Today, I bought a pack of toothpicks. There were 500 of them. When I got home I accidentally dropped the pack. After twenty long minutes of picking them up, I dropped them again. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I spent hours trying to get a piece of food out of my two front teeth. I didn't have anything I could use, until I went out to dinner and got a toothpick. I finally got the food out of teeth. The toothpick broke. Now the tip of the toothpick is stuck in my teeth. FML
Today, I picked out a toothpick from a pizza. This is not the first time I've had to do this. It is also not the first time that I didn't see it until less than a second before I bit down on the piece with the toothpick embedded in it. Looks like there's a toothpick assassin on the loose. FML
Today, I saw my dad pick his teeth with a toothpick from a new box. He ate the food he got out of his teeth and put the toothpick back. FML
Today, I accidentally dropped a whole roll of toilet paper into the toilet. It was my last roll. FML
Today, while cleaning up, I dropped a box of thumbtacks, spilling them all over the floor. As I fumbled to pick them up, the power went out. FML
Today, same as every other day, I had to pick up around 8 spoons because my cats love to take them and drop them on the floor around my house so they can listen to the noise. FML
Today, I went into my parents room to empty their wastebasket. Next to it and around their bed, I found tissues that were soaked in an unknown sticky substance. I had to pick them up. FML
Today, I cracked my tooth. I was so tired I put my pretzel stick in my tea and took a bite out of my spoon. FML
Today, I tried to get a piece of glass out of my big toe. After an hour of poking and prodding, I finally got it out only for it to fall on the floor where I couldn't find it. Not five minutes later, I stepped on it again. FML
Today, I dropped some food on the floor and picked it back up, took a bite, and quickly realised it had toenail cuttings in it. I never cut my toenails in my dining room. FML
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Top comments
TurtleSmile 14
That's too bad. Did you count all of them to make sure you didn't lose any?
deathpotato 11
A firm grip usually fixes that problem.
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Comments (188)
janeska1231 1
Lol. That's a good one. Next time just pick it up with the broom an head to the dollar store
fordneagles 34
Why are people freaking out because they think the OP still is going to use them in their mouth? It doesn't say that anywhere. For all we know, OP was picking them up to put them in the bin.
FarSide 23
Really. I would never personally use them. But I would use them in the next Hors d'oeuvre trays I made.
nniikkaayy 4
i did that with angelhair pasta once.
carbar27 5
At least you didn't kneel on a toothpick and have it go in your knee..
babe7260 30
Broom & dustpan works much better & faster, dunno about you, but I wouldn't wanna put them in my mouth or food after they were on the floor!!!
angeleyes1970 2
Aww that sucks
mr_brightside93 1
Man u really wanted those toothpicks huh
chrisssdubbs 4
Today I found out the my girlfriend is pregnant. I wouldn't be so upset if it was mine or if we would have ever had sex. She has been telling me that she is waiting for marriage for the last six months. FML
makitokito 14
Why did it take you twenty minutes? Did you really pick them up one at a time?
charlieisawesome 4
Oh man that's hilarious... Well third times the charm!