Today, I was on my way home from a friends house. I called home...

By hlev24 - 3/3/2009 16:20 - United States

Today, I was on my way home from a friends house. I called home ahead of time to let my parents know. My dad picked up and in a panting voice said, "Now isn't a good time, drive around the block for 15 minutes." FML

I agree, your life sucks

103791

You deserved it

6585

Favorite

Intimacy

The opposite of a good idea

Vultures

Hello everyone!

By bored - 27/11/2012 18:05 - United States

Today, I've now worked on Thanksgiving, Black Friday, the weekend after that, and two days this week. My husband and son have had all that time off, and yet I've still ended up having to clean the dishes and the house after them on all of these days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30257

You deserved it

5631

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/4/2015 12:28 - United Kingdom - Dundee

Today, it was my 18th birthday and I was told I couldn't get the night off work because a party of 34 had booked into the restaurant. It turned out my family had come in to 'celebrate' by making me wait on them. They were a nightmare, thought it was hilarious to be difficult, and didn't tip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42233

You deserved it

2794

Favorite

By Crystal Crackles - 6/12/2018 05:00

Today, I used my rear windsheild wiper and it shattered a large hole in the glass where the rotating part is. No one can repair the window until tomorrow afternoon. It's snowing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2414

You deserved it

164

Favorite

By - 9/12/2018 22:00

Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my roommate to chip in for electricity costs. She called me a bitch, proceeded to tell me she can't afford it despite working full time and I part time, and blocked me on all communications. Uhm, what ? FML

I agree, your life sucks

3113

You deserved it

315

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/6/2020 08:08

Dead wrong

Today, I attended my husband's funeral and my son carried out the eulogy, which basically turned into a character assassination, ending with "and I hope Hell is hot enough for you, old man." Almost our entire family agreed with every word he said. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1375

You deserved it

351

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/6/2013 21:58 - Australia - Richmond

Today, my future sister-in-law cancelled my invitation to her and my brother's wedding. Her reason was that I was incredibly rude to announce my pregnancy to my family at a time like this, because it took all the attention away from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56539

You deserved it

5131

Favorite

By fall3nrain - 11/9/2009 21:07 - United States

Today, I was trying to keep myself occupied due to my recent breakup. I was reading this book someone gave me about animal communication, so after a while, I figured I'd give it a shot. Then it dawned on me; I'm single, at home on a Friday night, and I'm trying to talk to my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41684

You deserved it

7108

Favorite

By impickingyourhomegran - 13/8/2012 22:12 - United Kingdom - London

Today, it was my wedding day. Midway through the ceremony, my grandma, who's tried to ruin every relationship to date, stood up and shouted that "it ain't right", "you're too good for her", and claimed my fiancée has been cheating on me, before she was finally ejected from the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29497

You deserved it

1887

Favorite

By Obi1Shinobi - 30/10/2012 14:27 - United States

Today, I was stuck in the bathroom yelling for someone to get me toilet paper. My grandpa slips a small leaf under the door and says, "This is what I used in my day." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28004

You deserved it

4616

Favorite

By Fatality - 28/10/2010 16:29 - Canada

Today, for once, I managed to get my boyfriend's mind off the hockey game. I muted the TV and cuddled up to him. Only thirty seconds into snuggling, he shoved me onto the floor and screamed, "GOAL!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

18879

You deserved it

30783

Favorite

By Franigirl - 26/2/2011 05:34 - United States

Today, I had to present a powerpoint in front of my class. When I was finished, no one clapped. On my way back to my seat, I slipped on a pencil and fell straight on my face. That's when everyone clapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39839

You deserved it

4545

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/12/2017 01:30

Stay in school, kids...

