangely familiar. I sang along quietly as the song progressed, positive I knew it. Anticipating the next chorus, I belted out the lyrics with all my heart. It was instrumental. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 980

You deserved it 49 399

13/10/2012 12:04

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He decided that the best time would be while I was giving him a blowjob. He then seemed confused as to why I didn't finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 651

You deserved it 3 707

29/12/2009 00:50

Today, I was talking to the guy that has been in love with me for two years. He said "There is a shortage of perfect breasts in the world. It would be a shame to lose yours." He then creepily looked at me and said "It's true." Thanks, Princess Bride, for supplying creepers with material. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 653

You deserved it 4 527

08/11/2013 23:02

Today, she did it again. While I was minding my own business reading the paper, she casually walked up to me and slashed my face with her nails, drawing blood and screams of pain. I need to get out of this abusive relationship, but no one will adopt my asshole of a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 424

You deserved it 8 663

19/07/2013 16:41

Today, it's my fifth wedding anniversary. My wife bailed on the romantic dinner that I arranged in favor of running off with her friends. Their big event: an amateur Fight Club event they'd decided to stage in an abandoned parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 351

You deserved it 4 306

08/09/2015 00:39

Today, my in-laws decided they were going to stay an extra week during our vacation to Dominican Republic next year. This would be fine, if we weren't travelling for our destination wedding, and the extra week wasn't our honeymoon. They are literally joining us on our honeymoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 263

You deserved it 2 459

26/05/2017 02:00

Today, I sent my mom a link to a news article via Facebook. Immediately after sending, however, I noticed I had forgotten to copy the news article's link, and what I had sent instead was the last thing I had copied and pasted: a porn link. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 852

You deserved it 6 473

Grammar rules, OK!

By Anonymous - 21/09/2011 12:11

Today, my new boss lost his shit and flew into a ten minute rant against me about the "value of respect". He told me that if I wanted to stay in "his" company, I'd best start toeing the line. All this because I corrected his misuse of "your" and "you're" in one of his memos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 037

You deserved it 9 360

Mixing it up

By Anonymous - 26/09/2011 18:20

Spicy

Today, I woke up next to my boss naked. We are both women and she is married. Work should be interesting tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 773

You deserved it 48 722

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Top comments

LittleMissMack 0

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Tuesday 3 March 2009 23:30

Parents have sex, it's not that big of a deal. And its better than "Today, I didn't call my parents to let them know I was coming home. I walked in and heard my dad f*cking my mom. FML."

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Tuesday 3 March 2009 23:28

Look on the bright side. At least you didn't walk in on them having sex on the living room floor.

Comments

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Tuesday 3 March 2009 23:23

OMG. i am so sorry. your life is definitely fucked. :|||

JPLovesAnimals 4

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Thursday 25 August 2011 3:13

Nahh. But his dad is. Rofl.

martialart1st18 19

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Friday 14 February 2014 1:29

He was probably exercising

TBR 0

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Tuesday 3 March 2009 23:23

What is that saying "You can't go home again" Lmao I hope you went some place for a while (a shrink maby)

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Friday 8 April 2011 2:30

fatty

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 7:15

hey that's not nice

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Tuesday 30 August 2011 21:43

He is a sexy mutherfucker

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Tuesday 3 March 2009 23:25

lmfaoooo

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Tuesday 3 March 2009 23:28

Oh my, I'm so sorry! That is truly fucked up.

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Tuesday 3 March 2009 23:28

Look on the bright side. At least you didn't walk in on them having sex on the living room floor.

LittleMissMack 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 March 2009 23:30

Parents have sex, it's not that big of a deal. And its better than "Today, I didn't call my parents to let them know I was coming home. I walked in and heard my dad f*cking my mom. FML."

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Monday 21 June 2010 3:00

#7, don't you mean see them f*cking

smileydancer92 2

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Saturday 19 March 2011 22:31

no. she heard them

broken_heart_fml 0

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Tuesday 3 March 2009 23:34

HAHAHA THAT SUCKSSS !

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Tuesday 3 March 2009 23:39

yeah definitely better you called than walking in on them

dammn 0

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Tuesday 3 March 2009 23:41

wow, that is a fuck my life moment !

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Tuesday 3 March 2009 23:43

...No words are suitable to describe how fucked up that is...

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Saturday 17 September 2011 6:12

Why? How do you think he got here in the first place? Parents have sex, big whoop