Today, my son told me he got a tattoo to honour our German heritage. The bloody fool got an eagle and swastika on his arm. I had to explain to a 20-year-old what WWII was. He’s now researching laser removal. Idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5517

You deserved it

1245

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/7/2015 18:56

Today, my dad texted me, saying "My dicks so hard 4 u". I'm desperately hoping he meant to send that to his girlfriend instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34646

You deserved it

2453

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/1/2010 05:39 - United States

Today, my boss told me when I transfer to a Target in Orlando I should work in the clothing department. He said it would be a good way for me to meet chicks. I told him all the girls who work in clothing in that store are ugly as hell. Apparently his daughters work there. I never knew that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10320

You deserved it

31266

Favorite

By Remember the parking brake - 6/10/2010 23:41 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love in the backseat. Being in the moment we didn't notice the car moving. We DID notice the pole that stopped us though. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10111

You deserved it

36915

Favorite

By Scared - 5/6/2012 00:54 - United States - Arlington

Today, I walked in on my mother stroking my cat and murmuring, "Don't worry, kitty. One day, you and I... we will rule." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32546

You deserved it

3369

Favorite

By JackAttack - 20/1/2009 08:27 - United States

Today, my mom just handed me a book called "100 Ways To Motivate Yourself." FML

I agree, your life sucks

18302

You deserved it

5977

Favorite

By not anymore - 30/10/2015 23:29 - United States - Monroe

Today, I made a Facebook post about my upcoming driving test. My grandpa said he knew I would succeed, prompting my idiot boyfriend to reply "For sure, she really knows how to suck seed ;)" followed by him liking his own comment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27287

You deserved it

4805

Favorite

By Bookworm - 5/6/2013 17:02 - United Kingdom - Singapore

Today, I was on the tram, when an elderly couple got on. I stood up to give them room to sit together, but as I stood up, the tram set off and I went flying, knocking the elderly gentleman over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52809

You deserved it

4355

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/12/2013 08:45 - Canada - Richmond

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, she stopped moaning and told me to stop because she couldn't fake it anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58309

You deserved it

16668

Favorite

By Catie - 13/5/2011 18:47 - United States

Today, my husband and I went to the state fair. The entire time, he complained about all the money we were losing because of the high prices of both rides and food. Towards the end of the night, we counted the cash we had left and found we were $50 short. Apparently, it fell out of his pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31782

You deserved it

4472

Favorite

By ironic driver - 4/9/2011 22:10 - United States

Today, I was pulled over for a DWI. The police officer was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35438

You deserved it

4584

Favorite

By stellarshaun - 16/1/2009 22:10 - United States

Today, I was naked in bed. I was eating vanilla yogurt and it spilt. My dad walked in and then apologized that he had walked in on me while I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25173

You deserved it

10811

Favorite

By Kimberly - 22/10/2009 12:26 - France

Today, I realized that I lie to my friends online and go "offline" for hours at a time so it appears that I have a life outside of the internet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14026

You deserved it

34965

Favorite

By hamandegger - 4/2/2013 20:17 - United States - Raynham

Today, my friend asked me to fix his laptop for him because it is loaded with viruses. When I turned it on and started searching for the problem, I couldn't find it. Luckily I was able to find a video of him banging my girlfriend. We've been together for eight years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

76075

You deserved it

4478

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/4/2016 20:28 - United States - Fremont

Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend, when his doorbell rang. He said it was his friend and that he'd be back soon. He shut off his video feed but forgot to mute his audio. A few minutes later, I heard him and some orgasm-faking girl getting it on in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27189

You deserved it

1716

Favorite

By iskalion - 10/10/2015 05:39 - Canada - Grande Prairie

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents over lunch. Unfortunately, I showed my dad her Facebook profile beforehand and he wouldn't stop making cracks about her duckfacing. It started with "Don't let her eat the bread, it'll puff up in her stomach and kill her", and ended in tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26210

You deserved it

5353

Favorite

By laughingflame - 4/8/2011 06:00 - United States

Today, I was caught whacking off by my mother. She now takes every free moment of her time to read extracts from the Bible to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38015

You deserved it

12848

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/5/2012 17:02 - United States - Houston

Today, I finally got the chance to meet this wonderful guy I met on a dating site. She was very excited to see me, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28813

You deserved it

5572

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/4/2014 21:51 - United States

Today, the only thing I got for my birthday was my boyfriend's offer to give me "the gift of anal". FML

I agree, your life sucks

44380

You deserved it

5485

Favorite

By Jaws - 10/2/2011 16:09 - France

Today, I got slapped in the face by my girlfriend with a banana skin, because I finished up the chocolate cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13720

You deserved it

38466

Favorite

By Nnn - 11/7/2019 12:00

Today, my coworker came to my desk, so I greeted him with a smile, and said, "Hello friend." He then told me that we are not friends, and that he hates when I say that. Oh, OK, sorry for trying to be nice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1530

You deserved it

407

Favorite

By anonymous - 2/9/2014 18:58 - United States - Wolcott

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She just grabbed the ring and said in a raspy voice, "My precious..." FML

I agree, your life sucks

47664

You deserved it

9609

Favorite

By MJjunior - 31/8/2011 16:04 - Australia

Today, I started my first day working at a toddler day care center. At one point I decided to play "got your nose" with one of the kids. It turns out this kid has a physical birth abnormality on his face. I got his nose... his prosthetic nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47321

You deserved it

13152

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/4/2009 18:21 - United States

Today, I was working as the shift manager at my job at a fast food restaurant. Our company policy states that all employees must be clean shaven before coming to work. I had to inform one of the employees, Kris, that they had to shave before clocking in. Kris is a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70956

You deserved it

3540

Favorite

By proteinboy - 16/11/2009 03:00 - United States

Today, I waited for 20 minutes to get a cab outside grand central station in New York (it was raining). Finally, to my relief, I found a cab but when I got in I let a little fart slip. Two minutes later the cabby kicked me out of his cab because I stunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11661

You deserved it

30299

Favorite

By TheStroker - 1/6/2019 06:03

Today, I was cleaning off a carrot by rubbing it up and down under the tap over the sink. My 13-year-old son comes in and says, "Mom, you could get a job doing that." I told him that a carrot cleaner wouldn't make much money. He says, "I wasn't talking about carrots." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1578

You deserved it

252

Favorite

By Noname - 29/1/2009 23:08 - United States

Today, a toddler's play ball rolled over to me in the park. I playfully pitched it to him as his parents watched from afar. The ball hit him in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27624

You deserved it

3855

Favorite

By Schubey - 20/5/2012 02:04 - Canada - North Bay

Today, it was my birthday, and I woke up to my dad telling me that we're going to Disneyland. Apparently, by "we" he meant him and my mom. They did, however, make a point to say "happy birthday" before they left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36932

You deserved it

2047

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/6/2011 14:25 - United States

Today, while at work, I suddenly went into diabetic shock. As I was nearly passed out on the floor, a customer yelled at me for not getting his coffee in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44662

You deserved it

3563

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By LittleMissMack | 0

#13239 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 23:30

Parents have sex, it's not that big of a deal. And its better than "Today, I didn't call my parents to let them know I was coming home. I walked in and heard my dad f*cking my mom. FML."

By ajscott | 0

#13234 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 23:28

Look on the bright side. At least you didn't walk in on them having sex on the living room floor.

Comments

By j00lie | 0

#13209 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 23:23

OMG.
i am so sorry.
your life is definitely fucked.
:|||

JPLovesAnimals | 4

#3175545 - Thursday 25 August 2011 3:13

Nahh. But his dad is. Rofl.

martialart1st18 | 19

#5857625 - Friday 14 February 2014 1:29

He was probably exercising

By TBR | 0

#13211 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 23:23

What is that saying "You can't go home again" Lmao I hope you went some place for a while (a shrink maby)

brandonlee69 | 5

#2311835 - Friday 8 April 2011 2:30

fatty

britania | 0

#2451111 - Tuesday 3 May 2011 7:15

hey that's not nice

kroekdog | 7

#3207017 - Tuesday 30 August 2011 21:43

He is a sexy mutherfucker

By rlykewl | 0

#13222 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 23:25

lmfaoooo

By nimleh | 0

#13233 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 23:28

Oh my, I'm so sorry! That is truly fucked up.

By ajscott | 0

#13234 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 23:28

Look on the bright side. At least you didn't walk in on them having sex on the living room floor.

By LittleMissMack | 0

#13239 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 23:30

Parents have sex, it's not that big of a deal. And its better than "Today, I didn't call my parents to let them know I was coming home. I walked in and heard my dad f*cking my mom. FML."